Birthday Boy

Today, when I wasn’t really planning to write anything, I got an invitation to a birthday house party by the Obama campaign.  My first thought was, “Wait a minute, these guys know it’s my birthday?  That NSA spying has gotten really out of hand….”  Unfortunately, the truth is even worse: I’m invited to a “house” party for Obama’s birthday?   Sadly, maybe the right is right about this cult of personality thing; I don’t care about this or any other President’s birthday, nor should any sane voter.  Worse, this little celebration comes on the heels of an especially egregious round of fiscal capitulation that nonetheless could still send the country into default, for which the President’s approval ratings among the sought-after “Independents” is plummeting as rapidly as it is within his own party.  So the President says, in this case quite literally, “Let them eat cake.”  And don’t forget your checkbook in lieu of gifts.  Gosh, what’ll I wear?



As someone who got his start as a community organizer, President Obama’s entire career has revolved around the idea that ordinary people working together can do extraordinary things.

Not that any of these things are desirable, or anything.

So I hope you can take part in marking his 50th birthday next week in the way he would appreciate most: with a solid showing of grassroots action in every corner of the country.

I think I have to wash my hair that night.

This Wednesday, August 3rd, campaign volunteers will get together for house meetings in all 50 states. We’ll plan local events, strategize about how to grow the campaign in our communities, and talk about how to spread the word about the President’s accomplishments to our friends and neighbors.

And those accomplishments would be?

Best of all, folks will also have the chance to join an exclusive live video conference with President Obama at their house meeting.

That ought to be productive; the President is so famous for his responsiveness to the grass roots.  Of the other party.  Maybe this invitation ought to be going to the teabaggers.

Can you attend a house meeting in Portland? Here are the details:

Ah, a chance to schmooze with Obamabots and criticize their decorating choices?  Maybe I can just throw on a turban or something.

What: House meeting for President Obama’s 50th birthday

Where: 232 NE 9th Ave
Portland, OR 97232

Well, that address, though relatively nearby, didn’t sound like a “house” to me, or if it was, not a nice one; the neighborhood is mostly bottlers, bakers, and other light industry and commercial.  The only residential component consists of a hooker motel or two.  Sure enough, a quick glance at google maps showed a dreary warehouse with dumpsters in front and a temporary-looking banner announcing that it was home of the Democratic Party of Oregon.  In other words, in a city of a half million that is about 70% Democratic, they literally couldn’t find one “house” for their “house party,” and yet proudly went ahead and emailed this lame thing anyway.
When: Wednesday, August 3rd
5:00 pm

RSVP now

Because the President is focused on the job we elected him to do, it’s up to us to take the lead in building this organization on the ground.

No, because the President is doing the exact opposite of what he was elected to do, his campaign can’t find a single soul to host a party.
That’s why house meetings and neighborhood teams are at the core of our strategy. By building this campaign at a local level and putting grassroots volunteers in charge, we’re able to reach voters the best way we know how: through folks they know, in their own communities.

Or, alternatively, serving them crappy cake in a crappy building in a crappy neighborhood, to celebrate the birthday (!) of a crappy President.  Maybe I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing that that “core strategy” will need to be revised.

And while there will be other chances to get involved as the campaign heats up, attending a meeting on Wednesday is the best way for you to help plan what the campaign will look like in your community in the coming weeks and months.

I see what it looks like, and it looks pretty danged pathetic, even without the dumpsters.

It’s also the only chance you’ll have to participate in this special video conference with the President.

Hmmm.  That could be actually tempting, but only if mooning is permitted.

RSVP here for the meeting in Portland:

I’ll get right on that.



Ah, we’re on a first name basis.  How empowering.

Mitch Stewart
Battleground States Director
Obama for America

A word of advice, Mitch, since we’re pals and all…..   You’ve got your work cut out for you.


  1. dirigo says:

    No sign of that sort of thing here in New York. Too many marriages going on, along with talk about Andrew in ’16.

  2. mikeinportc says:

    “Maybe I can just throw on a turban or something.”

    Might be even better at your next Tea Party meeting. ;)
    Were Mitch & Sara hatched from the same (giant-milkweed-looking) pod?

    “Andrew ’16″ ? A couple RWAs I know actually like Cuomo, because of his Christie-like approach. He might have a chance .

    • cocktailhag says:

      Actually, Mike, I met the lesser Cuomo once, in an elevator with my sister. He was charming and solicitous, mostly because in those days she was pretty hot, or that’s how I saw it. (Natch, he turned out to be a heel a bit later… Who’d have seen that coming?)
      He’s worse than Christie really, because of the same bait-and-switch factor that (appropriately) plagues Obama.

  3. retzilian says:

    Ahh, thanks for making me laugh out loud (and reading those Obama e-mails, which I always hastily delete with exclamation points), because it is so pathetic. I once gave some real money to that campaign, helped organize, got out the vote during the March holy-hell-freezing primary and general, blah blah. I don’t even want to talk about it. I may as well just have taken a match to a stack of 20s.

    I wish he had lost. I wish that senile ass McCain was prez and that batshiite crazy Palin was VP and the whole place was burning to the ground.

    Instead, 99% of thoughtful Obama supporters of yore are raising their eyebrows and saying, Surely You Jest at solicitations from the Obama campaign. Not. Another. Red. Cent.

    Meanwhile, back in Buyers Remorse, Ohio, the grass roots has bigger fish to fry. I did donate both time, money and signatures to the removal of Senate Bill 5, which, thanks to over 1 million signatures obtained by intrepid volunteers, will be on the ballot this fall.

    I have to focus on local issues this year, since we have a Fox News governor hell bent on destroying my state.

    Incidenally, I’m back after a long absence due to vacation I took sans internet (which I needed), a loss of my main computer (in the shop), a malfunction of a new computer (which I returned), and the catching up required, selectively, to the news.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I’m glad you’re back, Retz, and sassy as ever. I’ve thought the same thing about Obama…. would McCain have been that much worse?
      Hard to say.

  4. daphne says:

    May I ask when your birthday is, hag? Because my first grandchild is due any day now. I thought it would be a hoot were it to occur on O’s 50th but considering my granddaughter deserves better than that, it seems much more appropriate were it to coincide with yours.

    My son’s is the 18th. By then the baby wouldn’t fit through the birth canal, so I’m hoping yours is sooner than later.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, I don’t generally like to talk about my birthday too much, because I’m always afraid someone might do something extravagant, (Furriers nationwide are standing by…)
      I was born on August 5, 1964, partially in a speeding Oldsmobile Cutlass and the rest of the way at Emanuel Hospital here in Portland.
      Under no circumstances should anyone allow this baby to be born on the 3rd. Full stop.

      • daphne says:

        I’ll see what I can do to honor you. The due date is a bit later but not by much.

        Bet you’ve been told about that frantic car ride so often you can visualize it as an actual memory.

        • cocktailhag says:

          Yeah, I remember that my dad was really pissed because he was trying to sell the car, which had bucket seats and was no family car, and the interior got a little messed up….. It was one of many strange cars we had because he was a criminal lawyer, and sometimes took cars for fees.

  5. The Heel says:

    Read the NYTimes comments of Krugman and Douthat (I know, I know…)


    Next time I get a call from some poor Obama Apparatchik, I will ask him for a mailing address to where I can send the Vaseline jar…

    • cocktailhag says:

      I haven’t read the Douthat one, since I’m afraid I’m up against my 20 article free content limit, and if I wasted it on that ignorant fatso I’d be sorely chagrined. Krugman’s right, though. We’re fucked.

  6. retzilian says:

    Considering the size and comfort of a 64 Olds Cutlass, you could have done a lot worse.

    And a Leo, to boot. A good sign, the Sun is your star.