Eating Worms

Nobody likes me; everybody hates me.
I think I’ll go out and eat some worms.

That little childhood ditty rings in my ears as I read about how Republicans are fighting the apocalyptic battle they have set up this fall’s elections to be; through whining, cheating, and dirty tricks, and doing other disgusting things that may or may not include munching on slippery garden invertebrates.   Scott Walker is just one example among so many I could write a post stretching to Greenwaldian magnitude about it.  Like all Republicans, Walker responds to criticism not by mitigation or even by reflexive self-defense, but by doubling down and then doing something even less popular, just to show everyone who’s boss.  His brief, disastrous tenure has not only failed to “repair” Wisconsin’s budget, but has unleashed a fearsome divide in the state, and saturated it with deceptive advertising from his corporate masters in a never-ending battle between good governance and a bunch of crackpot right-wing pipe dreams.

As though it weren’t enough to demonize public employees and shut down public access to the capital, losing two senate seats in the process, he then proudly announced that any money Wisconsin received from the bank  settlement would go not to homeowners as intended, but simply be dumped into the maw of his own budget deficits.  When faced with recall petitions of nearly twice the required number, he made the laughable claim that he would need weeks, if not months, to “verify” them, mischievously gaming the system to milk his backers for more secret contributions to fight to keep his job.  The fact that nearly all his closest aides have been arrested, discredited, or offered plea bargains mattered not a whit to the Badger State weasel, but fortunately a judge saw it differently and ordered him to proceed with the recall forthwith.

Not to be outdone in the worm-eating contest, Virginia Republicans passed a bill requiring women who seek to obtain an abortion to undergo a vaginal ultrasound, whether they like it or not, then contemplate their harlotry for ten days before undergoing the LEGAL procedure.  In response to not unexpected criticism, one of them sneered that the little sluts were obviously getting things shoved up there anyway, so they have no right to complain.  Opposition to abortion, though, barely qualifies anymore in the anti-sex jihad unleashed by the right; now it’s birth control they’re after, led by a bunch of scandal-plagued asexuals who claim to speak for Catholics.  Rather than soft-pedaling an absurd fatwa their adherents have long  ignored, these old men in frocks and funny hats upped the ante by telling married Catholics that they, too should use abstinence unless they want to poop out babies every nine months until maternal death or poverty, whichever comes first.

Once that can of worms was opened, the real feeding frenzy began.  Santorum’s billionaire puppet master, Foster Friess, declared that aspirin was the best form of birth control, to be used “between the knees,” a comment so assertively offensive that when that ol’ cocktailhag Andrea Mitchell heard it, she nearly suffered a facelift collapse. Although both he and Santorum were forced to lie a bit to get out of what they both called, with deliberate obtuseness, “a joke,” Santorum quickly turned the whole affair into a Palinesque attack on the Liberal Media.  For priggish panty-sniffers like Rick and the knuckle-draggers who love him, a good offense is always the best defense.

Belligerence for its own sake has become the one thing that ties together the increasingly fractious right; it’s no longer important who wins, as long as the right oxes are being gored and fake outrage is kept at a fever pitch.  Nixon liked to say that it would have been “easy to do the popular thing,” but he’d done the opposite because, well, just because.  Karl Rove, who cut his political teeth working on Nixon’s infamous 1972 reelection, employed this strategy on every issue from tax cuts to wars; pissing off liberals was always more important than anything so chickenhearted and vacillating as, say, not running the country into the ground.  Dick Cheney famously sneered that any President who left office with high approval ratings could be judged a failure, which is certainly the one measure by which he could be called a great success.

Republicans aren’t much at governing, but boy howdy do they like to be hated, and to eat worms.




  1. michlib says:

    I consider it a blessing to watch the rabid dog Republitards chasing their tail to exhaustion, and hopefully extinction thereafter. To curry the favor of the wacked tea party base, no limb is too thin, no platform too extreme, no lie unworthy of uttering.
    There was a party called the Whigs; the Know-nothings, the Bull-Moose. I say kick ‘em to the curb, abolish the unrepresentative senate, and go to proportional representation – like the ADVANCED democracies started doing in oh, about 1870.

  2. avelna says:

    And Cheney finds himself on the wrong side of one of their pet issues – gay marriage – because, it turns out, he’s related to someone with teh dreaded gay. And he’s cheerleading for it in Maryland. Oh the cognitive dissonance that must cause in his poor Darth Vader brain.

    • cocktailhag says:

      The list is long of righties who abandoned a cherished ideal when it ran up against their personal interest. Cheney’s newfound activism is par for the course.

  3. Ché Pasa says:

    Worm-eaters is the perfect analogy for that crew. Scott Walker is the personification, and he really seems to relish it. Well, as long as the Koch coffers are open, what does he care? What do any of them care? They’ve got them some sugar daddies, don’t they? Wingnut welfare no matter how elections go.

    As for Santorum, he’s turning into quite a little character study. Batshit insane he is, but all his media followers coo: “Isn’t he amusing, though? He hasn’t a chance of course, but oh my! Doesn’t he say the silliest things!”

    I’d hesitate to call this the swan song of the Rs though. They’ve come back from the dead more times than Dracula.

  4. cocktailhag says:

    I’m sure Walker’s worms are of the highest quality, and probably endangered, too, just to make them that much more tasty. Seems one of the Koch’s drunkenly gave the game away at a dinner in Florida over the weekend, sending his minions furiously backtracking. He admitted, out loud, that Walker was his boy (you know, they’re supposed to be “independent”), and he also said he was in a battle to the death
    with ALL unions. True, but not smart.
    As for Santorum, the fact that he hasn’t been struck by lightning yet proves there is no God.
    Yes, they’re down, but not out.

    • Ché Pasa says:

      You know, these people (Kochs, et al, and their worm-eaters) aren’t all that bright, are they?

      The South shall RISE again! (Note to shade of Lincoln: ever have any second thoughts about letting those crackers go?)

      Maybe there’ll be an opening for Barbour yet… compared to the current crew, why he’s almost a gentleman and a scholar.

      • cocktailhag says:

        That could be the secret plan; little else makes sense. Why not Jim (Waterloo) DeMint? He’s more telegenic, and all.

        • Ché Pasa says:

          My bet’s on Barbour; he knows where all the bodies are buried.

          DeMint is just another pretty face…

          OH! Oh! You’re right! DeMint gets the Presidential nod, Barbour for VP running things behind the throne; it worked so well before!