Thus spake Sarah Palin today as she unexpectedly resigned as Governor of Alaska.  Demographically, she may be onto something.  If, say, 51% of the world had Down Syndrome, it’s entirely possible she could be elected Queen.  Moreso than under the current situation, anyway.  But such a demographic switch seems unlikely to come to fruition by 2012, no matter hard the Palin family and their followers work at it.  Thus, the only part of her lengthy, unfocused, mendacious, and patently ridiculous speech today that I came close to believing is a mathematical impossibility.  Maybe she crunched her numbers with her pals at the Creation Museum, where she will no doubt be giving frequent appearances between then and now.

After all, she knows her audience, and they don’t need no Down Syndrome to be idiots.  All she needs to do is shout “Liberal!” to her followers, and a thousand bullets will land wherever she pointed her manicured finger.  Nice work if you can get it.  But what her antics reveal is the frightening bloodlust and contempt for reality of her followers, to whom no crazy, lazy, and self-serving tantrum could ever be too much, and no bizarre conspiracy too farfetched, as long as the usual enemies were the real cause of it all…  She saw Glenn Beck approaching her in name recognition, Bill Kristol landing so  remarkably softly at the WaPoo,  and Karl Rove making so danged much more money, and suddenly it occurred to her that Alaska’s crony capitalism was cripplingly bush league, (not Bush League, mind you, where the money is strikingly better…), and when “Senior Fellow” positions were falling like rain on all these other discredited righties from the well-seeded clouds of wingnut welfare, she was doing something demonstrably wrong, and worse, counterproductive, by having a real job and doing it.  Way off message, Sister.  And as an Alaskan too, the poor thing had to fly all the time, and commercial was just getting old.  We can all feel her pain that way.

Of course, I’m merely parsing her obviously lie-filled words; one rule of Republican discourse is that rather than gaining anything from the plain text, one must always dig deeper into the smears (of people who know the truth), the lies (believe the opposite and you never go wrong; even the pathetic Harry Reid pointed this out once), and the veiled intentions, invariably cast as some  greater endeavor, which not unsurprisingly is made more difficult to accomplish by overwhelmingly negative public opinion and that pesky Constitution.  The much-needed skill of translating flat lies into some semblance of actual intent, however, honed over the Bush/Cheney/FOX News era, is now annoyingly widespread amongst ordinary Americans, if not Greta Van Susteren, so she might have made her speech shorter.  People with Down’s, you know, have notoriously short attention spans.

Happy Fourth, America, and I’m proud to announce that Democrats for Palin 2012, Park Avenue Headquarters, has just officially been established, right here in Little Beirut.  I promise not to drink all the proceeds.

UPDATE:  Not wanting to spoil my appetite, nor be tripped up by tight skirts and winks, I read only the transcript of Palin’s speech before I posted, and didn’t actually watch it until afterward.  Big Mistake.  I have never seen a woman so nuts; she makes Nicole Kidman’s character in “To Die for” look like Madeleine Albright.  The rushed, breathless delivery of a teenage kid explaining what happened to the car, telling her audience that due to some nefarious forces she had to quit her job, in this economy, halfway through, was simply too crazy and stupid to believe.  Is she going for the people who think Michele Bachmann is too much of a namby-pamby liberal? Yes.  My heavens, how the GOP has fallen.

Does that puff of smoke you saw in the bottom of the canyon on the “Road Runner” cartoons come to mind about now?  Yeah, me, too.