“the world needs more trigs, not fewer.”

UPDATED BELOW:  CHNN research department steps in….

Thus spake Sarah Palin today as she unexpectedly resigned as Governor of Alaska.  Demographically, she may be onto something.  If, say, 51% of the world had Down Syndrome, it’s entirely possible she could be elected Queen.  Moreso than under the current situation, anyway.  But such a demographic switch seems unlikely to come to fruition by 2012, no matter hard the Palin family and their followers work at it.  Thus, the only part of her lengthy, unfocused, mendacious, and patently ridiculous speech today that I came close to believing is a mathematical impossibility.  Maybe she crunched her numbers with her pals at the Creation Museum, where she will no doubt be giving frequent appearances between then and now.

After all, she knows her audience, and they don’t need no Down Syndrome to be idiots.  All she needs to do is shout “Liberal!” to her followers, and a thousand bullets will land wherever she pointed her manicured finger.  Nice work if you can get it.  But what her antics reveal is the frightening bloodlust and contempt for reality of her followers, to whom no crazy, lazy, and self-serving tantrum could ever be too much, and no bizarre conspiracy too farfetched, as long as the usual enemies were the real cause of it all…  She saw Glenn Beck approaching her in name recognition, Bill Kristol landing so  remarkably softly at the WaPoo,  and Karl Rove making so danged much more money, and suddenly it occurred to her that Alaska’s crony capitalism was cripplingly bush league, (not Bush League, mind you, where the money is strikingly better…), and when “Senior Fellow” positions were falling like rain on all these other discredited righties from the well-seeded clouds of wingnut welfare, she was doing something demonstrably wrong, and worse, counterproductive, by having a real job and doing it.  Way off message, Sister.  And as an Alaskan too, the poor thing had to fly all the time, and commercial was just getting old.  We can all feel her pain that way.

Of course, I’m merely parsing her obviously lie-filled words; one rule of Republican discourse is that rather than gaining anything from the plain text, one must always dig deeper into the smears (of people who know the truth), the lies (believe the opposite and you never go wrong; even the pathetic Harry Reid pointed this out once), and the veiled intentions, invariably cast as some  greater endeavor, which not unsurprisingly is made more difficult to accomplish by overwhelmingly negative public opinion and that pesky Constitution.  The much-needed skill of translating flat lies into some semblance of actual intent, however, honed over the Bush/Cheney/FOX News era, is now annoyingly widespread amongst ordinary Americans, if not Greta Van Susteren, so she might have made her speech shorter.  People with Down’s, you know, have notoriously short attention spans.

Happy Fourth, America, and I’m proud to announce that Democrats for Palin 2012, Park Avenue Headquarters, has just officially been established, right here in Little Beirut.  I promise not to drink all the proceeds.

UPDATE:  Not wanting to spoil my appetite, nor be tripped up by tight skirts and winks, I read only the transcript of Palin’s speech before I posted, and didn’t actually watch it until afterward.  Big Mistake.  I have never seen a woman so nuts; she makes Nicole Kidman’s character in “To Die for” look like Madeleine Albright.  The rushed, breathless delivery of a teenage kid explaining what happened to the car, telling her audience that due to some nefarious forces she had to quit her job, in this economy, halfway through, was simply too crazy and stupid to believe.  Is she going for the people who think Michele Bachmann is too much of a namby-pamby liberal? Yes.  My heavens, how the GOP has fallen.

Does that puff of smoke you saw in the bottom of the canyon on the “Road Runner” cartoons come to mind about now?  Yeah, me, too.

50 Comments

  1. rmp says:

    Surely you know exactly what she means when explaining her resignation. “I am keeping my eye on the ball and passing to my teammates.” She tired of being required to work at governing a state at such a low pay grade. Of course, she did damn little work. I understand her husband was in the office 50% of the time, hard to say what her office was, the baby’s bedroom, their bedroom, the kitchen, maybe once in a while, the governor’s office. So I don’t think she was all that overwhelmed at governor’s work. She just didn’t like such mundane work when she could be a speaker and traveling star.

    So now she can make 50-100K per speech, get someone to write a book with a very large advance, and take on a radio/TV show with a multi-million dollar paycheck. So her reason for leaving is primarily mercenary. Of course it also gives her great exposure for running for president. It doesn’t do much for her baby, but she can just bring him along like she did during the last campaign.

    She disgusts me so much that I don’t even like to write or think about her.

    • cocktailhag says:

      That’s the wrong attitude, Paul. If the Repugs are going to waste time, money, and attention on such a transparent and opportunistic fraud, let ‘em. Glory in it. Let it be written across the sky in tomorrow’s fireworks. Caribou Barbie 2012? Good luck with that. We could run a turnip against her.

    • dirigo says:

      Uh uhhhh … if you don’t like her, you’re a sexist !!!

  2. sysprog says:

    After watching her weird and manic speech, I don’t think all this was prepared and rehearsed.

    Neither does this Alaskan think so:

    http://www.themudflats.net/2009/07/03/palin-resigns/?cp=2#comment-86451

    The timing.

    Hmmm.

    She says this was planned and discussed.

    Todd flew back from Bristol Bay fishing LAST NIGHT.

    The peak of the season is July 4, with the volume of the run of salmon for the entire season, the first week of July.

    It’s over by July 15.

    [...]

    Naw.

    Couldn’t have been planned for Todd to blow off fishing July 2nd.

    I missed my grandmother’s funeral because we were out fishing.

    My dad missed my brother’s birth.

    It just doesn’t work that way, it’s a one-shot deal. You’re either there or no season. You can’t make it up some other time. Why would he have bothered to gear-up for fishing, make the investment in being there and preparing for fishing, if he wasn’t going to be there for these few decisive peak days?

    He flew home for some kind of a really big huge deal.
    - – commenter at the “Mudflats” blog

    How to interpret that weird and manic speech?

    I think perhaps what she was really saying was:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESidBrr2cxk

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’m looking down at the high school, now a part of PSU, that Mel Blanc attended, and thinking that during the election Palin was “EIEIEIEIE….” that wobbly noise, and now she’s, (insert mournful music accompaniment here…) “Whah, whaaaah,” that it’s over noise. If you like Bugs Bunny like I do, you should listen to Stephanie Miller, on KTLK in Los Angeles.

    • Karen M says:

      I’m still expecting another scandal. Frankly, I think the media gave up too soon and too easily on the story about Trig’s birth. The supposed sequence of events in that narrative ne’er did ring true.

      But… it could be something else.

      (I completely agree, sysprog, about the off-the-cuff nature of that speech. Quick document/speech dump before the holiday weekend starts. Short attention spans, remember?)

  3. The best part for me was that William Kristol immediately let it be known that her resignation was a shrewd and savvy move meant to prepare her for a presidential run in 2012. Since that smug SOB hasn’t ever been right about anything in his entire career, I’d guess, like sysprog, that Signora Mooselini has indeed decided to spend more time with her family. (Better her than me, I have to say, better her than me.)

    • cocktailhag says:

      Hardly unexpected; she was his Eliza Doolittle. But what a ninny, and a crazy one, she is. My grandmother, Etta, would have agreed with her on everything that mattered, but she had a much more mature and commanding aura. I think Etta could beat Palin, whether or not she was raised from the dead.
      Nice candidates, Repubs.

    • rmp says:

      Given that Palin may change her mind several times in the future, I can’t buy she wants to spend more time with her family. She said she was available to help any candidate in the coming election. Taking on the VP challenge considering the age and situation with her child, why would she care about him and the family now. Unfortunately, we are going to see and hear her way too much in the future. But as the Hag opines, she is a great candidate to split the Repugs up even more and give them no chance of winning.

      • cocktailhag says:

        An add that a baby with Down Syndrome, at this age is kind of like a normal baby, and the pathologies have yet to kick in. When she actually realizes the horror and mind-numbing complexity of dealing with an actual Down Syndrome child, she’ll feel differently, but no doubt lie about that, too. That’s the way Republicans roll. Count on funding for troubled children cut across the board. Palin 2012….. I’m all over this.

        • Karen M says:

          During the brouhaha over that story about Trig… I learned something I didn’t know before… that births of children with Down Syndrome are actually more common among younger women, since they are not screened for it, as older women are.

          And then there was that unbelievable story about getting on a plane in Texas after her water broke… already knowing that she was carrying a Downs baby, and then driving past a major Alaskan medical center in order to deliver in a smaller, more rural hospital with a friend of hers in attendance?

          Still doesn’t wash…

  4. dirigo says:

    She should swallow the ball, not pass it; or, better yet, find another orifice.

    • cocktailhag says:

      You win the “Ewww” award for that, Dirigo.

      • dirigo says:

        Thank you. I posted the same thing on Joan Walsh’s blog, albeit with a slight edit (that’s a family show I hear).

    • rmp says:

      Just for that you get to read her whole speech as punishment and tell us if you learn anything. It’s the holidays so you should have the time.

      Transcript: Palin’s Speech Resigning as Governor
      http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2009/07/03/palin_speech_transcript_resigning_as_governor_97300.html

      • dirigo says:

        Very nice.

        First, let me say her lugubrious invocation of the troops, including Gen. MacArthur, is insulting.

        What the fuck does she know about this sort of thing?

        Nothing.

        I repeat: she should think again about what to do with the ball. There is a proper placement issue here. If it fits, that’s where it should go.

        Second, I attended a dinner tonight, in Connecticut, where there are always Republicans, although not usually rabid ones (at least along the coast, near New York City). As we sipped our sangria and munched on our scallop/shrimp pasta and salad, I let slip that the late afternoon news revealed that Gov. Palin said she would resign.

        Upon that announcement, several people went agog, eyes bulging, nearly gagging on the pasta.

        As things settled down, one wag said simply: “I think they put her up last year to guarantee defeat because they didn’t want to deal with the financial mess that they created.”

        How true. How fucking true.

        Add to that: they also didn’t want to deal with the rest of the Iraq and Afghanistan adventures – WHICH THEY ALSO CREATED.

        • cocktailhag says:

          More of the same. “Aren’t things fucked?” Never mentioning how they got that way. The amnesia and dimwittedness of righty followers never ceases to amaze.

        • harpie says:

          ‘As things settled down, one wag said simply: “I think they put her up last year to guarantee defeat because they didn’t want to deal with the financial mess that they created.”’

          This is exactly what I said [for approximately the tenth time] to my family at the picnic yesterday…each time resulting in slack jawed gaping and then the kind of nods and smirks one reserves for those that should be consigned to some kind of institution.

          I believe that’s why they let McCain become the nominee, too.

          • cocktailhag says:

            Yes, it was something of a St Vitus’ dance, that whole election. Palin just paved the way for the teabaggers…. Say it out loud… We’re crazy and we’re proud.

  5. rmp says:

    Here’s another ball she shouldn’t have accepted and couldn’t find anywhere to pass it even though she lives by a huge lake, near the ocean where she can see Russia.

    Did a Scandal Sink the U.S.S. Palin?
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-07-03/did-a-scandal-sink-the-uss-palin/?cid=hp:mainpromo2

    • cocktailhag says:

      There’s definitely a back story going on, RMP; I’m waiting to comment until the CHNN investigative team gets on it. Maybe I’m overconfident, but I’m expecting dirt galore.

      • dirigo says:

        Perhaps we should recall CHNN’s temporarily permanent Italy correspondent, Harlan Harrington, and the CHNN flying boat (which would provide an obvious competitive edge when one considers the Palin’s seaplane, parked on Lake Lucille [or is it actually state property?] ).

        At the same time, Harlan just called the CHNN main foreign bureau in New Jersey, suggesting that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi might be prepared to assist the Alaska governor.

        Harlan has some very rough notes on this, indicating that Berlusconi might be willing to fly into Alaska some of his first-string female candidates for EU political positions, to consult with the Palin team on what’s next (if there is a what’s next).

        The bureau is working on a live uplink.

        This story, as they say on Drudge, is “developing …

  6. retzilian says:

    I have maintained an extremely uncharitable view of Palin since I first laid eyes on her last August. I had an immediate, visceral reaction to her, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because I instantly recognized her type: she is a textbook example of a maligant narcissist, and she has demonstrated textbook characteristics. At that, I am very relieved, because she has managed to predictably self-sabotage and will not, I predict, ever hold another major political office. Phew! Dodged that bullet.

    Here are a few observations nobody has yet mentioned in translating her resignation speech: she clumisly compares herself to the state of Alaska and how Seward was mocked for purchasing it (as she is being mocked), but that it resulted in a great decision. Her notion that her detractors will all be wrong is pretty funny, really. Her hubris is only exceeded by her ignorance.

    She’s really annoyed that she can’t fly her kids around on the state’s dime and charge the state per diem anymore for commuting to Wasilla. That’s the outrageous sense of entitlement coming out. She has no, absolutely NO shame.

    Then she mentions how expensive and time-consuming were her defense of accusations of ethics violations (which she falsely claims were unfounded and that she is vindicated), when she knows full well there are more looming on the horizon. The sad truth is she has been exposed for the vapid, phony prima donna she is, and that is the most painful thing of all for her. The greatest fear of any malignant narcissist is exposure — and what follows: ridicule.

    She has been made a laughing stock, and rightfully so. Her warped ego and myopic worldview cannot bear it.

    Finally, I observed from early on that she is a selfish, malicious and ruthless parent who threw her kids to the wolves without batting an eye. She has guaranteed years and untold revenue for a host of therapists that will be enlisted to fix her children, especially Bristol, whom she threw under the bus from day One.

    Yes, I hate her.

    • rmp says:

      Excellent evaluation. I would add that she has led a very sheltered life and thus has little life experience to draw upon except from those who share her limited views and experience. The VP campaign and media scrutiny is the first time she encountered serious opposition and challenge to her confidence. Like any bully, she masks her insecurities through overconfidence and bravado.

      Mike Allen shares my initial views on what she will do and why. He should have emphasized how much personal moola she stands to gain, so that she can hire a fleet of heliocopters to slaughter wild game and demonstrate her courage.

      Palin plans to stay visible
      http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0709/24501.html#ixzz0KEuAcGWY&C

    • cocktailhag says:

      You’re right, Retzilian; if anything, she makes Bush seem almost cuddly. If you remember “Singing in the Rain,” she’s Lina Lamont. “I make more money than… Calvin Coolidge. Put together!”
      It really is all about her. Worse, she was never anything more to Kristol and the boys as a last-ditch effort to make their lame candidate seem exciting, and yet she came away thinking she had some intrinsic value. Like any malignant narcissist would. I too feel sorry for her children. She’s incapable of the empathy and personal sacrifice motherhood requires.

    • Karen M says:

      And after throwing her kids to the wolves, she threw the wolves to bounty hunters in aircraft… at some pitiful price per paw.

  7. dirigo says:

    Just doing some casual, holiday reading, and came upon this:

    “Hamlet’s discontent with man is generic, though the incredulous smiles of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern seemed to imply that woman might please him better. To be specific, in his First Soliloquy, he has identified frailty with womanhood; and he keeps up a misogynistic barrage which hits its target in the Closet Scene. By holding up his dramatic mirror to Claudius, he has just exposed man’s depravity. Now, by setting up ‘a glass’ wherein Gertrude may behold ‘the inmost part’ of herself, he is exposing woman’s culpability. The locale is appropriate to the exposure, if the Queen’s closet serves as her dressing-room, where presumably she applies cosmetics. Therefore the looking-glass may have its literal place in the scene, while it symbolically links acting with painting as metaphors of hypocrisy. Artifice, as an aide to beauty, is a standard topic of anti-feminine satire. ‘God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another,’ Hamlet sneers incongruously during his one scene with Ophelia, having satirized the follies of dotage during his earlier scene with Polonius. A vignette of my lady in her chamber, painting an inch thick, is the culminating example of earthly vanity to which Hamlet juxtaposes the skull of Yorick.”

    … from “A Question of Hamlet – II. Doubt”
    … By Harry Levin, Compass/Viking, 1959

    Reviewing the plot of Hamlet in a nutshell, he suspects his uncle, Claudius, of killing his father, old King Hamlet. Claudius, assuming the Danish throne and succeeding his brother, marries Hamlet’s mother, Gertrude. Pissed, Hamlet feigns insanity in order to investigate what happened. Along the way, he behaves badly, abusing his love, Ophelia, eventually driving her crazy by telling her to go to a nunnery and killing her father, Polonius, in the Closet Scene. But he nails his mother there, as the above indicates, in her most private place, where she dresses and makes up. Or, she is simply exposed, unknowingly – as Sarah may have been yesterday.

    • cocktailhag says:

      That’s exactly what she is, Dirigo… artifice. From the beauty pageants to the six-figure wardrobe, everything she is is on the surface. What’s beneath is the scary part.

  8. Mona says:

    Not only that, but she misattributed that quote to MacArthur. Some Major General said it — least that’s what I red in — I think — NYT.

  9. Mona says:

    No, I think it was a Major Corporal, or something, with “Oliver” somewhere in his name. No time to Google cuz I’m off to son’s for 4th doings.

  10. heru-ur says:

    The woman has issues, this is certainly true. She will never be president, never fear on that account.

    However, she would be just as good a president as most in my lifetime. Bush II was just a front man for various forces (Darth Cheney for one); but his case was just the most obvious one. She would at least be entertaining while the real rulers ran the country; and we would know for sure that others really ran the country. (the truth will set you free)

    I would love to see a national lotto for the job. It would be exciting, fair, and produce better results than the present system. Plus the winner would have no obligations to anyone except lady luck. (another cocktailhag)

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’m sure that Lady Luck, if she’s still on this side of the grass, is a hag by now. But I beg to differ as to whether Palin could possibly be better than any president, even Bush. She’s too full of unfocused hatred, vendettas, and persecution complexes to even do a job of any sort for four whole years, as we’ve seen. She knows how to do only one thing; make an unseemly spectacle of herself. The lotto idea is interesting, and as you note, it would be the only way to prevent the candidate from being pre-bought.

    • dirigo says:

      She’ll become a media whore – with her “memoir,” speeches, and Fox News appearances – making a good retirement and security for her family, then running for president in a sort of noblesse oblige Alaska style mode – right in front of our eyes.

      From humble to high in less than three years.

      Sounds like a plan.

      • cocktailhag says:

        Only in America, Dirigo. For Republicans, having “experience” means just a lot of lies, conflicts of interest, and corporate welfare weighing you down. In three years, she’ll be and “elder statesman” like Ollie North or Gordon Liddy. But only to the magic 30%.
        For the rest, she’ll be old (and bad) news, with probably a few more offspring, natch, but they can’t vote yet.

        • dirigo says:

          Just picked up in the static that MoDo, the Manhattan harridan, is working up a scalding column on dear Sarah for the Sunday paper …

          • cocktailhag says:

            Ah, only two days behind CHNN, and I’m willing to bet, less funny. Maybe it will even be one of those weird things where she makes up a fake conversation, like she used to do with Hillary, that had a few laugh lines but you came away feeling dirty, like you just heard juicy gossip from the worst bitch on campus. The competition around here sucks.

  11. dirigo says:

    Headline posted on today’s Village Voice website:

    “Palin to Resign Governorship of Alaska, Expected to Focus on Complaining”

  12. rmp says:

    OT This is a great critique of WaPo’s media critic Howard Kurtz.

    Howard Kurtz’s wasted opportunity
    http://mediamatters.org/columns/200907020021

  13. retzilian says:

    My friend Darragh posted on my blog that it was Gen. Oliver P. Smith who said “We’re not retreating, we’re advancing in another direction.” MacArthur was the one who said “Americans never quit.”

  14. retzilian says:

    Karen M above asked about the crazy plane trip from Texas to Alaska. From my personal experience of having 4 babies, and knowing how they treat you when you are pregant over the age of 40, I can tell you that A) No OB in the country would let you fly at 35 weeks, nor would let you near an airplane if you were in labor or if you were leaking. B) No multipara mother would dream of risking flying 10 hours or any long trip in a vehicle, for that matter.

    There are three possible explanations, none of which are flattering: 1) that she wasn’t really pregnant and was covering for her daughter, Bristol’s first pregnancy; 2) that she secretly hoped to miscarry or deliver a stillborn baby, thus avoiding the inconvenience and heartache of raising a child with Downs Syndrome (the least likely scenario) or 3) that the story is fiction. Any one of those explanations would befit a narcissist like Sarah, but I think it’s most likely 3 – she made it up; although I would not be surprised to find out she faked the pregnancy.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I was in LA, listening to KTLK, when that story unfolded, and I thought it was 2 in your list. As usual, since we’re talking about Republicans, the truth remains elusive.