who’s the worst cocktailhag in the world?


How much is that Chairmanship in the window?

How much is that Chairmanship in the window?

UPDATE BELOW: NPR “Train wreck”

Well, today it would be Rep. Jane Harman. That boozy, power-grabbing harridan, it seems, got so pissed off in late 2004 that she hurled a really big drink at rival Nancy Pelosi, who unfortunately ducked while John Kerry was left shame-facedly picking the broken glass, fruit, and parasols off his wooden mug.  Oops.  Oh, and incidentally helped us all to enjoy four more years of Bush. I’m generally a fairly forgiving person when it comes to politicians, of necessity, but it is difficult not to hold that sort of thing against the old gal.  I’m sure she’d be a ball, sitting poolside in Palm Springs, sipping something out of a pineapple and talking about the ones that got away.  However, the most valuable lesson of the Bush years, for which we all paid dearly, is that such otherwise endearing qualities can be inversely proportional to one’s fitness for office. Instead, I’d like to invite her to head for the desert poolside of her choice just as soon she can get her wardrobe together, where she can then turn into beef jerky and live to be 114.  I love what you do with the pancake, sister, but a dumber woman I’ve never met, and your betrayal of your oaths of office can’t be plastered over.  When I throw a drink at you, you superannuated Barbie, I won’t miss.  But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.


Harman, always thick with both mascara and AIPAC types, evidently got a little sloppy one night in the giddy era of 2005, when it was starting to look like even root vegetables with D’s after their names could retake the House, and some of her nebbishy pals turned out to be, peskily, under investigation for espionage.  Perhaps having had some recent bunion work done that forced her to temporarily set aside the melodious click of her high heels, she thought a little “waddling” might be in order.  Gimlet eye on a chairmanship being treacherously withheld by that other waxwork, Nancy Pelosi, the waddling began, and soon the New York Times, the Bush Administration, and everybody else was hearing slightly slurred assurances that warrantless wiretapping was “essential… necessary, and legal.”  Coming from a Democrat who wasn’t Joe Lieberman, to boot, fortuitously enough.  Too bad she was under the hair dryer when an aide explained why she mighn’t want to trust “deals” made by AIPAC’ers and PNAC’ers with active wiretaps,  for reasons by then glaringly obvious, because the hangover from that little bender is now really setting in.

New York Times editor Bill Keller issued the kind of slippery, carefully worded yet offhand-sounding denial that confirms the story to the sentient, while unconvincingly denying it to the Villagers, whose sentience is always artfully concealed.  Better yet, after quaffing a few belts of liquid courage, Harman herself denounced the story as old (Washingtonese for true but inconvenient), natch, and recited another prepared, loophole-filled denial of that, and some previous denials, and who knew how important the 4th amendment was, and everybody should be ashamed except her, and, uh, whatever.  Bartender!  It’s clear here that Keller’s journalistic experience, though having failed utterly to sink in ethically, still puts him at an advantage against the ol’ Cocktailhag from a technical standpoint.  He only lies when he absolutely has to; or at least he drinks less. Both of them, despite their false piety and ridiculous backpedaling, however, have demeaned themselves, discredited their profession, damaged their country, and colluded to manipulate an election, the results of which are a multilevel disaster still unfolding.  Thanks.    

The undeniably delicious schadenfreude of watching Harman’s iron coif twisting in the wind on a cord of NSA wiretaps hardly makes for much of a happy ending, though.  The harsh reality of this scandal is that all three branches of government, joined by an arrogantly willing Fourth Estate, all did exactly the opposite of what they were supposed to do in a Democracy, and all for the lowest, tattiest reasons, and thereby created a mess for everyone else in which they are shocked to now find they, themselves mired.  And they’re mad enough about it for all of us.

 Is there room enough in the desert for all of them?

BONUS: Another Cocktailhag, an increasingly addled Peggy Noonan channeling Blanche DuBois by way of Norma Desmond, staggered unsteadily across the set of ABC’s This Week on Mimosa Sunday to babble incoherently about how horrible it all was to have all these unsightly wrinkles, sags, and curlers exposed by a torturer’s bare light bulb, to the world.  ”Mitch, please hang up this paper shade for me.”  Russ Feingold was the only person to suggest rehab, so far.

UPDATE:  Harman weaved through a disastrous interview that began with “We don’t know if there was a phone call,” in the manner some heel husband might say, “We don’t know if there was a floozy.”  Just a few seconds later, this gauzy, maybe-phone call materialized for all to see, and she got all ACLU about it.  NPR’s writeup says, drily, “Oh.  That phone call.”  Jane, please.  Get thee to the nearest bar.


  1. heru-ur says:

    Yes, all four did the exact opposite of what they “should do” in a democracy. We can agree on that.

    Where we will disagree, yet again, is on the fact that they can always be counted on to do the exact wrong thing. The only reason that it is not obvious to everyone is that history is mainly written by government propagandists who worship government power.

    We have never fought a single war that needed to be fought. No, really. We could have survived better as a people if we had never fought a war. Meditate on that one a while Hag.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I don’t necessarily disagree, Heru; I only find that unwinding history back several wars, etc. is impossible, and therefore not that useful. Our lifetimes are sadly limited to what we have, can do, and can possibly understand and oppose while we’re here, trying to just deal with what has already happened, however regrettable. In my lifetime, admittedly, a series of scandals from Watergate to Iran/Contra to the madness following 911 ad nauseam has made patterns emerge for me, but since I no longer take a lot of drugs I don’t have some big overarching theory about it all. It just is. And I see fits and starts amongst your steady decline. We liberals do err to the Pollyanna.
      This is a little worse than usual, though, we probably agree, and that’s whay I thought it was worth writing about. And thinking about.

  2. rmp says:

    On sending them all to the desert. I don’t want them there if they are going to be around those lavish pools. Now Hag, if you will set up a desert prison that uses the enhanced interrogation techniques that most of them supported and make sure that all conversations are eavesdropped on, then the desert sounds fine. Maybe to keep their health up we can have them dig very deep holes to bury nuclear waste. They wasted their lives pretending to represent us and the constitution so they deserve a vacation in the desertthat they will never forget. And I know a whole bunch of WS money cheaters who can join them.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I was thinking the same thing, RMP, but seeing how Nixon, Bush I, II, Cheney, Rove and all the rest have ended up, I was just working in the realm of the possible. The worst thing that can happen to this crowd is a raisiny retirement with no video hookup, sadly. Cut the cable, at least. And recognize that Martha Mitchell was smarter, more honest, and in some ways more sober, than they. I don’t ask for much.

  3. Jim White says:

    “superannuated Barbie” — Just perfect!

    If you have the courage, watch the Andrea Mitchel interview with Harman from this afternoon. I think they use formaldehyde on these two instead of foundation.

  4. Meremark says:

    Well, I feel slightly less futile-istic than you, Hag, about walking it ALL back, revising revisionism, and putting History truth on the record of History.

    My man Wayne Madsen has been 60 days working a series of reports which document the 1980 (original) October Surprise for the treason that it was.
    [Example: March 25-26, 2009 -- George H. W. Bush's near indictment ... What could have been, had Bush, Sr. been indicted for obstruction in 1980]
    Reports complete with who owned the ship (USS Poet) and where it sailed from (Philly) with the Arms (to be traded to Iran for hostages kept hostage, and so not released before the election), what Arms, where the Poet sailed them, (around the Horn), where the Arms were unloaded in Iran, and then — Mission Accomplished — the latitude and longitude where an Israeli torpedo-plane sunk the Poet so murdering 34 US merchant crew on board, and (reporting) who handled all the arrangements (Geo Hitler Worker Bush, to be VP) and Who knew What of it, and When they knew their What. Bush murderer? Stay tuned. Film at 11:

    Yeah, lots of tedious double-documented detail from 29 years ago nobody remembers or supposedly cares … yawn, yawn … and about one more evidence straw on the back of the cover-up camel is all Madsen needs to break the case, stand and raise murder charges against Big Bush Butcher under Maritime Law in International Court, or in Philly, and anyway murder has NO statute of limitations.

    Lately, the day the Harman story broke of subverting the Constitution, violating her Oath of office, and illegally betraying US interests to an illegal foreign country (Israel), Madsen was at it again.
    [April 20-21, 2009 -- SPECIAL REPORT. Anthrax attack on Congress and media had roots in planned US biowar ... From Cabazon to the US Capitol: Congress's funding of covert operations came back to haunt it in the fall of 2001.]
    This time his Special Report walked back the documentation at the advent of illegal (Treaty violating) germ warfare contracts circa 1980, even before, which in three developmental steps became the anthrax murders of October, 2001, and threats of murder delivered in the US Mail at the Congress. (What Madsen didn’t quite connect, but others have, was the germ warfare research a short time earlier, 1976, the only year Geo Hitler Worker Bush was King of the CIA, and authorized, in germ labs in Angola where the HIV virus emerged from, whether accidental or intentional …, uh, does it matter?) But when Madsen does get there, back to 1976, (he’s at 1980 now), in his inimitable style he can produce the documentation, dot the i’s, cross the t’s, and nail the parchment hides to the wall of true History for true review now and later.

    I wondered for a while what the connection was between his report of illegal germ labs the last 30 years on Carbazon Indian Reservation property, California, and what he was omitting to report of the news bombshell in Congress aiding the enemy — Harman spying for Israel. Then I looked it up. The Carbazon Indians (if not the Reservation proper, in Indio), inhabit(ed) Harman’s Cong.District, or, at least, so close that if their people conspired with her people the halfway meeting point would be, as you say, Hag, in Palm Springs.

    - -
    Meanwhile, one step ahead of Greenwald (this time) but two steps behind Jeff Stein, pretty good coverage for one-stop gossiping is at Think Progess .ORG — latest installment:
    Harman: ‘I’m Just Very Disappointed’ NSA Wiretapped Me, After I Voted To Allow Them To, By Ali Frick, on Apr 21st, 2009
    … pushed down the Think Progress front page a few hours later by this story: Lockheed accepts Pentagon’s decision to cut F-22.

    After I had been looking today at this report:
    Top Contributors to Jane Harman(D) during the 2006 Election Cycle
    Rank Donor Amount (US Dollars)
    1 Physical Optics Corp $ 17,100
    2 Raytheon Co $ 17,050
    3 Loral Space & Communications $ 12,000
    3 Northrop Grumman $ 12,000
    5 Boeing Co $ 11,000

    Source: The Center for Responsive Politics’ http://www.OpenSecrets.org site.
    Note: Contributions are not from the organizations themselves, but are rather from the organization’s PAC, employees or owners. Totals include subsidiaries and affiliates.

    Maybe Lockheed is number 6 on Harman’s Top.Conts list and missed the cutoff. Anyway, point being, as military-paid puppets in Congress go, like … traitorous, ubercorrupt, so goes given-up military pork ears double-barrel marks.

    • cocktailhag says:

      It’s always disappointing for a hag to get wiretapped. The best we can hope for is that unflattering pictures aren’t also involved. Dang, but I tried to get rid of her pancaked face back in 2006, but it wasn’t to be. Those MIC bucks are pretty good at swatting down opponents, after al.

  5. Casual Observer says:

    Excellent choice of picture, and beautifully written as always, Hag.

  6. Karen M says:

    CinH: I’ve been trying to figure out why exactly this type of story seems so right for you, and I think I have. Finally.

    Perhaps it’s because you have such a complete yin/yang balance going on here. Your own ethics and sense of aesthetics are pretty refined. These stories, though, are the true underbelly of Life in America (TM).

    I think you are properly maintaining an important balance in the time/space/aesthetic continuum.

    • cocktailhag says:

      It’s too bad the media, so obsessed with turning everything into “narratives,” does such a poor job of it. The largest narrative, that of shallow, narcissistic cretins making big ol’ Daisy Buchanans of themselves is funny and interesting; what you read in the papers and see on TV, considerably less so, as everyone pretends not to notice the elephant in the living room. Al Franken calls it “kidding on the square,” and that’s what I try to do. Thanks for thinking I succeed at it sometimes.
      It somehow seems weightier when Glenn does it, since he’s generally much more serious than I.
      He just sprinkles snark, while I prefer the fire hose.

  7. Retzilian says:

    I’m so glad you commented on Noonan’s reaction about how some things in life need to remain mysterious. Well, you know Noonan’s an old Catholic, probably attended Catholic schools pre Vatican I, wore a little mantilla to church. As a recovering Catholic, I can attest to the idea that we were raised to believe in all sorts of nonsense, and not to question them, and that like the “Immaculate Conception”, virgin birth, rising from the dead, and other amazing feats, some things need to remain mysterious. This expression came from the nuns.

    What really made my hair stand on end is that she’d use it in reference to the torture memos. She truly is beyond hope.

    • cocktailhag says:

      As a fellow recovering Catholic, I know exactly what you mean. Everything is ritual and outside appearance; papering over deep dysfunction and contradiction underneath everything. I noticed that in Italy, with the Pope right there, they’re smart enough not to take anything the church says to seriously, and screw up their lives in so doing.
      How could I ever leave Noonan out of a Cocktailhag post? And I do think she was drunk. Or at least I hope she was.

      • rmp says:

        Maybe she should have been drunk when she talked to Mitchell and NPR and some people would then give her a little break for her sad performance. Now there is no hope except for those of us supporting Accountability Now and Californians who can vote when she comes up for election.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Sadly, I don’t think Harman drinks enough. She ought to. But she’d rather get drunk on power, while maintaining her girlish figure and pronouncing her lies correctly. Go check out the link Pedinska just posted at UT; two great articles on her botched, sober interviews.

  8. Retzilian says:

    I haven’t had a chance to watch/read anything new today from Hag Harman, but I did notice that neither Andrea at MSNBC nor the NPR interviewer asked her about her influence in delaying the NYT expose on illegal surveillance until a year after the ’04 election.

    When I remember how despondant I was when Dubya won in ’04, this actually makes me more angry than her supporting the wiretapping. I won’t be surprised to find out that a lot of media people and congress people were wiretapped either intentionally or as part of this sweep they were doing – still could be doing. (Hi Guys! Wiretap *this*!)

    • cocktailhag says:

      I wouldn’t be surprised, either. Quite the opposite. The only thing FISA was good for was chilling, somewhat, the Nixon/Hoover urge to use the government to “screw your enemies,” by at least having a judge or two know about it. The “enemies,” of course, are all at home. Terrorists, Commies, whatever; utterly invented to mask the real purpose, which is ALWAYS political “intelligence.”
      Sadly, everyone pretends not to understand this.