Freaky Friday

I was initially too lazy to post today, but then I started trolling the intertubes, and danged if I just couldn’t help myself.  The stupid is really burning today.

For example:  Rand Paul

Now lil’ Rand is considerably more attractive than his Papa, which couldn’t hurt (except for that unfortunate white-fro on the top of his head, which appears to be some sort of comb-over alternative…), but Junior clearly didn’t get the Republican memo about Not Telling the Truth Until After the Election.  It’s ok to embrace racists, plutocrats, and scofflaw corporations, but public displays of your ardor are to be strictly avoided until after your swearing-in.  It’s unseemly, especially in front of the servants.  Reagan promised that tax cuts and a military buildup would create prosperity for all, Bush waxed “compassionate,” and whatnot not because they were closet liberals, but because they knew that their real views would go over like a fart in church.  Please, Dr. (!) Paul, make a note of it.  Or not, which I of course prefer.

The LA Times:

I’ve been a tad disconsolate that my old boyfriend, Ricky Serrano, has all but vanished from Los Tiempos; were his intemperate and unprofessional emails to me merely the nose-thumbing of yet another LAT short-timer?  It would explain a lot.  Fortunately, the Times has a new but decidedly not improved Ricky, in this case Ricky Simon, who is doing pretty good job of Keeping Ricky 1′s chair warm, as evidenced by his pathetically stupid article about Barbara Boxer today.  She’s partisan, you know.  The examples he was able to cull from an 18-year Senate career are so thin that if they were a person they would only need one earring, as well.  (Insert Valley Girl voice here) “Well, there was that time when she, like totally dissed James Inhofe.”  The time to which Simon refers is when, after their (first) richly deserved defeat in 2006, Inhofe filibustered a climate change hearing with his delusional claptrap and she had to explain that his bonkers party no longer controlled anything but Fox News, which Republicans naturally took pretty hard.  The other time she purportedly stepped over some partisan line (again, this is in 18 years) was when she corrected a lying and stupid general for repeatedly calling her “Ma’am,” which my own mother always told me all women under 80 hate, preferring, “Senator.”  Wow, that gal is uppity, or so Ricky thinks.  Sheesh.  Naturally, this leads the story to conclude that either serial failure Carly Fiorina or fruitcake diva Meg Whitman, neither of whom have a lick of political experience or brains, to be formidable challengers to Boxer.  Good luck with that LAT.  Can’t wait to see  updates after November.

The Oil Spill:

The whole redneck Riviera has suddenly turned hippie on me, and I love it.  Bobby (Brady) Jindal sounds like Al Gore’s adenoidal sidekick, and when the slick hits Alabama and Mississippi, you won’t be able to smell the oil for the patchouli and pot smoke wafting around Haley Barbour and Roy Blunt.  It couldn’t have happened to, uh, nicer guys.   From here on out, they’ll be making sand candles that really burn.


  1. I liked Salon’s comment: The drill is gone.

    And now that it’s all over
    All I can do is wish you well….

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’ll have to go over and read that…. I just got back from a cocktailhag function down the hall; I’ve gotten a bit behind.

      • It was a week ago at least, so you may have to google it or something — it isn’t on the home page any more.

        And speaking of C-Hags, there’s a world-class one I’d like to pull your coat to. I don’t know if you’re watching Treme…. Oh, wait a minute, I forgot that you don’t do TV, so you probably aren’t.

        Well, anyway, for those who are, in last week’s episode, the ne’er-do-well musician running for NOLA city council went home to visit his Southern gentry parents — his mom was a real belle, too — and one of her friends turned out to be the most perfect Confederate hag, complete with that whiskey-voiced deep Southern accent, sparkling, if somewhat blurred wit, and the biggest martini glass I’ve ever seen. I may be wrong, but I think that she may have been one of the famous locals who appear in the series, and not an actress. Anyway, she did seem to be the genuine article. It brought back a lot of memories of the colonels’ wives who used to hang around the various Officer’s Clubs my folks took me to when I was a kid.

        • cocktailhag says:

          I suspected NOLA was a cocktailhag-rich environment, and I saw several, but I didn’t get to meet any when I was there. Something about the decadence. I’ll have to dig around for clips of that show; I’ve heard it’s good and Treme’ is right next to the Marigny where my cousin lives.

  2. Ché Pasa says:

    Looks like Boxer’s gonna pull this one out of the fire. But she’s real good at that. Last Senate election she was said to be on the ropes, too.

    Yeah, right. Do you remember her opponent? No? Bill Jones. Who? Some freak CA Sec of State who was obsessed with vote fraud, but got caught in some of the most ridiculous idiocies any state wide officer ever did. Loon. So she beat him something like 60% to 40%; in fact, she was going around crowing that she got the highest number of votes of any Democrat in the nation that year except for John Kerry. You could feel her “Fuck you” vibe toward anyone who got in her face. Still there.

    Fiorina has no chance. DeVore has no chance. Campbell has a smidgen of a chance — if he wins the R primary, no sure thing — because some of the so-called “Left Libertarians” hate Boxer with a thermonuclear passion (she did support Lieberman in HIS primary, ya know) and so they want Campbell because when he was in Congress, he wasn’t a total Republican asshole all the time. Well. Depending on your point of view.

    eMeg is running for governor. She has spent something like $70 million of her multi-billions to buy the Corner Office, has essentially self-funded her entire primary campaign, and Other Billionaire Steve Poizner (R-Dumfuk) is closing fast on her. He could win the R primary.

    Old Fart Grampa Jerry Brown — yes, former Governor Moonbeam, Linda Ronstadt’s ex squeeze — now doddering in the Attorney General’s slot, is expected to be the Dem nominee for Gov, and is expected to win it in a walk, no matter who the Rs put up. He isn’t a billionaire. So there is that. What’s kind of fun about it that that even though Ol’ Jer was Gov for two terms back in the ’70′s, he went from Sec of State or something (his first elected office) to Governor, succeeding Reagan, whereas now he’ll be going from AG to Gov — like his dad, Pat Brown, the last Real Governor who knew what the Feck he was doing California has had. And he was defeated by Saint Ronnie. In 1966. It’s been a long time. For such an old codger, Brown the Younger (?) is pretty alert, so I guess he’ll stay awake through his term unlike Reagan (who we KNEW wasn’t all there when he was governor.) But by the time Brown the Younger resumes the Corner Office, the state will have been liquidated, everyone will have moved to Oregon (except those who move to Arizona to get away from the Messicans — ha!) and he’ll be rattling around in the capitol all by himself.

    Sic transit.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Oops. That was a horrible error to get my rich Republican challengers mixed up. Here in Oregon we have a retread ex-governor (Kitzhaber) running, too, against a 7’0″ Republican basketball player who forgot to vote for twenty years. I’m so excited. I loved ol’ Governor Moonbeam, and just that much more for porking Linda Ronstadt. (She was quite hot in those days…)

      • The Heel says:

        never heard of her so naturally I had to google the name and yes, she was a hot tart. Here you can see her with politicians’ soul mates in her younger days:

        Always fun when tarts get mixed into politics. I only wish the boys wouldn’t lie about it. We need change we can believe in. Bring back the 60s, where heels became president and had the secret service place the tarts in their hotel rooms, while the (literally) unwashed masses enjoyed recreational drugs in the streets…

        Where did we take a wrong turn?

        • Back in the day, I tried to get my friends to invest in a bumpersticker to sell at political rallies, folk festivals and the like:


          Alas, I couldn’t get any of them to see the income-producing potential; they actually wanted to spend their last few nickels on beer, imagine that. That was the end of my entrepreneurial career, I’m afraid.

      • cocktailhag says:

        You didn’t have Linda Ronstadt in the Fatherland? You missed out. I always appreciate the Heel perspective on these subjects; a sort of Pavlovian “did someone mention tarts?” Ears and whatnot perking up.
        It would be nice, wouldn’t it, for a heel to have some Secret Service help; I bet those guys never had any tart mixups.

      • Ché Pasa says:

        Yes, La Ronstadt was hot, no doubt about it, and she made the most of it, too. Now she’s matronly, kind of like Grace Slick, but outspoken as ever, and that grin of hers is still a winner.

        As for getting porked by Brown, I always believed their relationship was perfectly chaste. Zen. They sat in meditation with one another, candles flickering, patchouli in the air, rather than making the two-backed beast. Chanting “Om….”

        Linda never married, but I think she’s got two adopted rug-rats (who must be fully growed by now.) Brown was married a couple of years ago to a stern and straightlaced woman named Ann, a lawyer don’t you know. It was a Big Deal. He finally settled down, they said, at the age of 67 or whatever. Even though he’s been connected with all sorts of women and has been rumored to be tomcatting around all these years, I don’t think he’s actually every had a sex life. To speak of.

  3. michlib says:

    In my book, Rand(ite) Paul is going to be more fun than spending an afternoon swabbing gulf coast beaches with alpaca hair stuffed nylons in 90 degree heat. The way he rose to BP’s defense as if it was a girlfiend whose chastity had been called into question – this is going to be a fun summer, sports fans !
    I’d love to be there for the weekend Kentucky Republicker love-in as Mitch McConnell is forced to smile and claim Rand as the “future Senatah frum Kentuckah “. I’m sure he was Mitch’s choice all along. The GOP has no one to blame – they took in the snarling cur tea baggers, now watch ‘em scramble for the hypodermic with the distemper shot ! Priceless.

  4. retzilian says:

    I love Barbara Boxter. Can’t stand Feinstein. Am ambivalent about Pelosi. Whatever happened to Mary Bono, Sonny’s widow? I think she’s still in the House, right? I suppose I could look it up. Those are the first gals I think of when we talk Collyforny politics.

    Speaking of the senate race, Lee Fisher, Lt. Gov, former rep, former state senator, former atty gen won the primary, which was what I expected even though I was rooting for Jennifer Brunner. Lee is an east side Cleveland Jewish lawyer, well connected, but he’s an insufferable prick. However, I’d love to see him in the senate rather than Rob Porter of GWB administration fame.

    Now, on the other hand, I love Sherrod Brown, MY senator, whose campaign I worked on twice in my life. And Dennis Kucinich, one of a handful of politicians in Washington with any guts and integrity at all – is my Rep.

    Regarding Treme – I don’t get HBO but I watched the 2-hr pilot for free and there’s a lot of good in it, but tbe John Goodman character is over the top and unrealistic, the pace is slow, the characters are cliche, but overall it was well done. I could see getting into it, but I don’t have time anymore.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’m with you on the California Senators, Retz. Ol’ Mary Bono is still around, and just as kooky as her husband was before the unfortunate tree incident. The Ohio race sounds good… anyone connected with Bush has a tough row to hoe. (any allusion to ho-ing has nothing to do with Sen. David Vitter….)

  5. mikeinportc says:

    LR was hot, all the more so because she could actually sing.

    Re the spill , I noticed that one of our NY Honorables (name?) actually made himself useful , during the Wednesday House hearing. ( The one who’s district includes Fishkill, appropriately enough. ;) )

    In case y’all are unfamiliar, the gold rush to the Marcellus Shale is well underway ……in Pennsylvania. NY’s been more cautious, much to the chagrin of the usual suspects, including Inhoffe ( Contaminated wells, houses in danger of blowing up, two! hydrochloric acid spills into a stream, just in Dimmock,PA alone – why would anybody worry?).

    The caution is in part due to lack of info on the Secret Sauce…er.. hydro-fracking compounds. It’s sooooooo safe that we can’t know about it . ( So say the good Senators from OK). One version of the Secret Sauce is the main dispersant being used for The Spill. We still can’t know exactly what it is, but the above-mentioned congressman got hold of the MSDS. It contains the first aid info for treatment of arsenic poisoning. So now we can drill-baby-drill , with our minds eased, knowing that all the fuss was about some lil’ ‘ol harmless arsenic.

    Btw, what’s up with Art? Anything you can put here? I saw the email subject line but couldn’t open , & read it.