It’s My Party, And I’ll Cry If I Want To

Predictably, incoming Speaker of the House (!) John Boehner cried when handed the gavel by Nancy Pelosi, and as promised, he and his party are about to give America plenty to cry about.  Of course, several of the lies they told to get the House majority have already been exploded, most significantly the $100 billion in cuts they promised to make in programs other than Social Security, Medicare, and the Pentagon, which is a little like saying they’re going to pay off the mortgage by returning bottles and going through the sofa cushions, so they may be in for a chilly honeymoon with their teabagging supporters when reality, well, bites.

Equally predictably, the media, in angelic harmony, waxed rhapsodic about this supposedly epoch-changing event as though it were anything more than the logical conclusion of the Citizens United decision, wherein corporations were allowed to openly buy the Congress, thus restoring the same thieving scumbags voters tossed out for their rank corruption and incompetence just two years ago.  Time and again, the laughably ridiculous notion that the “American People” had somehow demanded to sacrifice their well-being, health, and future to a bunch of bigoted, lying know-nothings who plan to rob them blind was repeated as though it were so by the pampered nitwits of the media.

It’s all eerily familiar, isn’t it?  The same bunch who compared George W. Bush to Winston Churchill when any fool could see he was closer to Colonel Klink, and showered hossanahs on David Petraeus for his “victories” in the costly and debilitating failures of Iraq and Afghanistan would naturally be inclined to see the elevation, via an unprecedented tsunami of secret corporate money, of a drunken sleazeball like John Boehner as yet another Great Moment in History.  It is, but not in the way they intend.  Don’t tell Chris Matthews, David Gregory, or Andrea Mitchell et al, but the Republicans discovered long ago that they couldn’t win elections honestly, so they’ve come up with a better idea, and it’s working, to a point.

After the chastening experience of 2000, when despite fawning coverage of the absurdly unqualified Bush and relentlessly brutal treatment of the only competent nominee, Al Gore, Republicans still lost the popular vote, they swung into action; starting wars, packing courts, and what have you, to create a “permanent”  (read: manufactured) majority for themselves.  Finally, with Citizens United under their belts thanks to two Supreme Court appointees willing to perjure themselves to get confirmed, Republicans thought they had found a way around the pesky obstacle of actually getting elected, repeatedly, regardless of performance.

Well, now it’s time to perform, and that’s always the sticky wicket.  Republican governance, after all, is always about looting the treasury to reward their benefactors at the expense of everyone else, and they’re victims of their own success at this rather expensive endeavor.  Even after he’s had a few, and his orange color starts to get tear-streaked, ol’ Boner still knows that the Military Industrial complex, the banksters, and Big Oil don’t like their welfare checks to bounce, so he’s already in a pickle with the teabaggers about raising the debt ceiling.  And there will be hell to pay amongst the geriatric, primary-voting Fox audience if Social Security and Medicare are cut, so he’s going to have to come up with an improbably large amount of money from what, the Forest Service?  It always seemed unlikely, at least to those of us not in the media.

What will happen, of course, is that the new Republican House, to steal another election, has written a whole lot of checks its benefactors won’t let it cash, so despite being sworn in, unprecedentedly, by our supposedly non-partisan Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John “balls and strikes” Roberts, this crowd will immediately revert to the ol’ Dick Cheney “deficits don’t matter” mantra faster  than Boehner can slam down a double scotch at last call, and Fox News will tie itself in knots trying to explain how this sudden turnaround is Necessary and Right.  Good luck with that.

Best of all, the media-created ticker tape parade for the Republicans has gotten so out of hand that the utterly bonkers Michele Bachmann is talking about running for President in 2012, and another selfless arbiter of Equal Justice, Antonin Scalia, has offered himself up to help that cuckoo back-bencher teach evidently benighted Americans about the Constitution.  It’s going to be an interesting two years at the rate we’re going, since regardless of politics, nobody likes a crying drunk, and now one is House Speaker.

Bring it on.


  1. Pedinska says:

    It was mildly surprising to see, when the camera panned to the gallery, that Boehner’s family don’t resemble oompa loompas in the slightest fashion. Good for them.

    I liked the Big Gavel remark by Pelosi. Nice little understatement about overcompensation. ;-}

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’ve always liked that Pelosi gal, and she went out with class. (The wife was a little Oompa Loompa, though, and she certainly looked fittingly careworn… give the next generation some time).
      The Penthouse move-in is imminent, so I’ve been blogging lightly; glad you’re still checking in.
      Pictures to come.

      • Pedinska says:

        Whose penthouse is this? I’ve been enjoying the pics you showed me. You’v done a great jo on it. I’m gonna have to drag you to Ohio, get you drunk on umbrella drinks and take advantage of your talent. ;-}

        Hey dirigo! I firgure with a name like Boner the man’s gotta show his softer side somehow. :-)

        • cocktailhag says:

          It’s my friends and longtime clients (Urban Oasis, etc…) Grant and Gayle, and you should see it now, Sister. That dump is SWANK. Maybe I’ll send you some teaser pics; it might not be blog ready for a couple of weeks.
          I’d love to come down… Retz isn’t too far away, either, and I can bring extra furs.

        • dirigo says:

          Right. All the lionizing of the Founding Foreskins – plus indignation about political satire from Bachmann, and piles of grizzly shit from Palin – for this?

          No thanks. Keep moving, folks. Nothing to see (or hear) here but cognitive dissonance.

    • avelna says:

      I did note however, that the wifey seemed to be every bit as orange as The Orange. Were they successful at ridding the health care bill of the dreaded tanning booth tax?

  2. dirigo says:

    Why does this asshole cry all the time? Give me a break?

    Not interested in his little soap opera.

  3. mikeinportc says:

    “Time and again, the laughably ridiculous notion that the “American People” had somehow demanded to sacrifice their well-being, health, and future to a bunch of bigoted, lying know-nothings who plan to rob them blind was repeated as though it were so by the pampered nitwits of the media.”

    Unfortunately, it’s too often the case ( I know plenty of ‘em) , although I’d call it a slight preference , rather than a demand . A sizable minority , rather than an overwhelming majority, I’d guess .

    • cocktailhag says:

      I know the types… They somehow think “their” taxes are going to undeserving darkies rather than bankers, millionaires, and Dick Cheney. Math isn’t their strong suit.

  4. Del Munroe says:

    It’s all about American Culture. The perpetual gullibility of those who want immediate relief they are willing to believe anything to avoid reality. That reality is that the well being of our citizens are being sacked by
    the elite royalty of old money and power. The Tea Baggers were gleefully extorted by the super elite royalty into believing no new jobs would be created if the rich did not get their tax relief. Their is something inherently wrong with that kind of proposal to begin with and why more citizens didn’t suspect it is beyond me. Well the elite rich have had ample opportunity to create jobs in America. How much time and tax breaks does it take ? Perhaps they intended for us to all move to China and India where they are creating jobs with their surplus tax savings.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Exactly. It’s been subtle (except on Fox), but unmistakable: rich people are increasingly treated as higher beings by the media, to justify their plunder, which makes sense because members of the media are generally wealthy, too.

  5. Hey Tony – you’re a politico! I’m your cousin, Jennifer – Carl’s daughter. Great to be in touch!

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’ll say… What’s it been, 40 years? I’m delighted to hear from the liberal side of the Smith family. I missed Carl last time he was in town, because Dad was in the hospital… Tell him I’m sorry and I hope to see him next time. Please keep reading; I’ve been more than usually lame lately with the blogging, due to that pesky day job, but the clients moved in today, so I’ll soon be back to writing more, and maybe you’ll like some of it.
      Who told you about my blog?

  6. nancy says:

    Matt Taibbi’s got his number in a lengthy takedown in Rolling Stone. As they say, you won’t want to miss it.

    In sum: “Boehner, in short, has for most of his career been a Bush Republican, i.e., a corporate schmoozer and a remorseless spender of taxpayer money for whom the notion of small government is just something to say when the cameras are on, or when the public money in question might go to poor people or immigrants or other such unlikely golfers. This was a fine way to be during the 2000s, back when America was still unfucked enough to enjoy a phony real estate boom and launch recreational wars of conquest in the Middle East — but in this new decade, post-Bush and post-crash, there is serious doubt on the Hill that a reflexive favor-churner like Boehner will be able to keep delivering Republican votes to lavish taxpayer money on his industry pals. Money is simply too tight now, and people are too pissed off.”

    Unlikely golfers. Love it.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Great article…. I finally got a chance to read it. I doubt, though, whether the teabaggers will ever revolt; they’re too committed (or ought to be) to their bonkers ideas, and too poisoned against the common enemy: liberals.

  7. timothy3 says:

    Hey Tony! It’s your long-lost cousin Timothy from Boise!

    Seriously, the worst part, theatrically, of the transition was Pelosi hugging the OrangeMan of Somewhere Southwest of Syracuse.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Yeah, once the Boner was up there by himself, the comedy gold began. Nice to see you again, T3, and I hope you haven’t been having any more trouble with the comments section.