Don’t Let The Door Hit You, Holy Joe

To no one’s surprise, Holy Joe Lieberman’s “Joementum”  has turned out, once and for all, to be a wet firecracker; the universally despised “Independent” has, somewhat belatedly, decided to pull the curtain on his embarrassing “career,” by, naturally, leaking the news of his retirement while denying it.  Of course, few of his constituents will miss him, but Fox News will, and so will I, but for the same selfish reasons that have nothing to do with being a Patriotic American.  What right-wing network could fail to miss a “Democrat” who has come to dedicate his dreary, venal life to vilifying other Democrats, and what lefty blogger wouldn’t shed a drunken tear or two at the thought of losing such an easy (and cartoonish, to boot) target on a slow news day.

As most Hag readers know, I come by my loathing of Joe Lieberman honestly, despite its undeniable advantages; the moment he stepped up to denounce Bill Clinton for his notorious but obviously irrelevant tart problems, he gained a place in my heart as not only the Senate’s Dumbest Democrat, but as the Senate’s Dumbest Politician, which is a considerably higher bar to clear.  The rest of them were all porking their subordinates, too, and therefore understandably wanted to focus, primly, on “the rule of law” and whatnot, but ol’ Holy Joe, with whom no woman, likely including his long-suffering wife, has ever willingly disrobed, chose to focus on the sex thing; just the sheer horror of it all.  He positively gloried in being  Ken Starr’s homelier twin, and we all know how that turned out when it was presented to the American people, nearly all of whom have gotten laid, deservedly, considerably more often than guys like Ken and Joe, and as such see things a bit differently.

But like the party he would soon embrace, the unappealing and schoolmarmish Holy Joe fell improbably upward after the Democratic rout of 1998, and over the years he got to like the treachery thing a little too much for even his own good.  His nomination as Vice President in 2000 probably sealed Al Gore’s political fate, just as surely as Sarah Palin’s sealed John McCain’s eight years later, but neither of these two fatal and tone-deaf choices ever blamed themselves; quite the opposite, to the continuing consternation (and, I might add, diminution) of their disappointed political benefactors.  But Holy Joe wasn’t done.  His heretofore dormant libido having been put in overdrive after making out with George Bush, he decided to go bareback with Dick Cheney and Bill O’Reilly, rather than get thee to the STD clinic like a more responsible whore would, and his infections predictably blossomed.

Soon, he was beaten in the Democratic Primary (thanks in part to donations from your humble correspondent) by political newcomer Ned Lamont, and quickly became the embodiment of everything that was wrong with not just the Democratic Party, but the country at large, by running as an “Independent.”   You see, in today’s world, an “Independent” means that you emphatically embrace the most bonkers and ruinous policies of the Republican Party, especially on war an tax cuts for the rich, but even on things like reproductive rights (of which Joe would know nothing), and Health Care, which, thanks to Joe, includes no public option and is thus, (with a couple of minor exceptions) a typical pile of corporate-vetted crap.  This strategy, in the old days, could make you so rich even Republicans couldn’t beat you, but thanks to his old boyfriend’s court appointments, oops, Citizens United came along, and suddenly there’s many millions of dollars that says ol’ Holy Joe is just a shorter, uglier version of Hugo Chavez.  Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Holy Joe has indeed done a lot in his career, but today he has, at long last, finally done something worthwhile.  Quit.  Thanks, Joe.

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10 Comments

  1. Ché Pasa says:

    Who’s next?

    With Conrad quitting and Holy Joe taking a high colonic (don’t we wish) that puts the Senate Dem Caucus down 2; they’re only up (nominally) 5.. DiFi has indicated she’s not going to run again (though views on that vary) and I don’t know of any high profile Dem (unless it’s Gavin Newsom, newly inaugurated Lt Gov, former Mayor of Bagdad by the Bay). Surely not Villaraigosa. Please. But then you never know. Akaka is getting on in years, Ben Nelson is liable to bolt just for shits and giggles, and if the price is right, I’m sure many other Senate Dems would consider taking a powder.

    In other words, this is the first round of clearing the field for Mitch McConnell to take over the Senate.

    Now, I am one to advocate the abolition of the Senate and the massive expansion of the House, but that won’t happen till after the Revolution comes. So we’ll just have to live with the nonsense.

    For all the disgust I hold for Holy Joe, he seems to have mostly gotten over his spat with the “left,” and I’m sure that retirement will be very remunerative for him. “Make me an offer I can’t refuse!” And I’m sure he got a REALLY big one, from multiple bidders.

    The fact that the Dem hierarchy bent over backwards to curry his favor, no matter how much he betrayed them and stabbed them in the back, says more about the Big Ticket Dems than it says about Holy Joe, who we always knew was a treacherous little craven snake.

    Yes, “good riddance,” but there will be a heavy price to pay. We’re just beginning to see what it might be…

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, Holy Joe was going to lose anyway, no matter what, so his passing, in my view, opens up a potential pickup. The other seats are likely to go Republican, but vote-wise most Dems headed for defeat are Blue Dogs, anyway, just like last time.
      I think the Senate is a dumb (and grown dumber over time) idea, and anti-Democratic, giving small, less civilized states too much sway over the rest of the population. Why should a Lindsey Graham or Ben Nelson have so much power anyway? Because the system is fucked up, that’s why.
      Still, never underestimate Republican’s power to disgust voters and get tossed out again, especially this bunch. They’re already making petulant asses of themselves, and will continue to do so.

      • Ché Pasa says:

        Still, never underestimate Republican’s power to disgust voters and get tossed out again, especially this bunch. They’re already making petulant asses of themselves, and will continue to do so.

        Oh, indeed. The disgust quotient with the House Rs is already way in the danger zone.

        Of course they’re too bone stupid to know why the People are not amused with their juvenile antics, and they cannot learn, so… tick tock. Tick tock. Their time will be up … maybe not soon enough, but ya never know.

        As for those pesky Blue Dogs, it is a bother. There cannot be a Dem majority without Dems who can get elected in otherwise R districts — of which there will be many more after the redistricting in process right now. You also have to be able to elect Dems in otherwise “safe” R Senate States. That means Blue Dogs. More’s the pity.

        What drove me nuts when there was a Dem majority was that the Blue Dogs — and their R colleagues — were allowed pretty much free rein to rule as they saw fit (with His Serenity’s assent, of course), and that was just… wrong. Everybody knew it, too.

        So they got their asses handed to them.

        We will not get out of this pickle for a good long time.

        Nevertheless, let me know when you’re having a “Ding Dong, Holy Joe is Gone!” Party. Could be much fun!

        • cocktailhag says:

          The only hope, which the R’s ought to dread as much as we ought to relish, is demographics. How old is that Fox audience again? Young people are not racist, anti-environment, anti-gay and whatnot, even those who call themselves Christians.
          The right has sacrificed long-term viability for short-term gain, and though they will always rule the bayous and tumbleweeds, they won’t rule much else.
          Who cares if the Dems have a majority? As we’ve seen, Republicans don’t much respect that, and I don’t see Dems ever getting to less than 40, no matter how lame they are.
          The Holy Joe party already started at work; in Ed Schultz’s opening monologue, he invited callers to share their own Joe Lieberman stories, “everybody has one,” he snickered. As Mammy said, “Today is a happy day,” and I just poured myself something.

          • retzilian says:

            I agree. The Rs are going to go down in flames in 2012. Not that the Dems are doing much to fight them right now. They will just self-sabotage. A lot of that going around these days. Glenn Beck is next.

            O/T – my oldest daughter had a baby girl on Tuesday, my first grand daughter. Yay. Can’t wait to see her.

  2. cocktailhag says:

    Congrats, Retz… Have you taken up knitting yet?

  3. Congratulations Retzilian.

    Best wishes to Baby, Mom and Grandma.

  4. meremark says:

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    Profuse congrats, Retzi. It’s all good and select parts are best.

    -

  5. mikeinportc says:

    Congratulations , Retz! ( & family) :)

    ( I’ll skip the “old” joke. One per thread is probably enough. )

    I expect that we’ll still get our fill of Holy Joe. Maybe even more of him. Just in a different venue . ( A Sunday morning show with Karl Rove? )