Delusions of Gipperhood

When I finally stopped laughing, spraying booze all over, and dumbfoundedly slapping my forehead over Wisconsin Governor (!) Scott Walker’s fawning and delusional 20-minute kiss-up to an anonymous caller unconvincingly posing as uber-oligarch David Koch captured on tape, I got to thinking.  What, in heaven’s name, could make a person so gloriously, blindly lacking in self-awareness to behave in such a manner?  As usual, I blame what I call Republican Affirmative Action; the same phenomenon that got us Clarence Thomas, George Bush, the Quayles, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and on and on.  As long as you’re “one of us,” as the adorably naive li’l Governor put it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a sociopath, halfwit, or nincompoop.  Heck, if you’re all three, you’re just inches away from becoming the next Reagan, in the world according to Fox (and Walker).

Think about that.  I know I’ve told this story before, but when my brother was born his scalp hadn’t closed, but the doctors were able to peer into his brain and thus assure my mother that, yes, he could be President some day.  ”That was before Ronald Reagan,” my German friend told me, “I bet they don’t say that anymore.”  Nixon required all the PR efforts of no less than Fox News’ Roger Ailes to make him seem likable enough to be elected, but even his many detractors never thought he was stupid, just icky.  Reagan, on the other hand, was generally liked, but thought (not entirely correctly) to be a lightweight.  His handlers, to whom he was merely a means to an end, didn’t care.  They knew that none of their plans could be accomplished by appealing to anybody’s intellect, unless they were wealthy, so they went forth to find out where dumber Americans could be peeled off from the Democrats.

Nixon had already blazed this trail with his Southern Strategy, a cynical attempt to exploit racial resentments for political gain among the white working classes in the south and middle America, and Reagan’s team spotted another rich vein of all-American slack-jawedness in the then-nascent “Christian” Right.  All these years later, we now have a black president, abortion is still legal, and gay marriage is on the cusp of becoming reality, but nonetheless the Republican Party, which remains devoted as ever to the wishes of the malefactors of great wealth, has been miraculously recast as the party of the “little guy” while racking up such populist triumphs as ever lower taxes on the rich, ever fewer regulations on larcenous banks, and further environmental degradation.  It was a neat trick, but let’s just say its stunning success started thinning the blood flow to the brain amongst its officeholders, as we now clearly see with Governor Walker.

By creating the alternate reality of its own media and “think” tanks, the right no longer has to worry as much about constantly being proved not only wrong, but dishonest, but it’s now become a victim of its own success. Once you’ve relentlessly exalted your bumbling string of standard-bearers for “achievements” like firing 11,000 air traffic controllers, barfing on the Japanese Prime Minister, allowing the country to be attacked by terrorists then losing two wars, busting the budget, or what have you, who can blame, say, Sarah Palin for thinking she might one day end up on Mt. Rushmore?  Like Walker, Palin is the product of an era where “don’t confuse me with the facts” is no longer a punch line, but a way of life.

The right has been so successful in drowning out inconvenient facts over the years that its younger “stars,” and I use the term rather loosely, are as bone-headed and clueless as the rubes they’re sent out to hoodwink.  Dick Cheney may have demanded that all TV’s be tuned to Fox before his arrival, but he knew better than to believe any of it.  He watched in the way a director might attend his own play again near the end of the run, to look for little errors in presentation, certainly not to learn anything.  He also didn’t jabber away to random phone callers in his undisclosed location; he didn’t even use email.

At the top, those on the right know that everything they say in public is essentially the opposite of the truth, and are as such compelled to at least periodically peek outside the bubble, if only to check whether the lie of the day is still going over.  Lower down the food chain, such pointy-headed thoroughness is now seen as a sign of weakness.  In Walker’s Fox-addled world, the protesters are “almost all” from out of state, and busting unions will surely get his name on an airport someday; if Sean Hannity says so it must be true.  Good luck with that, Scooter.


  1. dirigo says:

    Yeah, well Newtie has been undressed this week as a little guy with a little, if wayward, one.

    And Roger Ailes has been fingered telling ex-vanity Republican publisher Judith Regan a while back to lie about her affair with former NYC police commish Bernie Kerik, ostensibly to protect the unsullied image of Rudy Giuliani.

    Hooo – ahh …

    • Pedinska says:

      Hi dirigo!

      So Newtie’s, um, newtish. I’ve suspected for years…… ;-}

      This one was a howler Hag. I’m still chuckling. Cheney has no one to blame for all this brainlessness but himself and their strategy for taking over the nation. I mean, when you lead with Fox you’re bound to end up with the dumbed-down results. Now they have to live with it.

      Unfortunately, so do we.

    • dirigo says:

      Couldn’t find it easily, but Rachel Maddow did a great piece on the ties between Walker and company called Wackenhut, apparently a cheese-head version of Blackwater. Eye-popping to say the least.

      Worth a look if YOU can find it.

  2. Annice says:

    Walker needs to step outside and talk with the crowd to only see that they are mostly all from Wisconsin! He could’ve joined Ed!

  3. cocktailhag says:

    I saw both stories, Dirigo, and thought they were funny, but writing about them might have conjured up images of them naked, and I didn’t think my stomach could take it….

  4. dirigo says:

    CHNN’s eastern desk is reporting Gen. William Caldwell is being reassigned to Wisconsin, to help Gov. Walker persuade labor protesters to “give it up” for the sake of the nation.

  5. daphne says:

    2nd paragraph, about 2/3 down: “nearly” or “merely” a means to an end? It kinda makes sense either way.

  6. avelna says:

    And now – wait for it…Christine O’Donnell to join ol’ Tom and lil Bristol on Dancing With the Stars! Woo Hoo!!! Wonder when Walker’s turn will come.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Oooh, I can just see O’Donnell right now, twirling away to Cher’s “Dark Lady!” Pass the popcorn.
      Walker? If he were to be able to dance, which I doubt, he’d have to do something about that comical bald spot. Maybe something from “Fiddler on the Roof” so he could wear a yarmulke.

  7. retzilian says:

    You have to keep in mind that America’s Aristocracy is inbred and populated by some pretty handicapped people. Years ago I had a rich boyfriend who lived in Wilmington, DE, on the same street as several of the DuPont family. The DuPonts were notorious for inbreeding, siring a collection of morons, hemophiliacs, mental cases and Boo Radleys that nobody ever got to see. I kid you not.

    Meanwhile, the Astors and other NYC aristocrat families are rife with scandal, murder, incest, inbreeding, and all manner of pain exclusive to royalty. I suspect the Koch brothers are very stupid people, like 80-something IQ people, tops. They are inbred.

    • dirigo says:

      Maybe the Koch brothers are actually cousins but don’t know it. A mix-up in the maternity recovery room perhaps.

      Practically twins these guys.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Ah, a problem that goes back to the Tudors and The Medicis…. not to mention trailer parks. David’s trophy wife appears to be at least 30 years his junior. Aren’t May-December marriages romantic?

  8. The corporatists have been looking for a new Gipper for quite some time. The “original” served their purposes well. Ronnie was bright, but not too bright. Ronnie was marginally altruistic, but they knew that he favored money over people. Plus, Ronnie already had that built-in Hollywood image that they knew could always put-one-over on the populace.

    And, Ronnie was easy to control.

    They thought they had a perfect match in “W.” They even got him into a ranch getaway, where he could clear brush, like Ronnie, and look like one of the boys. But, “W” wasn’t bright enough for the role. People soon saw right through him.

    Next up – Scott Kevin Walker.

    Good luck with that!

    • dirigo says:

      Way back, Reagan cut his teeth on “dirty hippies” littering up the California state college system.

      Walker has, ironically, the equivalent of Nixon’s beloved “hardhats” as enemies: regular, salt of the earth types who love the Pack and drive ambulances, snowplows and firetrucks. But course, these hard working folks are suffering from the adverse influence of commies, and some Swedes, from Ohio and Indiana.

      • Damn Swedes – Can’t trustum!

        (No offense grandpa)

        • dirigo says:

          The Stieg Larsson books are flying off the shelves in Madison, and more and more women there say they’re going to attend protests dressed as Lisbeth Salander.

          Boo !

          (I’m half-breed Swede, but I didn’t grow up in the upper Midwest.)

          • Hey – No knocking Lisbeth. She’s hot.

            btw, I’m half-breed Swede as well. We should compare our family trees sometime.

          • dirigo says:

            Oh no knock on Lisbeth. I think she’s the first, great 21st century female character in fiction.

            Just picture thousands of Lisbeth lookalikes surrounding the Wisconsin capitol building.

            Short and sweet: my family on the Swedish side were islanders, from Oland.

          • Small world. My Swedish ancestors are also from Oland. It’s a small Island, but it became much more populated once the bridge was built.

            Send me your email address (to We can share some info on the old country.

          • dirigo says:

            That’s what they need in Madison: a new bridge.

            If the governor would come to his senses, they could call it the Walker Span, a symbol of reconciliation.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Don’t forget Paul Ryan, their other boy genius…

      • You’re right. Paul even combs his hair the same way.

      • avelna says:

        Actually I think he looks pretty dorky but I bet there are tea partiers that swoon over him.

        • cocktailhag says:

          The tea partiers swoon over everybody. They like swoonin’. Doesn’t mean anybody else will, and that’s always the problem for Republicans. Worse, he actually laid out a plan, which is dumb enough, but it’s one of the more retarded documents the righties have going. It RAISES taxes on everyone but the rich, and cuts theirs in half, while increasing the deficit further and killing Medicare and Social Security.
          But it does have numbers, and therein lies the problem. That and the hair.

  9. Ché Pasa says:

    2011 has been declared The Year of Revolution, triggered in the North Africa and the MidEast (perhaps; there were plenty of uprisings in Yurp before the Tunisia Thing) and spreading around the world, including our own MidWest.

    Scott Walker may be an Arch-Doofus, but he’s keeping the pot stirred (bless his craven little Xtian heart; oh yes, they tell me he’s a Big Xtian), and that is keeping the rebellion alive. There are solidarity rallies scheduled all over the country today (02/26/11) coming on top of solidarity actions earlier this week and on the same day as dozens of USUncut actions — modeled on the ongoing protests against the Austerity measures of the Cameron/Clegg debacle in Britain.

    Walker and his sponsors may think he’s the New Reagan, but the upshot may not be quite what they had in mind.

  10. Ché Pasa says:

    Rude, isn’t it?


    Bwah hah hah hah!

    Off to the Rebellion presently.

    ♪Solidarity for-evvvvvver!♪