Cocktailhags Gone Bad

Turns out, once again, that inheriting billions isn’t the best thing for either a gal’s character, or her looks……


The daughter of Walmart founder Sam Walton spent the final hours of her birthday in jail Friday night after being arrested for drunk driving.

Right now, I’m so proud of myself not only for sticking to mass transit, but also being a self-made cocktailhag.  Of course, while I couldn’t get them to leave my age out of the paper like they did for her , a picture is worth a thousand birthdates.

Texas Highway Patrol Senior Trooper Gary Rozzell told The Weatherford Democrat that Trooper Jeff Davis stopped Alice Walton on Interstate 20 in a construction zone for a traffic violation.

“Through an investigation at the scene, [Walton] was determined to be intoxicated during a field sobriety test,” Rozzell explained. “We’re going to treat this like anybody else.”

Which, they sort of did, considering.

First?  Later we find out, unsurprisingly, not really.  Things are different when your job title is “heiress.”

The paper noted that Walton’s mug shot had been omitted from the Parker County Jail website until the Parker County Sheriff’s Office was contacted.

Hopefully, WalMart was spending millions on photoshopping during the delay.

“There’s no conspiracy,” Parker County Sheriff Larry Fowler said.

A spokesman for the family said that Walton took “full responsibility” for her actions.

“Ms. Walton was pulled over by a patrolman with the Department of Public Safety for driving 71 mph in an unattended 55 mph construction zone,” a statement read. “She was returning home from a birthday dinner with friends at a Fort Worth restaurant. She accepts full responsibility for this unfortunate incident and deeply regrets it.”

Although the Texas Highway Patrol charged her with a first offense, records from the Springdale District Court in Arkansas indicate that she was also convicted of driving under the influence in 1998.

According to UK’s The Independent, she had hit a gas meter and tried to intimidate the arresting officer in that case.

“I’m Alice Walton, bitch!” the billionaire allegedly screamed.

Ah, it’s nice that there’s a British media to monitor the excesses of our ruling classes, otherwise we’d miss priceless little quotes like that.

She later blew a 0.16 blood-alcohol level at the hospital. The case was settled with a $925 fine.

That’ll show her.  Tort reform at work, I tell ya.

In another incident, no charges were filed after Walton killed a 50-year-old mother of two with her Porsche. It’s not clear if alcohol was a factor in that case.

She’s a regular Daisy Buchanan, isn’t she?  Well, except for her looks, anyway.

Forbes lists Walton as the ninth richest person in the U.S. and the third richest woman in the world. She has an estimated wealth of $21 billion.

And look what it got her.  Taking away these people’s money would be the best thing that ever happened to them, but I think it’s a little late for Alice.


  1. dirigo says:

    You’re goin’ to the moon, Alice. Bang! Zoom!

  2. mikeinportc says:

    Anonymous says:

    ^ Apparently, now Wals-Mart owns my naming rights. :(

  3. michlib says:

    Looks like she got her plastic surgery done at Walmart. Hope they gave her the family discount.