Village Idiots, Continued

David Gregory (AFP Photo / Alex Wong)

Against my better judgement, I wandered over to Politico for a little look-see at what was passing for Village Conventional “Wisdom” on this dreary Tuesday, and boy howdy, should I have stayed home.  Although there was, at the top of the page, one article that mentioned the, uh, President; except for an irrelevant smidgen of 20-year old Clinton nostalgia, Politico was as usual obsessed with the Republican government in exile, even though there was no conceivable news value in any of it.

I know, I know, you can’t spell “Politico” without POO, but even I had to put a clothespin on my nose to ward off the stench of the steaming piles scattered everywhere.  The “top” story, if you want to call it that, was a fawning essay (if you want to call it that) about “wonky” Paul Ryan, who understandably is looking for a new “path to power,” since the last path didn’t turn out so well.  Although the article was unadulterated hagiography, it nonetheless relied almost exclusively on unnamed sources; I guess even the most shameless Republican hacks don’t want to be caught saying things like “Ryan has no interest in the sheer grind of campaigning,” lest they be pummeled in a hail of rotten vegetables.

Ralph Reed, Grifter for Jesus and all around has-been, is evidently desperate enough for attention these days that he did go on the record, but only to say that the “indispensable” Ryan had “street cred (!) on the right that goes back 20 years,” which is somewhat remarkable for a 42-year old, Randian halfwit or no.  Hilariously, every other paragraph had a clickable photo menu, evidently for those who can’t stop laughing (or worse) at the, uh, beefcake shots Ryan unwisely released to Time magazine just days before his well-deserved defeat for the Vice Presidency.

Although I was besieged by pop-up ads at every click, of which there are many because a Politico story invariably turns 600 words into a three-page epic, I could no more resist reading the whole thing than Chris Christie could resist a 16-pack of Ho-Ho’s, and besides, I’d only seen the word “wonk” once.  My ill-advised gluttony paid off: the final page was a bit of “original” reporting about a “wonky” meeting wherein the unflappable Ryan fielded “tough” questions from journalists, spending a whole “90 minutes” wading into the “budget weeds,” which would be a lot, if the budget weren’t $3.08 trillion.   And if the “journalist” hosts weren’t from Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, it might have been “tough,” too.

Skipping over an article about how “unthinkable” it would be for the House GOP to cut a dime from the Pentagon and another wherein Speaker John Boehner (surprise!) disagrees with the President, I eagerly leapt into a piece about Eric Cantor and the GOP’s latest round of “rebranding,” titled, temptingly, “Cantor 4.0.”  For once, a little skepticism has seemingly crept in over this latest round of cynical sloganeering passing for governing, which is as good an indication as any that Cantor is finished.  At Politico, the old saying seems to be, “fool me thrice,” and then “you can’t get fooled again.”

Little did I know, Cantor 1.0, circa 2009, was something called “National Council for a New America,” utterly forgotten everywhere but at Politico, where they must have fallen for it and remain bitter to this day.  Then there was Cantor 2.0, “Young Guns” (whose average age was north of 45), which was a self-aggrandizing 2010 book utterly devoid of content, but which nonetheless passed for a meaningful political treatise in the fetid air of the Village.  Still hoping to kick that football yet again, Politico played Charlie Brown to Cantor’s Lucy in 2011, only to find that “Cut and Grow” was about as popular as crabs in a whorehouse, even as empty slogans go.

Now that Cantor has come out with, wait for it, “Making Life Work,” even Politico is getting bored with this insulting BS, and gets as close as it possibly can to saying so without giving up cocktail weinies forever.  Fortunately for Cantor, there is still at least one Villager stupid and credulous enough to treat such errant hogwash as news; Politico reports that Cantor will be appearing on “Meet the Press” on Sunday.  Even when you’ve lost Politico, there is still David Gregory.


  1. Teddy says:

    At Politico, “wonky” = “dreamy.”

    Mr Pierce nailed it, I’m afraid: it’s Tiger Beat on the Potomac.

    And the less said about Dancin’ Dave “Stretch,” the better.

    • cocktailhag says:

      To my mind, it felt almost like an intramural Village catfight; the way they basically said that there were no ideas, yet they’d be aired on MTP.
      Even Politico, it seems, looks down on the bewigged totem pole.

  2. Teddy says:

    It’s got to be hard to be Politico: they were established to provide another media outlet for GOP ideas and politicos — and yet there are so few of each nowadays that people want to read about.

  3. mikeinportc says:

    Even Bill “Always Right Wrong” Kristol isn’t buying it. Saw him today, saying the GOP doesn’t need rebranding. :) ))))

  4. timothy3 says:

    So Cantor’s newest incarnation is in the Joel Osteen mold — Making Life Work.

    Well, he’s got the dental work part down so, who knows?

    As for Ryan, he’s a delicious gift of idiocy that keeps on giving.

    Krugman has “detailed” those invisible budget cuts that are non-existent in Wonky Ryan’s Budget For Beginners: How To Rite a Bujit in Three Pajis or Less.

    Dutiful Politico.

    Always the go-to source for answers to questions unasked.

  5. RUKidding says:

    Wow. I have never ever gone to Politico, and now I know why.

    Funny, though, that immediately after KKKarl Rove’s vote-fixing apparantly failed big-time – much to KKarl’s very publically delicious chagrin – there was a very *brief* period of some ersatz GOP “self-reflection” entitled “OhLoweredOHLowered, WhyOHWhy did you forsake us? And, more importantly, what’ll cost for us to “win” the next time???”

    There were Editorials Galore – I shuddered even just glimpsing the headlines & refrained from reading the “contents” – about how Now! Really We MEAN It… seriously! Stop Laughing! The GOP would figure out a “way” to – shudder, shriek, moan – “appeal” to the darkies & the dirty messicans becuase – the horror! the horror! – apparently we “have to.” Plus, the GOP might also, cough cough, toss a bone or two to the slutty McSlut Whores out there.

    But every dog has his or her day, and I duly note that such sentiments have passed from the collective mindset of our “Republican” band of brothers (few sisters in evidence, especially now that Bible Spice got the boot from Jabba the Ailes). I mean, after all, what could El Lushbo diatribe about daily IF NOT the darkies, the Sluts & the dirty messicans???? And think about poor Fake Noise – where would they be if they have to, you know, really-for-sure become more “appealing” to “those people”????

    And so, as I surmised, the GOP’s wandering in the wilderness has come to its typical abrupt ending, and it’s back to their old stomping grounds of Lee Atwater’s tried & true Southern Strategy. So addictive! So comforting! So like that warm blankie that mommy used to put over you every night!

    Never fear, CH, all’s right with the world, and Eric Cantor’s got his gig with the Totem Pole with a Wig Up Top. Next Sunday it’ll surely be a turn for everyone’s all-time favorite: Walnuts McCrankyPants to foam (literally) at the mouth about, why, I dunno: perhaps just “everything.”

    • cocktailhag says:

      That’s what I was thinking; take away the racism, sexism, and xenophobia, and what’s left for the rubes? Can they really entertain shut-ins all day talking about how Jesus loves the carried interest loophole and the Walmart heirs?
      Oh, there’s still gay-baiting and science denial, but even those are barreling into a cul-de-sac lately.
      They made the bed, and they have to lie in it, being fanned with palm fronds by a coterie of concerned Villagers.

      • RUKidding says:

        True: there is incessant diatribing against teh gheyz, but the GOP, itself, treads somewhat lightly there due to Log Cabin high-rollers (there are some), and there’s always good ole tirading about the ever-Sacred & Sacrosanct 2d Amendment (the only Amed. worth discussing) against gun-stealing horrid Leftists who want to destroy the gun-fetish hobbies of all of these god-botherers. But still… even Rush & Glenn must scramble for material sometimes. How small can you make your tantrum-thowing playbook without, you know, getting bored (after all, we do know that being *repetitive* is ok with the listeners, but perhaps the carny barkers need a change of pace)???

        So, it’s skippity-doo-dah and back the future, all warm ‘n cozy in that thar reliable Southern Stratgegy, and we’ll *threaten* KKKarl that he’d better get those voting machines FIXED good ‘n proper the next time out… or something.

        • cocktailhag says:

          I do think that’s their last, best, hope; trimming the electorate. Unfortunately for them, their electorate gets trimmed each day, by the Grim Reaper.

  6. mikeinportc says:

    How many ways can you say ” I got mine. Screw you! ( & give me yours while we’re at it.)” ? They’re just trying to find out.

  7. dirigo says:

    Yeah, well for the sake of balance in the news (that sacred info cow), we can now sit back while Hagel’s nomination is delayed and possibly shelved (with Carl Levin’s blessing it seems) on the demand that the nominee search his pumpkin patch for notes, contracts, recordings, witness statements, random effluvia, receipts, illegible cocktail napkins from the Tehran Hilton, old candy wrappers, expired condoms, never used rubber stamps still in the box, obsolete quotes from Bartlett’s (or alternatively, words of wisdom from Richard III, possibly Dick Cheney), psychological profiles by Army doctors prior to the issuance of an M-16 and the sergeant’s first step off a Huey into a rice paddy sometime in 1967; detailed, written warnings about Jane Fonda; unauthorized candid pictures taken on the sly by the nominee himself of actual, dead comrades in arms stacked like cordwood on the Saigon airport tarmac prior to leaving the blasted heath of South Vietnam (clearly a second-tier problem, dear patriots, as far as being a “witness to history” goes) – WHATEVER IT TAKES! – to satisfy the committee that he is not a subversive.

    All this while troops are in the field, hither and yon.

    It’s been reported that some aide to a Republican committee member actually said of Hagel: “What is he hiding?” – when asked about the over-the-top demand for records of Hagel’s appearances before “suspect groups,” many of which are either proprietary or do not exist.

    Can you say Star Chamber?

    • RUKidding says:

      Yeah. The beat-down goes on with Hagel. Go figure.

      But today, oh happy day, we’ll probably get to see Torturer in Chief, John Brennan, get confirmed as Chief Spook. So there is that.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Yes, and I can also say Cheap Political Theater. “Shame” isn’t a word in their dictionaries.

  8. RUKidding says:

    Ooops, I guess I spoke too soon. It looks like none other than Marco Rubio will give a rebuttal to Obama’s SOTU Address in both Inglés y Español. Wonder if Tea Bag heads will explode?? What will Rush & Glenn have to say about this vile, disgusting & revolting development?

  9. mikeinportc says:

    They’ll all probably all like it,at least privately, knowing that it can be used against him, , if he ever gets any presidential ambitions. Evidence that The Mexican( Cuban? – Same thing, right? ;) ) hordes are overruning the country, and that little Jimbob will soon have to get his skoolin’ in Spainish.

  10. mikeinportc says:

    On the plus side, maybe Michelle Malkin, and similar, will go nuclear, and provide invaluable entertainment. ;)

  11. mikeinportc says: :) )))
    Arthur Silber on the Brennan hearing. Actually,I went there for his post from earlier today.( 2 posts back) Worth a looksee. Back when Petraeus’ trouble first broke, he correctly diagnosed that it wasn’t about what it was about. He predicted that it was to make room for somebody else, possibly Brennan. Today’s supposition is that given Brennan’s authorship of the Kill List,among other things, the point of current “leak” (i.e. “trial balloon”) to Issikoff, and Brennan’s nomination, is to expand the program, maybe even domestically.

    • cocktailhag says:

      I read that, too. I guess no one clued Roger Ailes in, which I find oddly heartening.

    • RUKidding says:

      Internal dissension amongst the Michiavellian 1%? Who gets to have the most power? General Betrayus was taken down to make room for Brennan. I figured it would be bad; sadly, I wasn’t wrong. The Lowered help us all.

      Brennan is IN, no matter what the yippy 99% says or does.