What’s That Smell?

Jonah Goldberg, a man whose very existence signals the final collapse of the media, particularly the Los Angeles Times, dropped this pantload last week, and I’m still trying to figure out whether or not it was diabolically clever satire:

“The high standards and wise judgments of people like Walter Cronkite once acted as a national immune system, zapping scandal mongers and quashing wild rumors,” wrote former “green jobs czar” Van Jones in the Sunday New York Times.

When the facts are against you, as another rightie smear merchant of no discernible qualifications, Hannah Giles, said, “Always attack, never defend.”  The Pantload eagerly takes her undoubtedly sage advice, and types the following:

This may be one of the most unintentionally hilarious lines in recent memory. Jones left the White House when his background — as an alleged 9/11 “truther” and as a self-confessed “communist” and “revolutionary” — became grist for the Fox News mill. Mainstream media mostly ignored the story until after he was fired.

Since no one knows unintentional hilarity better than Goldberg, he feels especially qualified here.  The alert reader will notice that he tosses in “alleged” to paper over the most soundly debunked lies, and then addresses the less obvious lies, which were produced by selective reading and backdating only on Fox, as fact.  This fatass knows his audience, anyway.

Now Jones, with billets at Princeton and the Center for American Progress, casts himself as yet another victim, just like Shirley Sherrod, the Department of Agriculture employee fired last week after website publisher Andrew Breitbart released a misleadingly edited video of her (Breitbart, a friend, insists to me that he did not edit the video himself).

Ah, that product of the meritocracy, who only isn’t wearing a WalMart smock right now because his mother was a duplicitous cocktailhag who almost brought down Clinton, is so comfortably ensconced these days that he’s denouncing other people’s earned success.  Knock me over with a feather.  As a bonus, he flatly admits a plain conflict of interest in even discussing the issue, with unaccountable pride in his corrupt credulity.   More smears follow, natch:

You’ve just got to love Jones — a former member of STORM (Standing Together to Organize a Revolutionary Movement), a Mao-influenced organization with a “commitment to the fundamental principles of Marxism-Leninism” — giving Cronkite, the dashboard saint of bourgeois America, his props as a linchpin of American democracy. Yes, yes, Jones says he’s no longer the Red radical he says he was, say, a decade ago. But still: Come on.

I must say, I find such nonsense exhilarating and exasperating.

Exhilarating, in the sense that I have a thin reed to cling to as I drown in my own BS, but exasperating in the sense that people other than me are allowed to speak their piece in the newspapers.  You’ve just got to love Jonah.

For generations, conservatives lamented the decline in “gatekeeping.” When Hollywood portrayed glandular instincts as the new moral compass of the secular age, conservatives waxed nostalgic over the lost decency of the “studio system.” When the education industry shelved the great books and hugged every self-esteem fad, conservatives lamented the “closing of the American mind” and the demise of the three Rs. When the left became enamored with a “riot ideology” that mistook lawlessness for political protest, conservatives invoked “law and order.” Name a front in the political and culture wars, and conservatives defended the authority of authority and the tradition of tradition, while liberals and leftists defended sticking it to the man.

In other words, everything the right has done for fifty years was, basically, a temper tantrum against the will of the majority, and will continue to be, forever.  Where do I sign up?

Except all the other times. Teacher unions and tenured professors, now that they control their guilds, are near reactionary in their white-knuckled grip on the status quo. Liberal legal scholars are a cargo cult to stare decisis, because the precedents are all on their side. On these fronts, the conservatives serve as the stick-it-to-the-man brigades, while liberals like gatekeepers.

Ah, defending tax breaks for the wealthiest among us, letting corporations buy our elections, and letting rich incompetents trash the economy and the planet is, to Goldberg’s Twinkie-addled mind, “sticking it to the man,” and somehow teachers (!)  are involved.  Sheesh.  Are people in LA that dumb?

Nowhere is this more true than in the temples of journalism, where the high priests are barricading the doors with pews and candelabras to fend off the barbarians.

Oh, for Pete’s sake.  This is happening, but it’s always to defend wars, the wealthy, and Republicans from deserved embarrassment…  Does Goldberg read even less than Sarah Palin?

Jones’ nostalgia for Cronkite — truly one of the most overrated national icons of the 20th century — is ultimately so much self-serving bunkum. For instance, when the Climategate e-mails — between leading climate scientists — were released in 2009, a veteran New York Times environmental reporter refrained from posting the private e-mails, a standard he probably would not have taken with internal e-mails from, say, BP.

Who are you calling overrated, Fatso?  Look at the unbroken record or your own wrongness and stupidity, including that last statement, and marvel how dumb you have to be to bring up yet another long-debunked fake scandal to “prove” your idiotic point.  The other side won, as numerous investigations have shown, in “Climategate,” even though the planet lost thanks to you and others’ tireless efforts.  Please make a note of it.

The house Cronkite built did many fine things. It also locked out competing points of view, buried inconvenient bodies, spun the news and racked up a formidable list of Shirley Sherrods all its own. The New York Times whitewashed Stalin’s genocide. Cronkite misreported the significance of the Tet offensive to say the Vietnam War was unwinnable. Dan Rather, Cronkite’s replacement, began his career falsely reporting that Dallas schoolchildren cheered JFK’s murder and ended it falsely reporting on forged National Guard memos. The Rodney King video was misleadingly edited; Janet Cooke made up her stories for the Washington Post.

Pathetic, truly.  Cronkite was right about Vietnam, and the right gets even more wrong as they continue to beat that dead horse.  That’s an argument?  Further, none of the rest of the desperation-tainted examples would pass the Sesame Street test of relatedness, but this portly prevaricator is clearly on a roll:

The media environment today is so dizzying because of two revolutions. On one front we have the upheaval of the Internet, of which the WikiLeaks story — the leaking of 92,000 government documents about the war in Afghanistan — is Exhibit A. (The leaks weren’t just private; they were official secrets! But who cares!) On the other front there’s the consumer backlash — largely conservative, with Fox News as Exhibit A — against the old ideological media monopoly. This pincer movement can be scary. But it’s progress over the Cronkite era.

Yes, we now have a Right-wing propaganda factory posing as a news organization, spitting out provably false but rarely questioned horseshit every day, 24/7, and along with that, we have one obscure outlet for whistleblowers that is under constant harassment and vilification by both parties.  I can almost smell the freedom; either that or the pantload needs another diaper change.


  1. nswfm says:

    This jerk is friends with Breitbart? I couldn’t stand him in the LA Times before I read that.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Ah, you have good taste. But it’s all a family over there: Drudge, Breitbart, Goldberg, Limbaugh, our local Larson; beady-eyed fascist fatties that are all identical cousins when you get down to it. Of course they’re friends. Who else would have them?

  2. daphne says:

    my sister in Santa Monica subscribes to the Times. She has to hold her hand over Pantsload’s column to read the rest of the editorial page – whichever other ones she reads.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I actually enjoy reading ol’ Jonah, in small doses. He’s such a steaming pile of overinflated ego, and so dumb, he’s better than the funnies. (Walter Cronkite was overrated, doncha know…Snort)

      • daphne says:

        my sister and I seem to have inherited (or acquired) a rather low tolerance for crapola. While I used to be able to absorb Coulter, Will and even Limbaugh in small doses, laughing at their inanities, at some point (because I’m getting so old?) they became more annoying and depressing than funny for me. As for my sister, I don’t think she ever had the tolerance for their species.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Well, I probably would have done the same, but now that have this danged blog, I need something both annoying and funny to write about all the time, and the Pantload so often fits the bill. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, indeed, but at least It makes me feel liberal-elitist superior, which he and his ilk hates, but can’t really refute. So I read, and write, and drink even more….

  3. mikeinportc says:

    Jonah ? He almost takes the fun out of it. ( Almost) It’s just toooo easy.

    “(The leaks weren’t just private; they were official secrets! But who cares!)

    Not me. Waaaaayyy too many secrets.
    Ooooooo(!), Official secrets. That makes them holy. Yo, DJ Doughy P-Load, why don’t you just tattoo AUTHORITARIAN on your forehead?
    Suspect 99.999% of it falls into the following four categories :
    1) CMA ( Even enough for you , oh Grand Pantload)
    1a) To prevent having to do a CMA operation
    2) Because I/we can.
    2a) To prove I/we are in The Club.
    [and you're not]
    3) Habit

    Jonah, I suggest that you take a page [ any page, or all of them ;) ] from ex-Randite, Arthur Silber. Study it . See how facts and logic work together ?( To keep one from making a colossal [metaphorical] ass of oneself?) It would also show that return from wingnut hell is possible. How ’bout this one :
    Wikileaks, Resistance, Genuine Heroes, and Breaking the Goddamned Rules (II)

    Ps/OT I brought up the rear of the parade last time, so if y’all missed it, here’s the site for the Bradley Manning defense fund:

    There’s also a link there to (Anti-War Radio’s) Scott Horton’s interviews of Mike Gogulski, who started the site, Daniel Ellsburg, and Julian Assange. [ Figured you might want more of him, CH. ;) ]