The Fix Is In

In about the least surprising development one could possibly imagine, cardboard cutout Mitt Romney “won” Florida, or more accurately, “bought” Florida.  Turns out that fetid swampland is more expensive than you’d think; Romney’s completely unrelated and totally coincidental Super PAC ponied up the cash for 13,000 television ads to battle Newt’s, uh, 200.  96% percent of these ads were negative, which leaves me wondering what the other 4% were: clips of Romney reciting patriotic lyrics?  Naturally, 98% of Romney’s, uh, his PAC’s $30 million raised last year came from donors contributing  more than $25,000,  Again, who were the other 2%: guys who could only spare $20,000 this time because the trophy wife’s got a lawyer?

In all, this elaborate sideshow we still call an election isn’t an election at all; it’s an auction, and the cheapness of the bids ought to offend us all.  Lobbyists and Hedge Fund managers at least coughed up bribes, er, bids of at least a million, since that’s what they spend on, say, shirt laundry, but when you get to the banksters, America looks like a four dollar tart.  Really, Goldman Sachs, you’re only coughing up $496,430 to save America from European-style socialism?  Couldn’t you have at least rounded it up?  And JPMorgan Chase only stuffed $317,400 into Mitt’s magic underwear, undoubtedly in crumpled singles.  That’s about what they make on fraudulent overdraft charges in about eight minutes; and yet that’s all they have to spare to oust that commie who once called them (oooh…) fat cats?  Why do they think buying a President is so cheap?

The wrinkle in this, which I don’t think the activist judges on the Supreme Court thought through as they planned to fulfill Karl Rove’s “Permanent Republican Majority” dream with their errant Citizens United decision, is obvious.  Republican voter totals in Florida were down from 2008, in the double digits.  Could that be the result of a merciless barrage of annoying, repetitive, and sneaky commercials, 13,000 of them?  Before the money tide rolled in, Republicans across the country were much more enthusiastic about voting than understandably dispirited Democrats.  After being doused for weeks in plutocrat-funded sewage, many must have decided they needed to shower on election day.

More interestingly, the attacks were directed at someone most everyone despises, Newt Gingrich.  Thus, though the ad onslaught must certainly have been annoying, it wouldn’t have beeen offensive to most people, particularly those elusive “Independents” needed in the general election.  It will be a little different when the gold-plated fire hoses are aimed at President Obama, who maintains high personal approval, even though both right and left agree he’s been a big disappointment.  Thinking people know Obama isn’t a European socialist intent on destroying capitalism, quite the opposite, and are likely to find attempts to smear him as such both offensive and dumb.  Best of all, Romney has nothing positive at all to say about himself that ordinary voters want to hear, not even 4% worth, so he’ll have to go on lying, flip-flopping, and bumbling while hoping some of his very expensive mud sticks.  Money can buy a lot of things, but love clearly isn’t among them.

Romney seems okay with that, but history might disagree.  Republicans (and the great majority of the media) loved Bush, and simply adored Reagan.  This undeserved and mostly unreciprocated adulation not only buffered them from criticism once in office, but more importantly, it got them there, and the same is true of Obama.  As I’ve said before, and it becomes more obvious each day, no one not named Romney loves Romney, or will admit it if they do.  The cheapness of the donors is, ironically, reflected in the listlessness of the voters.  On paper, Romney is the perfect candidate: looks, money, family, money, business experience, money, and money.  In real life, the paper turns out to be cardboard.



  1. Annice says:

    Sold to the highest bidder!!! This whole campaign of the republicans is an utter joke….

  2. nswfm says:

    Ya know, in CA, Romney’s buddy from Bain didn’t do so well–thanks for wasting all that money, Meg Whitman.

    • cocktailhag says:

      That’s the worst thing about outsize CEO pay; it creates a class of people that actually think they’re worth 1000 times what other people are, when they aren’t. Stepping away from the servants and sycophants, they inevitably look like asses.

  3. dirigo says:

    Heyyy … hold onto your comb-overs! Late word out of Nooo Yawk is that The Donald will endorse Newt tomorrow. Watch for it in your local tab, or on the CHNN Morning Show.

    And, in a sidebar to this breathless, breaking news from the CHNN Eastern Desk: It’s also being reported Newt and Callista are members at a Trumporama golf club in northern Virgina (Who says Newt didn’t do well working as a historian for Fannie?). Right now, Newt is struggling with a 47 handicap, and Callista, who’s played the Scottish game since she was a teenager, is beating the crap out of Newt most of the time. “He’s a fierce competitor though,” said a Trump golf official. “He’s got Callista motivating him on every hole. With her smile.”

    • cocktailhag says:

      Funny, but that smile fails to motivate me.

      • dirigo says:

        Actually, her smile would unnerve me if I were hunkered over my tee ball; and I’m a 10 handicapper on a good day, whether on or off a Trumporama course. One thing’s certain: On a golf course, Newt will learn more than he ever thought about irony and the law of unintended consequences.

        LIES FROM NOO YAWK … by way of Vegas. Not sure about Mitt’s golf game, but he might be guy who’d have trouble with four foot putts.

  4. Ché Pasa says:

    So based on this, Newtie did “surprisingly well,” given the enormous sums of SuperPAC money shoveled in to the always gaping maw of Teh Media on behalf of the wooden candidate nobody can stand. Not that anybody can stand Newtie, either.

    That doesn’t mean Newtie has a chance of course, perish the thought {{shudder}}, but still… it does give Newtie’s SuperPAC sugar daddies reason to keep shoveling bags of money into that gaping maw…

    Say… wait just a darned minute here, this is all a big fucking game to shovel more money into the media maw, innit? The game is rigged from the get-go, and the house always wins! Aw, man!

    • cocktailhag says:

      And knock me over with a feather, but turnout was high in the “Newt” counties (the parts of Florida that might as well be Alabama…), and low in the Mitt counties. The poor righties seem a lil’ depressed. Welcome to the club, knuckle-draggers; we liberals have been depressed since the 70′s.
      Yes, Che, the game is rigged.