A Plan That Needs a Planet

The GOP strategy for achieving its already media-trumpeted 2010 landslide is shaping up, and it has to be admired for its sheer audacity, as well as its desperate but hardly unwarranted reliance on the media continuing to be as stupid as it was throughout the Bush years.  Richard Cohen, David Broder, and David Gregory are already on board, which is an advantage only to those unfamiliar with their “work.”  As you might expect, fear is involved, and widespread suffering is the price we’ll be told we must pay to alleviate it.  As you’d also expect, it’s also so laden with contradictions and time bombs that a minimally functioning media and a minimally functioning majority party would instantly render it dead in the water….  Thank heaven they don’t have to deal with any of that.  They know too well, based on past experience, that you can lead a horticulture, and then things always go awry.

Of course, the predetermined Beck/Teabagger memes will have to be used; Socialism, Death Panels, Hitler, Woodrow Wilson, Government Takeovers, blah, blah, blah.   It would be inconvenient, you’d think then, that the Republican “Road Map,” as it were, presented by the naively direct Wisconsin wingnut Paul Ryan, has a whole lot of socialism in it (for rich people, natch), envisions steadily increasing Medicare cuts which will undoubtedly cause premature deaths, incorporates the worst aspects of both Hitler’s and Wilson’s “Internationalism,” and takes the most popular and enduring “Government Takeover” in US history, Social Security, and hands it over to Wall Street.  You’d be wrong.  For Republicans and their fawning cheerleaders in the media, down is up if Jim DeMint says so and FOX News unsurprisingly agrees.

The tinny Victrola of terrorism is of course going to be cranked up anew, to play scratchy recordings of 2002-2003 and somehow claim that we’re not clobbering the Constitution fast enough, not torturing people with sufficient eagerness, and not invading enough countries to Keep America Safe.  This angle may be dropped later because in early rollouts it only fooled Richard Cohen, a feat akin to convincing Tom Friedman that Lexuses are preferable to olive trees.  You heard it here at CHNN first, but I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that the terror well will finally be recognized (by the voters, not the media…) as having run inconveniently dry in a country with 10% unemployment and an economy still collapsing.  Please make a note of it, Rudy.

Of course, the real power behind the GOP, money, has already set the stage, and as such one can expect a lot more unnatural couplings between square pegs and round holes to ensue.  The way to “create jobs” is to abandon environmental regulation, any vestigial remains of progressive taxation, and give more tax-free money to worthless heirs and heiresses.  Neither remarkably nor evidently as a joke, the strikingly unattractive and almost as untalented version of Paris Hilton, Steve Forbes, has a new book out, not entitled “I Got Mine, Fuck You,” but might as well have been, to emphasize these not very new ideas.  Frank Luntz has almost just absentmindedly trotted out the same old anti-government crap that was so successful in perpetuating our third-world health statistics for another decade or three, to stop desperately needed banking reform,  but will people really fall for the notion that Wall Street banks that every day continue to rob Americans blind ought not be regulated?  That’s some pretty heavy lifting, even for the Wall Street Journal and CNBC.

As they always do when they’re in a pickle, the GOP is making a lot of noise about teh ghey, this time about the long-overdue abandonment of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” a policy so ridiculous on its face that I have trouble believing it’s been the law of the land for almost eighteen years, and touting the purported “uprising” against marriage equality, financed by a bunch of wealthy churches whose primary concern is avoiding reality, even when it drops on their curiously adorned heads.  But time has shown that since the cynical 2004 “victories” that resulted from gay-bashing have only driven more younger voters away from the GOP, and even if John McCain doesn’t listen to Cindy and Megan, America does, and has.

They think, of course, that they have a new big thing in the Teabaggers, which is the first sign of actual non-astroturf political activity on the right since Tomothy McVeigh, and they understandably don’t want to waste a development like that .  Sarah Palin surely didn’t…  she got half a wardrobe’s worth of Teabagger dough for mouthing vaguely intelligible Randian Haiku in Nashville, just tonight, so I’ll bet she’ll be wearing something extra pretty for the occasion.  Still, given that even some of the craziest Republicans, Michele Bachmann and Marsha Blackburn, finally slinked away from the teabaggers, realizing they were already so bought and paid for by Wall Street and the real corporate Death Panelists in the Health “industry” that they might not have much in common with the teabaggers after all. Rotten vegetables are notoriously unflattering to the complexion.   Naturally, they both disingenuously blamed the annoying “big government” intrusion of pesky “ethics” laws for their fortuitous absences from a crowd that in the end, evidently didn’t “share their values.”

No wonder Sarah Palin quit her part-time day job; this evolution-denier can gaily fleece her (socially) Darwinistic inferiors for all they’re worth and not be unduly shackled by silly old “big government” ethics.  The Republican Party, not so much.  The policies they have chosen and continue to fight for are the exact ones that caused and will only merrily perpetuate the very pain the Teabaggers are feeling, and their overconfident claim to Teabagger loyalty is already wearing alarmingly thin, given that their craven, almost Cheneyesque money-grubbing went on lurid display at about week three of their “revolution’s” existence.

I have previously criticized the Democrats for running against Bush, after  all this time and so many of their own failures, but the only thing stupider than that would be the Republicans running as “Bush, Only More So.”  I can’t decide which one I want to lose more.  Let the (h/t Jon Stewart) “thinnest kid at fat camp” win.


  1. The Heel says:

    brilliant, Tart,
    I will have to steal and use the line “may the thinnest kid at fat camp win”. Wouldn’t you have to agree that it is time to get out of politics and indulge in the hedonistic pleasures of life that are tangible? (e.g. pot and beer)
    Can’t wait to see you down here and party with you like frat boys :)

  2. cocktailhag says:

    I’m looking forward to it, too.

  3. retzilian says:

    I am still making the scrinchy face (sort of a cross between a squint and smelling something really sour) after reading that the Rs are trotting out the privatizing Social Security idea again after what happened to Wall Street last year.

    I have read a lot of psychology, criminal profiling and history and I have never seen such mass delusion. It’s almost as if these Rs (not all, but the ones making these choices) are struck with a mass mental illness. I submit that 25% of any given group or gathering are nutcases (to varying degrees of danger), so I guess it’s realistic to expect either party to have its share of loonies – but to have that 25% running things for the party is another matter.

    Anyway, bring it on. It’s the best news I’ve read all week.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, they’re very good at having a set of nutty ideas, and then casting about for “reasons” to enact them. After Bush, they’ve almost run out of nutty ideas, since so many of them have been enacted, but they never know when to quit.

  4. rmp says:

    Great and timely post. The convention’s keynote speaker is getting six figures to appear. No wonder it costs half a grand to attend. Sarah won’t flea that job like she did her governor post. I get pale thinking about what she will spew tonight from her garbage mouth. The opening nights’ speaker Tancredo set the tone with his racist thoughts and disgust with those struggling to survive in an economic crisis his party is most responsible for. Here are some links on him and the convention:

    Tea Party opening speaker suggests law that kept blacks be kept from voting be reinstated
    Maddow: Video of Tancredo’s racist comment on Obama
    Exclusive: NAACP calls Tea Party speaker’s quip ‘outrageous, insidious’
    Palin’s risky bid to lead tea party
    Convention Is Trying to Harness Tea Party Spirit
    From Obama as Hitler to Sarah Palin’s radical speech, Wingnuts author John Avlon reports all weekend from Nashville.
    Tea Party Convention Seems a Very Genteel Affair
    The Man Behind Demon Sheep (And Its Subliminal Jimmy Buffett Message)
    Tea Party Convention forgets US flag, blames hotel staff

  5. nailheadtom says:

    If CH could present his ideas, misconceived as they might be, like this writer, perhaps it would take a more commodious vehicle than a VW Super Beetle to haul his fans down to the monthly Communist Party of the USA meeting.


    • cocktailhag says:

      Indeed, the writer was unable to point out a single instance in which the conservatives were actually correct, and then whined about being quite justifiably made fun of for the rest of his interminable piece. Like all righty discourse, it is not meant to convince anyone, but merely to reinforce the hurt feelings of the gullible, like yourself. If you ask me, liberals aren’t condescending ENOUGH, considering the disastrous failures that litter the Republican record on everything from wars and deficits to the economy. Come up with an idea that has ever worked, then pop off. Meanwhile, whine. It’s becoming.

      • nailheadtom says:

        Just the intelligent and well-reasoned response the writer would have expected from the likes of you. As the champion of projection, you would characterized any commentary that remarks on your worldview as whining, something you do literally every time you open your pie hole.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Just because you believe in something doesn’t make it above reproach. There are no records, throughout the world, of the bizarre economic system you propose working. Successful countries do the opposite. That’s a pesky sticking point for all righty Rand-soaked arguments. Greenspan, Friedman, and Bush weren’t enough, is all; we need to go over to full Shah of Iran mode to pull this off.
          Almost unnecessarily, I will remind you, Tom, that no one is forcing you to read this blog each day. Although the internet is not a truck, there are plenty of other places on it where you might enjoy yourself more.

  6. The Heel says:

    Frank Zappa, during his campaign for President in 1987 said: “…if I look at the people that have been president in this country…could I do ANY worse? If I didn’t know shit from shinola, could I do ANY worse?..”

    ..and that was before Dubbya and Nullatto…

    I always saw it as a narcistic act of satire for him to “run” but I am seriously beginning to regret his “permanent existance failure” that he is suffering from…


    • cocktailhag says:

      Nulatto? Heel, that Nazi side of yours is sneaking out again. (Etta voice: “How many beers have you had today?”) Anyway, you’ll like the new post. It has Jessica Mitford and tales of the “real south” in it.

      • The Heel says:

        just opening the door for my black friends to later say …”He wasn’t really black…”

        • cocktailhag says:

          Which they undoubtedly will, at the rate Obama’s going. You’ll remember that the black vote was about 90% anti Bush, which shows that they are more qualified than white people when it comes to voting.

    • rmp says:

      Here’a an angry Michigan mayor who wants to run for governor. Does he fit your image of someone who should be in politics?

      Verne Bernero http://www.votevirg.com/
      When the U.S. auto industry was on the brink of collapse, Bernero catapulted onto the national stage as a leading spokesman and champion for Michigan’s automotive companies and their workers. In scores of appearances on Fox News, CNN, MSNBC and CBS, Bernero warned that the failure of the U.S. auto industry would push our nation‘s economy — and the lives of countless Michigan families — right over the cliff. Bernero aimed his most scathing criticisms at the unholy alliance of Wall Street and Washington that has sold out and exported the American standard of living in the name of free trade policies that have sent millions of Michigan jobs overseas. Bernero’s fiery rhetoric led CNN to call him “America’s Angriest Mayor.” From Bio http://www.votevirg.com/meet-virg.php

  7. rmp says:

    OT A while back I talked about the Japanese bow. Experts on the bow, the Japanese, were able to tell exactly what kind of an apology Toyota’s chief was making:

    A ritualistic bow from Toyota Chief: Akio Toyoda dipped briefly — an apology, but not a sign of culpability for defects. The gesture came two weeks after his company began recalling cars by the millions., (Japanese bows are very precise in their execution and meaning.)

    • cocktailhag says:

      I was wondering about that. It seems to me that Toyota’s failures began when it decided to become American, in its attitudes toward corporate responsibility and truth. People left Ford after the many explosions and rollovers over the years, and all of Detroit spent money on lawyers that would have been better spent on engineers. Toyota didn’t used to be like that, but now we know it is.

      • rmp says:

        The Japanese character entered into how poorly the public relations for this was handled. Mr. Toyoda didn’t want to be embarrassed so he and management decided to try and keep things quiet and hope they could get a fix without it becoming a major issue. He should have listened to the customers who had problems that were beyond the floor mat or the accelerator and must have been computer or something that wasn’t just mechanical. The best PR would have been to say they are studying the problem 24 hours a day and will have a fix soon because even one death is too many. They also should have issued the way to handle the problem if it occured which is to put the car into neutral and apply the brakes, then park the car and get it towed to the dealer free of charge. Maybe there is some American approach involved in this at least from the lawyer advice that Mr. Toyoda probably received. Mr. Toyoda should have realized that a damaged reputation is far more costly than a short-term halt to implement a fix. It sure has helped Ford that has handled their challenges better than the other American car companies and had a good product ready to sell when Toyota customers were looking for other makes and models.

  8. It is just exactly as you said.

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