Bobbitting The Dick and His Smile

I have never forgotten that moment when I heard in 1993 that Lorena Bobbit hit that final straw moment with her drunken, abusive husband John Wayne and severed his penis and found the most creative way ever to say, “I’ve had it and won’t take it any more!”

She was so amazed at what she had done while John Wayne was sleeping off his drunk that she only realized her act while driving her car with one hand and holding the penis in the other and needed two hands to turn the wheel to get around a corner, so naturally she threw it out the window. To this day, she told Oprah this week, she doesn’t remember any part of her deed nor where she was when she got rid of that thing that belonged to that man who used it as a torture tool. The fire department had to find it, rush it to the hospital and the doc’s successfully sewed it back on.

Lorena was taken into custody and charged with malicious wounding. Her trial played out for weeks on television. Lorena’s defense team argued temporary insanity and claimed she was the victim of long-term physical and emotional abuse. “In her mind, it was his penis from which she could not escape which caused her the most pain. The most fear. The most humiliation.”

I have Lorena’s problem with The Dick’s smile. I’m sick and tired of it and want it to just go away! That smile was supposed to leave my TV when Obama turned on the lights at the White House. It didn’t. I think the M$M can’t kick the habit because those star “journalists” are suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome. I can’t think of any other justifiable excuse for giving that Dick smile any more air time.

For the years 2000-2008, my wife and I stopped watching any presidential TV reports for fear that The Dick’s smile or Dubya’s might break out and fill us with Bobbit-like rage. We know that life isn’t always fair. However, that The Dick’s sick smile still is stalking us in 2009 just isn’t fair. At least junior’s is safely home in Texas. It has started on the speaking circuit, but as long as it doesn’t make the “news” like The Dick’s does, I won’t mind too much.

Most serial killers went undiscovered for far too long because they looked and acted just like us and had beautiful smiles. Often even their parents didn’t know the terrible anger and horror in their minds behind those smiles. Terrible to us, normal to them. Well that Dick smile told us a serial killer lurked beneath. You instantly knew not to trust that Dick when it was crystal clear the fear and danger behind that ever present deadly smirk?

While it isn’t true for all American voters, actually the majority because there are more women and gay voters than heterosexual men, smiles aren’t nearly as easy to cut out of my mind as dicks. Whatever your thoughts on dicks, The Dick was honest, extremely rare for him, when he gave us that smile. Those of us who can read human emotion through facial expressions, knew what it represented. We have absolutely no excuse whatsoever for allowing The Dick and his smile to rule and ruin the world.

I hate to confess this, but The Dick and I were born in the same year, 1941. We are similar in other ways. He was raised in Nebraska and Wyoming and I was raised in Montana and North Dakota, so our rural cultures were not that different. Something happened in our formative early years that put us on two very separate paths. He learned to love killing, just asked those caged- for-life birds who experience three seconds of freedom before being blasted out of life by smiling killer Dick Cheney. I remember killing a mature, free robin perched on a telephone line with my Lone Ranger BB gun and swearing never again to hurt another living thing as I watched it screaming for life writhing in the alley and had to put it out of its misery. He must have had a Dick moment, a huge erection, watching a doe writhing in agony before he blew her brains out.

While I could never hunt after my killing experience I understand why my farming grandpa first needed to hunt for food and also found pleasure in stalking and killing wild game amidst the beauty of nature. He had to kill his favorite swine or Bessy the cow to live through harsh winters. Killing was part of the cycle of life. My grandpa was a gentle soul and never succumbed to any meanness including telling my grandma to shut up and stop gossiping with my mom about the neighbors. I don’t know what The Dick’s grandpa taught him.

Somehow The Dick, who is a coward at heart, five deferments to escape the Vietnam War, learned different life lessons than me and is able to bury his conscience, never flinching at the death and destruction he has personally caused. Never telling torturers that 165 waterboardings was enough.

Serial killers probably don’t have a conscience and you would think that The Dick certainly couldn’t live with himself, if he has one. I think he does…have one. I say that because he showed some compassion and understanding when he learned his youngest daughter Mary was a lesbian. He didn’t abandon her even though he feared the political consequences of his homophobic followers. He faced his homophobic fears, yet can’t do the same when it comes to killing, even the slow death of killing through torture. The mystery to me is how The Dick can use killing to ease his mind and ooze out that smile?

What relentlessly drives the man behind that evil smile and mind, is fear that he isn’t man enough. Fear that if this bully really had to put up or shut up, he would run like he did during Vietnam. Fear that drove him to seek those five deferments.

The Dick is an abuser. He is scared to death that he might discover how lonely and frightened he is. The tougher and more mean he acts, the more his inner fear consumes him. His latest fear is to have this house of cards he has built about his consummate political and governing skills (define that as running the empire with a puppet emperor) come crashing down because he broke national and international law and there is a growing possibility that our two-tiered justice system might get cracked and he could fall through it so that other frightened political and media ghouls won’t.

I’m not ashamed to admit that his smile scares me. The Dick is currently spending his time writing a political memoir to hide his fears and weave his lies and psychological myths. His smile probably oozed out less while he watched that black youngster Obama rise from an obscure state senator to president by raising the hope of voters to stop the killing and improve the lives of middle and underclass America. He saw a pragmatic, highly skilled politician who he hoped had succumbed to the Beltway disease that has consumed almost all our congress critters.

Then this damn president releases those memos. He was sure all his CIA ghouls had frightened and seduced the president sufficiently so that the released memos would be mostly black when released just like the president. Now The Dick’s raging fear is consuming him so much so that he had to send his elder daughter Liz to kill anyone who could possibly believe that his sole motivation was only to save America from the terrorists. Three thousand Americans died so it was only right that hundreds of thousands, millions even, die to right this undeniable injustice.

I hope that my gut is right and that I will one day see this Dick smile behind bars and that will make me break out into the biggest smile I have ever had. If I had the chance to personally Bobbit that Dick, my smile would probably break my jaw.


  1. heru-ur says:

    Good post.

    I would say that Dick Chaney was perhaps the worst man to ever be Vice President of the United States. There may have been a worse one, but I can not think of him off the top of my head if there was.

    However, the present man occupying that that office is almost as bad for, perhaps, different reasons.

    Dick Chaney gave voice to the CIA and the horrible men and women there who are convinced that they are above all law, morals, or rules due to the fact that they “protect” our way of life. They believe that they can do no wrong as long as they are “making the world safe for America”.

    When you see the Chaney smirk, you see the smirk of the self satisfied “warrior” who thinks he is a god on this earth.

    • rmp says:

      While I have some Serious foreign policy problems with Biden, I can’t let you put him anywhere near The Dick. That prick is in a class by himself. The Dick’s probably a psychopath. Good ole Joe is a decent human who has let the Serious foreign affairs “experts” fill his head with too much nonsense. That’s why Hillary got the Sec. State job and he didn’t. His everyman skills are perfect for the VP job.

  2. heru-ur says:

    He has been a “drug warrior” for decades. That puts him in a special class of horrible in my book. As bad as Chaney? In many ways not — but in some ways yes.

    You see rmp, once a man becomes evil it is hard to compare him against other evils. Especially when one gets interested in foreign policy over domestic policy. (or whatever)

    I have seen men go off to prison when they had done nothing wrong: had hurt no one. They had to live in a cage while friends and family viewed them as evil criminals. I would rather be killed by a bomb and get it over.

    • rmp says:

      You’re making it hard on me to defend my position. Biden has been very influential on bringing through the Stimulus Bill 50,000 more cops to US streets. And he believes strongly in the Drug War. I still don’t see him as evil, just ignorant. I hope Jim Webb gets to him and wises him up. Webb is going to succeed at our country taking a hard look at our sick penal system. It’s good that there is so much on Obama’s and congress’s plate so that Webb can wind his way through the web of the congress critters and put together a new, more humane system.

      Since you are so passionate on this, you should see if there is someway you can help Webb and all our prisoners.

  3. Jim Montague says:

    OT – But hats off, and R.I.P. to a great Cocktailhag. Bea Arthur passes at age 86.

    • rmp says:

      Not OT on Hag’s blog. She certainly was one of the best.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Maude is dead? That’s horrid. I’ll definitely have to put up a RIP post under Cocktailhag News.
      Great post, RMP. I do think you’re onto something. Sending the daughter(s) out to fight his battles is just icing on the five layer cake of deferments. I do think that people who have a need to dominate others do so out of self-hate. They know they can’t earn love and respect honestly, so they’ll settle for fear, and at least people will conceal their contempt.
      PS… Having a great time in NY. My whole “second family” is here, my best friend Rebecca from LA, her mother and son, and her father from Connecticut. (I’m working on her brother’s house) I took my 3 year old “nephew” on the subway today, from Union square to Brooklyn, and we had a great time. He was a total trouper, even though the system is quite daunting for someone that size, and he’s so excited to have his own MetroCard, which he swiped better than adult tourists.
      Traffic is higher than ever, (sayeth the Google analytics addict…) and I’ll of course keep you posted, RMP.

  4. bystander says:

    Wouldn’t it be just like the dick Dick to hide behind his daughter’s skirts… and, his wife Lynne’s. Lynne, I understand, is even a scary dick than Dick.

    She has a reputation for things like this:

    At the first meeting, one Republican woman on the commission said that the overwhelming threat was from China. Sooner or later the U.S. would end up in a military showdown with the Chinese Communists. There was no avoiding it, and we would only make ourselves weaker by waiting. No one else spoke up in support.

    The same thing happened at the second meeting — discussion from other commissioners about terrorism, nuclear proliferation, anarchy of failed states, etc, and then this one woman warning about the looming Chinese menace. And the third meeting too. Perhaps more.

    Finally, in frustration, this woman left the commission.

    That woman was Lynne Cheney. I suspect Lynne is one of the few women who could Bobbit Dick’s dick. If I were Dick Cheney I might fear Lynne more than I feared the Hague.

    • rmp says:

      Ouch! Lynne must have a lot of military-industrial-complex stock in those companies creating the next generation of weapons. I’m sure she has invested in the builders of carriers because the Navy is pushing another totally unnecessary carrier based mostly on the imaginary Chinese threat.

      Imagine the bed talk each night and the frenzied sex after The Dick told Lynne about that day’s torturing. No wonder they waterboarded one detainee 186 times. I don’t think either Dick or Lynne invested in any Viagra stock. It’s a wonder his heart didn’t go out again. Maybe that’s why they had to replace his defibrillator.

      • cocktailhag says:

        You’re so cute when you’re wicked, RMP…. But envisioning torture fueled sex between Lynne and Dick is maybe a bit vomit-y, even for an iron-stomached hag like myself. They are a match made in heaven, though. Both fascists, dominators and freaks. And those daughters! (I about fell off a scaffold laughing one day when Ed Schultz read a more than usually disgusting smear from Mary’s “book,” and said, “That apple landed right next to the tree.” No wonder they’re such a close family; everyone else kind of hates them. I have an aunt and uncle just like them, but their kids are all normal and avoid them like the plague.

        • rmp says:

          When thinking about The Dicks, and I’ve done way to much of that today, it is not possible to go too far or be too gross. Sorry about the vomit-y problem. I have that problem every time I see that oozing evil smile and writing about it is not exactly cathartic, but it seems to somehow help. Can’t explain why. Maybe even too complex for a Hag. I missed the book reading. Not going to try and find the video. I’m sure you understand why.

          • cocktailhag says:

            Well, I’m happy to tell you that Mary’s book landed with a thud in Powell’s remainder bin at about day eight. They now have copies that are about five bucks, and still continue not to sell. Don’t worry about the vomit part; vomiting is just a healthy evacuation of the poison, which spares the body from dire insult. As you’ve noticed, I never hesitate to use the stomach-churning to make a point, and neither should you. My point was the grossness of the idea of D and L in flagrante delicto, which ain’t so delicto for the rest of us. As usual, I exaggerate for emphasis. It’s a great rhetorical tool.

      • dirigo says:

        Frenzied sex between Dick and Lynne?

        Oh please. That’s too much for my tender imagination to handle.

        • Karen M says:

          I doubt that even happens… think of his heart!

          • rmp says:

            Karen, he apparently has a pump that pushes blood through his body, but don’t you think you are exaggerating when you talk about having a heart? I don’t know if anyone in the family has one. If they do, it must be extremely dark. You need a pump to have success. Don’t think any heart is required if everything is just physical. Love also seems likely not to exist.

  5. dirigo says:

    Here’s a good one.

    In a piece by one Marlene Phillips, posted on HuffPo, she says Cheney had his home removed from Google Earth.

    What a guy. A man in full.

  6. Steven Rockford says:

    Great post RMP. I have to admit, I too have always found Dick Cheney’s sardonic smile to be unnerving. I know there’s an evil hidden agenda behind that smile, but am never certain as to what it is. I hope it all comes out on the witness stand.

    • rmp says:

      His agenda is to feed his egomanaical mind with any means necessary to keep from useing any human emotion other than anger. His mind needs to believe that he is far superior to any other living human including the just past and present POTUS.

  7. Meremark says:

    I suspect it is grotesquely more awful than our imaginations, or deprecations here, could allow thought of. Hag may be twisted, affectionately, (with or without curlers in place), yet that can’t be a shadow of, or hold a candle ‘burning hair on fire’ to, the hellfire in molten-metal Dickbrains. ‘Perverse’ ain’t a word perverse enough to describe it. Sociopath and psychopath are overused — the shock is gone, in the first place, but also mainly inadequate. The sadism and ghoul is beyond even those derangments.

    There is a credible report (at Wayne Madsen Report .COM), which I put a copy of in an earlier thread here, I think, that details the installation of live streaming video of tortures at Gitmo or any black site worldwide, going to a monitor in the closet adjacent to Dick’s desk room. Junior the Jerk occasionally dropped by to watch. The only news ever heard of the equipment was when Dick set the closet on fire to destroy the incriminating ungodly thing, and the fire department reported being called.

    As for his fate (horoscoping 1/30/1941), he dies indecent. If (when, actually) he is reeled in, and interrogation begins where he can lead the investigative way to indict higher ups whom he obeys, they press the remote-control coronary button marked ‘DeadDick’ and what we’d like to know goes silent in his grave inside his maniacal medulla. He knows that. He only is alive as long as he gets away. The first subpoena order served on him is his last day on Earth.

    Something I don’t understand is why anyone joins the Bush gang as a career move. It is worse than the fact (shown in all cases) that no one lives to tell about it. Those barbarians flat-out dispose of team members, preemptively, unconcerned as if tossing a snotted-on tissue. Capo’s Rockefeller, Kissinger, Bush Sinister — and mother of all witchhags, Babs (83, youngest), wave a finger figuratively, stab a back literally. Subpoena them first, and legions shall live. Why in the name of deathwish would they work there in the first place?

    Any day the knives decide to bobbit Dick, the resulting stump is at shoulder height.

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