Who Is This Barack Person?

Today I got an email from the President, who has been, quite understandably, something of a spotty correspondent here lately, maybe since I always write back something to the effect of, “Write when you find work.”  This time, though, “Barack” actually had something that might get my attention, and even win back my heart, sort of like when a philandering husband comes home with a mink or something.  You have to at least hear them out.  So instead of just hitting “report spam” as usual, I read.  (It’s awfully cold here, and there’s a full-length fisher I’ve got my eye on….)

Hag — (Gotta give him credit for calling me by my first name, anyway…)

Moments ago, the Senate voted to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Well, thanks to crusading liberals like Harry Reid, Joe Lieberman, Robert Gates, and the overwhelming majority of all other Americans supporting such an overdue effort, they did.  And?

When that bill reaches my desk, I will sign it, and this discriminatory law will be repealed.

Whew.  Given your recurring capitulations to the right, I was afraid you might finally make a veto threat, about five too late, but thanks for taking pen in hand.

Gay and lesbian service members — brave Americans who enable our freedoms — will no longer have to hide who they are. The fight for civil rights, a struggle that continues, will no longer include this one.

Yeah, but thanks to you, everyone but the very rich are still well and truly fucked, as well as anybody who gives a rat’s ass about “our freedoms,” but I know you never liked me for my brains in the first place.

This victory belongs to you. Without your commitment, the promise I made as a candidate would have remained just that.

You mean, like all the other ones?

Instead, you helped prove again that no one should underestimate this movement. Every phone call to a senator on the fence, every letter to the editor in a local paper, and every message in a congressional inbox makes it clear to those who would stand in the way of justice: We will not quit.

We?  You’re including yourself in this group?  I hope the Secret Service is about to walk in with a great big silky garment bag, because otherwise, this shtick isn’t going over.

This victory also belongs to Senator Harry Reid, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and our many allies in Congress who refused to let politics get in the way of what was right.

Also?  For your information, like everything else you’ve “accomplished” over the last two years, those two were the ones who stood up for “politics” in the real sense, that is, representing the people who elected them.  You, on the other hand, have squandered your mandate, alienated your base, and made permanent the horrendous policies of your universally despised predecessor, because you’ve chosen “politics” over what was “right,” or even potentially effective, every time, and boy oh boy, did that turn out to be dumb.  (See Shellacking, The….)

Like you, they never gave up, and I want them to know how grateful we are for that commitment.

They haven’t given up yet, which says a lot more about them than you.  Both have been politically damaged, and Pelosi lost her speakership, due to your utter failure to use your bully pulpit and your self-destructive servility to their, and the American people’s,  political enemies.

Will you join me in thanking them by adding your name to Organizing for America’s letter?

No, I’d prefer to thank them personally.

I will make sure these messages are delivered — you can also add a comment about what the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” means to you.

Ah, you’re suddenly allowing comments?  It’s tempting, admittedly.

As Commander in Chief, I fought to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because it weakens our national security and military readiness. It violates the fundamental American principles of equality and fairness.

As Commander in Chief, you could have eradicated the policy in January 2009, if you felt so strongly about it.  You didn’t.

But this victory is also personal.

Really?  This better be good.

I will never know what it feels like to be discriminated against because of my sexual orientation.

But I know my story would not be possible without the sacrifice and struggle of those who came before me — many I will never meet, and can never thank.

Uh, a lot of the people you could thank happen to be (inconveniently) still alive, but you’re already in their spam files, so they’re missing this little missive.

I know this repeal is a crucial step for civil rights, and that it strengthens our military and national security. I know it is the right thing to do….

That may well be, but since you also think that it’s just dandy for our military and our “national security” that we should continue to expand our wars all over the globe and bomb, torture, and kill whomever we please, for whatever (usually secret) reason, I naturally take your opinions with a rather large grain of salt.

Thank you,


Barack?  Thanks, but I’d prefer to call you Mr. President, if only you’d help me out and act like one.  Otherwise, get thee to the furrier.


  1. avelna says:

    The breathtaking hypocrisy still doesn’t fail to astonish me. Let me guess, OFA (Obama Fucked All???) also asked you for moolah.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Surprisingly, no. Maybe it’s the season….. Tis blesseder to give than receive, and all that.
      More likely, they were too embarrassed. Good for them.

  2. mikeinportc says:

    Thanks for the update .
    I stopped getting the love letters ~ 8/08 . Apparently, being among the first few in on a critical blog, about the FISA vote, (on his site- lol) is a relationship killer. The Tan has been rather distant lately too. *Sigh* They’re all going away . [ Maybe somebody actually read the (my) comments on their blog? ;) ]

    “…brave Americans who enable our freedoms …..”

    *gag* – He’s got the RWA phrasing down. [ Along with the policies ;) ]

    • cocktailhag says:

      Sheesh, don’t I know it…. Kind of like when he compares the Federal Budget to a family one; seems like every time he draws breath, he gives another right wing lie new life. What an utter failure my putative best friend “Barack” is. He needs an intervention.

  3. retzilian says:

    Did he actually sign it “Barack?” I deleted it before I read it yesterday. Cracks me up.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Yeah, and “Barack” signed an Executive Order today permitting indefinite detention. Sheesh. At least Dick Cheney didn’t sign himself, “Dick.” It was unnecessary.