Sore Losers

Although we all know you can’t spell Politico without POO, the story about Paul Ryan referring to Romney as “Stench” and Boston calling Ryan “Gilligan” certainly has the benefit of plausibility; after all, even children understand that there’s no honor among thieves, and certainly no loyalty.  Like Palin before him, Ryan was hurriedly trotted out to shore up a disillusioned base for a disappointing nominee, and mistook what amounted to a disastrous error as some sort of divine anointment.  The conservative punditocracy naturally swooned, as it is wont to do, and both Palin and Ryan let all the undeserved adulation go straight to their heads, as would any other overrated narcissist suddenly plucked from richly earned obscurity.

Now, it seems, the buyer’s remorse has set in.  Ever since Reagan, Republicans have searched for the perfect candidate not amongst those who might have been actually capable of serving as President, but merely one who could convincingly play one on TV while their funders emptied the national cash drawer.  The results have been predictably calamitous (see Bush, George W), leaving the party with the stench, if you will, of craven and opportunistic corruption imperfectly drowned out with the loud and fervent thumping of chests and bibles in roughly equal measure.

Sadly, in the case of both McCain and Romney, the lead actors weren’t exactly Oscar material, so they belatedly cast about for a sidekick who might steal the show and rescue it from inevitably going straight to video.  Sadder still, they chose toxic and self-serving grifters utterly incapable of team play, and thus wound up looking as stupid as they already were otherwise unappealing.  Worst of all, said grifters almost immediately reverted to form; backstabbing, second-guessing, and whining all the way; and while the top of the ticket was left twisting slowly in the wind, they were busily negotiating behind the scenes for the Fox hairdressers, makeup artists, and lighting technicians who would make them as ravishing as they so clearly thought they were.

In the topsy-turvy world of Republican politics, failure has but one trajectory: upward; and those  too addlepated or egotistical (and McCain and Romney are, for all their apparent differences, both), simply failed to see that they weren’t choosing a running mate as much as they were creating  the next eager and permanent recipient of wingnut welfare.  McCain, with his wealthy wife, safe Senate seat, and an indeterminate number of homes, and Romney with his car elevator and Cayman Islands bank accounts, simply failed to grasp that their chosen VP’s only climbed on board in search their next meal ticket.

As their campaigns increasingly resemble the last flight of the space shuttle Challenger, the gasbags of the right have resorted to airily dismissing catastrophic poll numbers as further evidence of a biased media bent on their destruction, even as their billionaire puppet masters switch their loyalties and dollars to down-ballot races that might have some chance of success, engaging in just the sort of “redistribution” they endlessly decry in every deceptive ad with which they assault a weary electorate. (With decreasing effectiveness, I might add…).

But just as Republicans are graceless and gloating in victory, they are whiny and blame-shifting in defeat; both unlovable traits to be sure, but entirely pragmatic, given the comparative life expectancy of a term in office versus a guest slot on Fox.  In that sense, calling a loathsome one-hit wonder like Ryan “Gilligan” may be something of a compliment; look how long that show lasted in syndication.





  1. Annice says:

    Both Gilligan and the Munsters which Ryan can fit in character on either show lasted a long time… Personally I see him as Eddie!

      • cocktailhag says:

        My mother once said to me (not for nothing), “Did you open the window and a smell came in, or did you open the window to let a smell out?”
        I refused to comment while the investigation was ongoing.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I would have responded sooner, but I had to run to the the
      ladies room because I’d wet myself slightly. My favorite was the Gilligan’s Island one, but it was a close call.
      I saw the Romnesia article earlier, and enjoyed it greatly. Why is it that the flat out obvious is usually unmentionable? Really, Willard, you inherited nothing? (Bugs Bunny voice) The noive.

    • avelna says:

      Stupendous! Photos for the ages!

      And let’s not forget that Romney himself told us all that he is in the ranks of the unemployed. Oh boo-hoo sob.

    • RUKidding says:

      Good article.

      My comments to the photos (which are teh funnneee):

      1. The 2 Dumb & Dumber guys (as portrayed by Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels) were actually truly NICE guys, who happened to be quite stupid but kindly & helpful. Not so much RMoney & R-Ayn.

      2. Ditto pretty much for Gilligan. A rather nice, but rather ineffectual, guy, who could be funny & tried to be truly helpful. Not so much R-Ayn.

      3. The Eddie Munster with Ayn Rand dollie is quite good. Ayn Rand as a fetish doll is really all she’s worthy of.

  2. RUKidding says:

    There certainly are parallels between the choice of buffoonish Grifterella Palin, and mean-nasty but looking-for-the-BigGrift Ryan.

    Palin liked to play-act that she’s soooooooo “concerned” about the plights of “little people,” and pretend that she’s really “in their corner.” Of course, it was all a ruse for Palin to jump onto the wingnut welfare gravy train, whilst also getting her overly narcissistic ego stroked big-time. Mostly it’s worked out well for Palin in the long run. It appears that, now, the conservative PTB are even willing to PAY Palin to STFU. So she’s NOT invited to the Bigs anymore, but she still gets that schweet schweet payola for not attending. SCHWEET.

    R-Ayn may, in a way, be somewhat more honest, bc frankly I haven’t seen him even pretending to give a shit about anyone but himself and his corporate pay-masters, whose collective butts have R-yan’s tongue inserted. He trotted out to the AARP (another CON, if there ever was one, but AARP does, at this time, do some meaningful work in terms of informing Seniors more accurately about what’s happening with Soc Sec & Medicare) to inform Granny that, in effect, he was now in process of effecting Palin’s death panels, so hurry up and die, you blights on my horizon! No more Soc Sec & Medicare for you lousy lazy slacker waste-of-oxygen 47%ers!!!

    Hey: it was pretty truthful, after all. Not. A. Nice. Guy. But perhaps more honest, in his own nasty way than Tundra Trash, who the dog only knows, is still worshipped with some dwindling fervor by my rightwing fundie family members. At this point, I still haven’t heard the lavish slavering devotion to R-Ayn that I heard about the Snowbilly Queen in 2008. So, there is that, fwiw.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Maybe if they got Ryan a $400,000 wardrobe, that might help? Doubt it, though; like Romney, he just oozes contempt for the masses, and no amount of Fox brainwashing can fix that.

      • RUKidding says:

        Much as I despise Palin, I have to give her this much: within the realm of the “faithful,” Palin did exude a type of sympathetic persona. For those outside the circle of conned religious folks, it may have been difficult to understand Palin’s “appeal.”

        Due to my family upbringing and knowing how they so love being conned & grifted by “types” like Palin, I could immediately see her appeal to them, disgusting as it was & is.

        Ryan, otoh, has less than ZERO of that type of “appeal” that Palin has/had. On at least one level, Ryan is actually a more disasterous choice for Veep than Palin, as astonishing as that might seem… at least for the Christiany “base.”

        It’s interesting to witness in a train wreck kind of way.

        • avelna says:

          Catholic Church/Ayn Rand Ayn Rand/Catholic Church

          Oh dear. How to choose, how to choose.

          • cocktailhag says:

            I was raised Catholic (although I stopped believing any of it about the time I stopped believing in Santa Claus), and what I find so offensive is that Catholics and Ayn Rand are now no longer in conflict. Back in the ’70′s, they were; the priests at our church (St. Mary Magdalene… I’m not making this up) were much more concerned about war, poverty, and, well, the teachings of Jesus.
            Now, they’re just an adjunct of the Republican party, like the other Jesus freaks.