Too Pooped To Pop

Poor ol’ Willard can’t catch a break these days and, oddly enough for a guy who seems utterly convinced his shit doesn’t stink, poop always seems to be involved.  For a long time, the NYT’s Gail Collins has obsessed about his dog squirting butt gravy off the roof of the car (she brought it up for the thousandth time just this morning…), and that story has, if you’ll pardon the pun, created something of a stink for the Republican front runner.

Now, though, the anal excretion that’s soiling Romney’s magic underwear is, you guessed it, Santorum.  It seems that a bunch of butt nuggets affiliated with the smellier regions of the Christian Right, worried that Santorum was, as Politico put it, “slipping behind Gingrich,” had a confab, perhaps in a restroom, in Texas.  These worthies, including but(t) not limited to Gary Bauer, Tony Perkins, James Dobson and others, decided that it was time to, well, cover Santorum’s ass before Romney wiped him up once and for all.

This can’t be good news for a candidate who hoped to leave his “moderate” past, wherein he kind of gave a pass to pillow-biters and allowed more Massachusetts residents to have prostate exams, uh, behind.  Other steaming piles, like his Bain Capital career and unprecedented refusal to release his tax returns, continue to dot the landscape, creating a stinky minefield for him to negotiate in South Carolina, not to mention the larger slice of the Old Confederacy he will have to tiptoe through on Super Tuesday.  Gucci loafers are notoriously inadequate footwear for such perilous terrain.

Further, since all of his statements against Obama seem to be pulled directly from his ass, as Paul Krugman ably, if so far ineffectually pointed out today, he is more vulnerable than ever to charges that since he smelt it, he undoubtedly dealt it.

We might find out differently on Tuesday, but from where I sit (not so broken-hearted) this isn’t what I’d call the sweet smell of success.


  1. mikeinportc says:

    That’s bad! :( ~ ( & good! – Bathroom humor at it’s finest . :) )

  2. The Heel says:

    I will so vote for Steven Colbert….

  3. Ché Pasa says:

    This keeps up, and Colbert will have it in the bag.

    Can “Skidmarks” be his intro music? Pleeeease? (Never heard it before; it’s great.)

  4. retzilian says:

    This is all about the mormon problem. I know first-hand from being related to fundies that they absolutely belive, without flinching, that LDS is a cult. They think Smith was a false prophet, that the religion is blasphemy. They cannot yet suck up the fact that if Romney is the nominee, they’ll have to choke on their vote for him or abstain. Some might secretly vote for Obama.

    The fact that Romney is a mormon is the biggest problem with the base and the fundies, and nobody dares talk about it.

    Mormon or Negro Heathen….Mormon or Heathen…Mormon or Heathen….what a conundrum.