The Commies Won
When I was growing up, we always laughed at the relentlessly upbeat statements that came from the old Soviet Union, where even disasters were turned into triumphs, and leaders, statues, and the names of places themselves switched magically as fashion and leadership required, which usually worked out better for the places renamed than the people thus discarded. One never assumed that an honest transfer of power had taken place, nor were the myriad other rosy scenarios to be believed. We probably never knew the whole story, but most likely life for the average commie (unlike at Lake Wobegone, all commies are assumed to be average) was pretty close to what we all thought it was, and pretty much the opposite of what we heard from Pravda. In short, it was a dreary, if not impoverished life, where a few oligarchs controlled the masses through a robust police state and propaganda machine while they pursued their imperial dreams into eventual bankruptcy for everybody. Thanks to St. Ronnie, such a thing could never happen here, which is certainly reason enough to put his pancaked mug on the $50, where most of the rabble won’t ever see it at the rate we’re going.
What was most sinister about the Soviet system, though, was its Orwellian addiction to rewriting history simply because, well, it could. Thus, the foibles great and small of the current cabal in power could be transformed into an immaculate arc of righteous progress against the pure evil of its every opponent, whose name and face must immediately be wiped from every street sign, monument, or book, to be replaced by those in favor, whose health often would then become a topic of conversation. Outside of weapons, one of the best industries to be in would have been statue making, and I’m sure that the commie system produced its fair share of little Richard Cheneyovs to take advantage of this. (The commies invented no-bid contracts, you know…) Book printing would have been something of a gold mine too, since every few years whole libraries would have to be replaced to protect the next generation from the dangerous ideas and subversive people recently laid to rest (the latter more literally than the former), no doubt drawing the attention of some little Rupert Murdokovitch, who would definitely have liked the lack of competition, anyway.
Well, now that we already have the shady elections, compromised media, widespread poverty, bloated military, gulags, and unaccountable ruling class, what’s really left to “win” from the commies but their curious approach to history? Someone needs to think of the children, and fortunately, in Texas, they are, using their singular power to rewrite all Americans’ textbooks to exalt Jesus, Phyllis Schlafly, and Ayn Rand, not necessarily in that order. Move over, Abe Lincoln, Jefferson Davis just brought back the Fairness Doctrine, and the Contract with America has now officially kicked the New Deal’s sorry ass to the curb where it belongs. This new American Ministry of Culture has leapt boldly into commie territory, its Commissars hastily declaring who’s up and who’s down in public school textbooks, because the craziest members of the State Board of Education have been involuntarily retired by the notoriously crazy-friendly Texas voters, and only have 10 months to cut and paste.
Just like Krushchev banging his shoe, these chicken-fried Stalinists are not being at all shy about how many statues they still have to pull down; separation of church and state, the Great Society, Imperialism (the word, not the thing, of course), and best of all the Recent Unpleasantness we used to call Civil Rights, which children might as well henceforth learn hasn’t amounted to much beyond a lot of “unrealistic expectations of equal outcomes.” In their place, the heroic doings of the Heritage Foundation, The National Rifle Association, the Moral Majority, and going back a bit, Stonewall Jackson, will step into the footlights beside the one true God besides Jesus, Free Enterprise, accompanied by stirring “country and western” music. Seriously.
Please, Texas, secede already. We’ll risk the children being left behind.
Ah, Texas – bloated Republicants, polluted groundwater, the great experimental lab of Theocracy. Let us not forget favorite hybrid ( Texas/Connecticut ) son W the 43rd and his Orwellian named policies: Clear Skies (pollute freely), Healthy Forests (clearcutting), and No Child’s Behind Left (leave behind millions of disadvantaged/special needs students in the ” on your own ship ” de-funded public schools ). We now know where the fodder for our future Wars du Jour will come from.
Not if they secede, though. Maybe we can come up with an “amnesty” for Texans who wish to join America for its wars only.
Soviet statues – It’s amazing how important these symbols of the Soviet Union became before the fall. I visited a relative once in Budapest, Hungary. He took me to Szoborpark (Statue Park) outside of the city where the Hungarians collected all of the Soviet era statues that were scattered around Budapest during the “occupation.”
The Hungarians were never fond of being considered a Soviet satellite, but they used their artistic talents to create some of the most elaborate marble, bronze and copper statues of communist leaders in the Soviet Bloc.
There are huge statues of Lenin, Marx, Engels and others in the park. It’s become quite a tourist spot.
Perhaps someday we’ll have our own Szoborpark in, say, San Francisco with statues of St. Ronnie and others, where American tourists can reflect on the leaders who once came close to ripping apart the fabric of American society.
Let’s see, perhaps an equestrian Jesse Helms, a priapic nude of Strom Thurmond from his salad days, a BVM that suspiciously resembles Peggy Noonan; the possibilities for both art and irony are endless.
Perfect! And a large marble Budai statue with Karl Rove’s face would round out any exhibit.
Facing reverently toward the colossal George II in the flightsuit, which could be rotated to follow the sun.
From a topped, stripped , WVa mountain top, a three-dimensional remake of the Sistene Chapel ceiling . Of course, God = St. Ronnie, who is reaching to bring life to W .
Yes, this could work.
But we would need the other disciples of the wingnut movement to provide a complete picture. Perhaps a “Last Supper” approach with W, Rove, Kristol, Beck, Limbaugh, and others with St. Ronnie in the center could give us the right look.
What do you think?
Ewww. I hope they have their clothes on.
Well, now that we already have the shady elections, compromised media, widespread poverty, bloated military, gulags, and unaccountable ruling class, what’s really left to “win” from the commies but their curious approach to history?
As you know, Richard absconded from the Czech Republic prior to the crumbling of the Berlin Wall. I vividly remember him putting my suspicions into words when we were watching the campaigning for the 2000 elections, and after. He would sit in front of the tv and mumble, “Just like the fuckin’ communists.”
Except for rather radically different domestic goals, Richard has us pegged. Too bad there aren’t a whole lot more expatriates from the USSR around. It might give us a bit of needed perspective.
Is Tom a Texan? This guy could help him pack his station wagon for the long trek to Utah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFwrOek5oeM
That was very cute, Dirigo. Ya think the Jesus state will accept such a small portion? I bet “settlements” will quickly ensue, particularly in the areas ceded to the brownish, but that’s just a wild hunch.
Well, being vaguely familiar with Texas demographics as I am, having worked there lo these many years ago, the Hispanic influence on contemporary politics in the Lone Star state is significant.
The “secessionistas” are the white Texans, and, while state officials and hack academics at UT, Baylor, or wherever, claim a legal basis for Texas to secede, there’s nowhere else for them to go, except maybe to their ranches in New Mexico. And there, they’ll just run into the hired help, who are Indians. And more Hispanics.
There ya go!
Well, given their rather transparent elevation of the heroes of the old Confederacy, I bet they have a dandy plan to get rid of the Servant Problem, once and for all.
Now that property (corporations) are officially people, why shouldn’t people (especially the browner kind, just go ahead and become property again?
In this month’s Texas Republican gubernatorial primary, Rick Perry, the incumbent, defeated Kay Bailey Hutchison, U.S. senator, by more than 20 points, with Debra Medina garnering about 20.5 percent of the total vote.
What does it mean?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13FokgKgyKY