Before an embarrassingly admiring audience of US Senators, the mysteriously still-employed CEO of something called JPMorgan Chase, Jamie Dimon, summed up the pesky disappearance of a few billion in taxpayer-backed cash and ten times that in shareholder value thusly:

“Importantly, our team has made real progress in aggressively analyzing, managing and reducing our risk going forward.  While this does not reduce the losses already incurred and does not preclude future losses, it does reduce the probability and magnitude of future losses.“

This was at least the third time in an appearance that quite laughably was called “contrite” by the WaPoo that Dimon flatly said, in his appropriately Brooklyn-scented bankerese, “Yeah, we fucked up a lot before this, and we plan to fuck up more; Whatta ya gonna do about it?”  Predictably, Republicans hurriedly lined up to kneel before him like hookers who can’t resist a trash-talking John, especially one in French cuffs.  Adding insult to injury, where do you think he got that word, “forward?”  Our Hope is now Jamie Dimon’s change, and he just can’t resist subtly rubbing everyone’s nose in that fact.

Happily, as an Oregonian I’m blessed with the only Senator on the banking committee who saw anything wrong with this repellent spectacle, Jeff Merkley, but Merkley’s sharp words went over like a fart in church with this crowd, and the score ended up as usual:  Banksters: 1, America, 0;  just as ol’ Jamie knew it would.  When he talks about “class warfare,” he isn’t complaining, he’s bragging, and everyone who isn’t a Villager understands this.

Although this sort of lordly arrogance has obviously become almost boringly routine,  I still find it startling how open they are about it.  As a former Chase Bank customer, I am all too familiar with the fact that Dimon’s whole enterprise is a tottering Ponzi Scheme incapable of anything but larceny, yet often fails at that, too.  Just about every American loathes his bank, especially those who have ever done business with it, but in Washington, he’s a hero, so he can basically tell America to fuck off.   As long as he’s theatrically “contrite” about it.

This oligarchic middle finger follows on the heels on another Randian plutocrat, Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York, also showing everybody that “contrition” no longer means what the nuns used to tell us, at least for the 1%.  Just days after likening a council-approved $10 per hour minimum wage for workers under city contract to something Joseph Stalin might have thought up,  Bloomberg went to a black church to tell its parishioners that a 600% increase in racist and pointless “stop and frisk” assaults in their neighborhood by his personal army was just the beginning, and they could like it or lump it.  Later, he continued to pursue selling off for pennies on the dollar the city’s parking meters to cronies, who, wouldn’t you know, went unfrisked.

The extent to which the obscenely wealthy feel so unencumbered with even the feeblest obligation to pretend they care about the suffering of, basically, everyone, seems new and chilling to me.   Money and power have clasped hands so tightly that they no longer fear the backlash that historically follows such hubris and impunity.  Backstopped with freshly militarized police and decades of increasingly oppressive laws to which they will never be subject, they’re convinced that they’re untouchable, and not without evidence.

Throw in voter purges, Citizen’s United, and Fox News, and they do appear to be, if you’ll pardon the expression, well-hedged.  But as ol’ Jamie just found out, hedges can turn on you, and no amount of lying about it afterward matters when the guillotines come out.  Madam DeFarge did a lot of knitting today.



  1. nswfm says:


  2. avelna says:

    We’re screwed, that’s all there is to it. Yay for Senator Merkley for at least trying though. I bank at Wells Fargo and am unfortunately stuck with them until I can unload the underwater condo I bought for a friend- in-need 5 years ago. A pox on all their houses – they’ve got us by the short hairs.

  3. econobuzz says:

    “The extent to which the obscenely wealthy feel so unencumbered with even the feeblest obligation to pretend they care about the suffering of, basically, everyone, seems new and chilling to me.”

    The POTUS now has their backs.
    (Great post on FDL, btw)

  4. dirigo says:

    “The less you pay, the better you feel.”

    This is sourced to a recording within a commercial web site, which I had need of contacting through my ridiculous computer of course, while, in a confused and thoroughly anxious state, I was checking on flight reservations. I imagined, in this fever, that such a slogan may be soon be offered to any American calling a government phone.

    But hey – you know? – I DO feel better hearing that. Thanks.

    I think my flight is okay. But since I’m not a frequent flyer, not only do I not get any more discounts for this little jaunt, I also remain anxious somehow because I’m going to have to go up in the air with about 150 people, any one of whom could suddenly go bonkers once aboard (not me of course; I’m not THAT anxious).

    Oh my Gawd!

    I paid “less” – but I’m not sure what better really is as a vague impulse, even with a swell slogan and a boarding pass to hold on to.

    • cocktailhag says:

      In my experience, bonkers people are pretty much nonexistent. Screaming babies, however, are almost a certainty. What the slogan means is that the flight will be hell, anyway, so you might as well have paid the least for it possible. Spend the change on booze.
      Noel Coward:
      Q. “How was your flight?”
      A. “Aeronautically, it was a great success. Socially, it left a bit to be desired.”

  5. RUKidding says:

    Quite agree, cocktailhag. The issue, as Mr. I’ve-Got-The-POTUS-Cufflinks-EFF-You-99% Dimon proves, is that almost no one is really paying on whit of attention. Not really. No one I know is even talking about this, so why shouldn’t greedy con-artists & organized crooks like Dimon & Mayor Bloomie do their worst?


    Unless or until citizens actually take notice, firstly, and then decide to finally put the clicker down & get offa their lazy butts to do something… well, the rapine, plunder & pillaging will commence apace.

    And no, the greedy 1% ain’t even gonna go for window dressing anymore. Why not reveal the man behind the curtain who’s getting a group blow-job from all members of the Capitol Hill Gang??? No one gives a shit who the man behind the curtain is, nor that he’s ripping everyone off right, left and center.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I think that both the ignorance and apathy are by design; after all, neither party is planning to inconvenience the banksters, so there really isn’t anything to see here.

  6. Ché Pasa says:

    The extent to which the obscenely wealthy feel so unencumbered with even the feeblest obligation to pretend they care about the suffering of, basically, everyone, seems new and chilling to me.

    Precisely. They are not an aristocracy any more, they believe they are deities, and no one at all can touch them. The Pope in Rome, after all, has his own little problems — ahem — to deal with.

    As deities, they have no obligation to the rest of humanity because they’re not part of “humanity.” They are of another order of Creation altogether, one incomprehensible to the multitude, sublime among themselves.

    So far, nothing at all has been able to touch them or topple them from their perch; so long as that’s the case, they’ll keep doing what they are doing.

    Apparently, they never heard of Polyphemus… (I’m pondering the Greek Thing as a means to singe their tailfeathers at the very least…of course the sharp stick has its uses, too.)

    Dimon is vile, but that John Stump(f) at Wells Fargo has got him beat.

    • cocktailhag says:

      And in out topsy-turvy world, being the least vile villain makes you some kind of hero, at least to our bought politicians.
      (I’d forgotten that part of the Odyssey….)

  7. michlib says:

    The oligarchs must be credulous of their bought and paid for press lionization. It’s such a small nudge before the press may begin dropping the ” job ” from their self appointed ” job creators ” supermen description of these jackals.