Scorpions For Breakfast (With Gin)


Credit: Glendale Tribune

Seems like that ol’ cocktailhag Governor (!) of Arizona, Jan Brewer has been hitting the bottle again, this time when President Obama was visiting, and managed to make a little scene.  That happens to the best of us, admittedly, but judging by her babbling, incoherent performances every time she’s on television, the woman is never sober.  In a state (and political  party) known for its abundance of cocktailhags, Brewer is clearly the drinkingest one.    The funny thing is that the national media was surprised by this, or pretended to be, anyway.  Just as it’s considered unseemly for the news media to call a lying politician something so graphic as a liar,  it’s even more verboten to call a drunk a drunk.  Thus, people who repeatedly cry and blubber on the job can become, say, Speaker of the House, and a woman who took minutes of television time attempting to conjure up a few phrases of meaningless pablum is called, “Governor Brewer,” with a straight face.

Covering up for politicians who drink to excess has a sordid and bipartisan history; unless someone ends up dead, or perhaps in the Tidal Basin with a stripper, journalists have tended to avoid the subject, even when it is clearly interfering with the politician’s ability to do her job.  Worse, clowns like Brewer and Boehner, softened up by fancy lobbyist hooch, tend to give away the store to whomever paid the last bar tab.  As the temperance ladies knew, strong drink and loose morals go hand in hand.  This lesson seems to be lost on the news media, or more likely, just another thing they’ve decided that the public has no business knowing, particularly when it involves Republicans.

Thus, each bizarre and embarrassing episode, whether of crying, finger-wagging, shouting “You lie!” at the State of the Union or what have you is treated as some quirky expression of passion rather than a recurrent pattern of drunken buffoonery.  It could be said, and there’s plenty of evidence, that President Obama is literally driving Republicans to drink, even more than they already did; but if so that in itself is news.  Since all the arrests, unseemly outbursts, and slurred babbling seems to be on the Right lately, I suppose it will take a Democrat or two passing out in the punch bowl before the topic of pickled politicians becomes “fair and balanced” enough to cover in the media.

In the meantime, Obama’s handlers ought to make a note about meeting with the Cocktailhag of the Cactuses:

Breakfast only.  Too drunk by lunch.


  1. daphne says:

    Though it’s quite early, I nominate Brewer for Hag of the Year. I also note her sloppy appearance is more of a clue than her no doubt stinky breath.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Yes, but she did look immaculate when she made an ass of herself on TV that other time, though… Both eyelashes firmly in place and everything. Maybe she’s going downhill, swilling off the bottle in her bathrobe these days.
      Yeah, she’s got to be Hag of the Year. Sorry, Peggy Noonan.

  2. The Heel says:

    I am shocked about the harshness of your comments. Of all people, you should have sympathy with cocktail hags. She is a lunatic drunk old bitch, but she is one of us. So she drinks, so she makes an ass out of herself and maybe she even tips at times.
    …he who is free of sin shall throw the first stone!

    For Pete’s sake, cut that hag some slack, brother ;)

  3. You had to bring up this painful experience in Arizona history. I’ve been avoiding the tube and the net for the last day because I cringe every time I see that image of the Hag (our AZ Hag) standing there on the Mesa tarmac shaking her finger at the President of the United States. I don’t care how one feels politically about either of these two individuals. The simple fact is that this was the most adolescent behavior I’ve ever seen presented by a major elected official. And she happens to be the highest elected official in my state.

    I’m embarrassed. The free thinking people of my state are embarrassed.

    Please don’t equate the actions of this brainless twit to the actions and beliefs of the many sane people in this state.

    • cocktailhag says:

      You mean there are some? That certainly doesn’t include my Dad. I’ll take your word for it, though.

      • I’m not sure where your dad’s beliefs fall on the political spectrum. But, believe me, there really is a high level of intelligent progressive presence here in AZ.

        Unfortunately, the big-money Goldwater minority dominates this state (they have for the last 30 years). But it’s a great place to live nevertheless.

        Stop by some time. I can build a great margarita.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Yeah, I feel like I ought to go down there and visit the Geezer, too, before he tips over. He’s in Tucson, and somewhat to the right of Pat Buchanan. Are you nearby? After the first evening, I’ll probably need to bail. My experience in Arizona is limited to a week at Miraval, two trips to Phoenix to pick up and return ballet sets, and some airport hell. I saw lots of cocktailhags and very few liberals each time. At least they weren’t fat, like in the South, though. I did like the weather, in the winter, anyway.
          Sorry to drag your crazy aunt out of the attic, but after all his site IS, so it’s my beat, and it’s been newsy.

          • Actually, you should go down and visit the Geezer – Even if it’s just for a day to say hello.

            Come up to Phoenix if you have the time. There really aren’t as many “cocktailhags” here as you saw on your last trip.

          • cocktailhag says:

            Sadly, cocktailhags, as a species, are vanishing everywhere, even the fun ones. I blame anti-smoking laws and DUI enforcement.

    • daphne says:

      against her better judgment my daughter and family just made plans to vacation in AZ. next month. Wonder if this latest incident will make her reconsider.

      • Please don’t talk them out of their trip to AZ. It’s beautiful down here this time of year.

        They’ll love it.
        (No, I don’t work for the Phoenix Chamber of Commerce)

  4. michlib says:

    Wonder what the purported ” letter ” was about. Perhaps it said ” a double scotch (burp) on the rocks and make it snappy ! “. I can imagine Colbert’s or Stewarts’ writers having hours of fun imagining witty captions for what already looks like a nominee for picture of the year.

  5. There’s a Hag of the year award? Why didn’t I know this?

    • cocktailhag says:

      Yes, there is, but because here are so many contestants I have to award it considerably more often. It’s more of a Hag of the Year, of the month.

  6. rukidding says:

    I’m not a fan of Obama, but that said, he happens to be Pres of these United States. Getting pretty tired of rightwingnuts making free with their bad behavior because they think it’s A-OK for them to be completely rude, vulgar and disrespectful… because they didn’t get “their way.”

    Methinks Barry Goldwater would be pretty despressed with today’s so-called “Republican” party. Bunch amoral losers on parade.

    PS Tucson is a glorious place (well, I love to hike, and it’s fabulous for that). Go visit the old geezer and then enjoy some of the more progressive parts of town. There are also some quite good restaurants in Tucson.

    • cocktailhag says:

      To righties, all Democratic presidents are de facto illegitimate, and deserve no respect. Clinton got the same treatment, but of course it’s worse for Obama because he’s, well, you know.
      I did a little hiking when I was in Tucson, and it was beautiful, but I never saw much of the town. I did see a lot of trailers.

  7. Ché Pasa says:

    Our Un-Righteous Rightists are really scraping bottom for “heroes” these days if That Brewer Woman (ironic name, no, for a quintessential cocktailhag) is being celebrated far and wide as the Heroine Who Stood Up To The Arrogant Uppity Negro Kenyan Socialist Hitler On The Tarmac. Yay! He is so rude… doesn’t know his place… that’ll teach him a thing or two… yadda and yadda some more.

    She’s quite the little wonder, that one. Though the situation on the Interstate through AZ isn’t quite as dire as it once was — they’ve reopened the rest stop at Meteor Crater after all — it’s still a Journey Through Hell as long as Brewer sits in the Big Chair.

    Poor thing could use a good long rest at one of those spas they used to have in the desert…

    • cocktailhag says:

      Also, it turns out that 2 other dignitaries who were there have contradicted the hag’s story, not that that will dispel her myth-making.
      The spa I went to, Miraval, would be perfect for her. It allows smoking and drinking.

  8. I don’t know what the specifics of the finger pointing was, but: generally and generically, I have no problem with a state’s chief executive shoving a finger in the face of a president. also, too, I’m annoyed by the “everybody stand up when the Prez. walks in” rule. fuck that. In Obama’s case, he simply doesn’t deserve the respect as an individual. In a more general, constitutional sense, these presidential honorifics are misplaced and inappropriate.

    I’ll happily stand up for a judge, as the judge signifies rule of law. But all this respect the Prez. stuff–screw it.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’m of two minds on that. I think being disrespectful in a very public way is, most often, tacky and ineffective, as it was in this case. On the other hand, if a President (or anyone else) provoked the altercation, then bombs away.
      Unfortunately, Republican Presidents (like Bush, Reagan, and Nixon) deliberately provoked rudeness routinely, often to their own political profit. Obama’s main weakness is that he never seeks to provoke, but this shortcoming does make him seem less deserving of such attacks.

      • Much of the reaction I’ve seen in this example has been that this was disrespectful simply and solely because Obama is the POTUS, and one simply doesn’t do that to a POTUS. Sure, Brewer may be some kind of monster-hag, but not generically for doing this.
        I wish the Govs. of California, Nevada and Florida would do this every time Obama lands at one of their airports, based on his stance on the banks and foreclosures alone. It would do him good.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Sadly, Obama’s critics on the left are always kept far from the tarmac. As you well know, we only get to hear righties blather about Obama. Fair and balanced.

        • rukidding says:

          Like cocktailhag, I’m of two minds on this, albeit I spoke, above, about the rudeness of this.

          But what was this hag wagging her fingers about? I seriously doubt it was about Obama’s sucking up to Wall ST & the banks. Rather, it would more likely be that he didn’t do *enough* for the 1%, if anything.

          That’s why I find Brewer so despicable (amongst quite a growing list of other reasons).

          If John McCain had won, he would’ve been doing the exact same sh*t – or worse – that Obama is doing, but if a theoretical Pres. McCain flew to AZ, you can bet your booties that Gov Brewer would be *genuflecting* to him.

          So spare me. The 1% are going to ensure that any politician who might possibly speak up for the rights of the 99% to Obama are going to be kept far far far far away from the Pres with no photo ops allowed.

          This is all Kabuki Show, of course, ginned up to make the voters feel something or other. It’s bogus.

          I’m not too “sad” about having anyone stand when the Pres enters the room, either, no matter what “denomination” s/he is. It’s a matter of courtesy and respect, which is, frankly, sorely missing in this exchange with uber-rightwing Brewer and supposed “lefty” Obama.