Sarah Palin Measures the Drapes

Until I saw this clip today I was in a pretty bad mood, and not just about politics.   The rain is coming down sideways, and temperatures will be in the thirties by tonight, which has already started and it’s not yet 4:30.  But no bad weather and/or serial capitulations by Democrats can spoil my mood now.  Just when I was thinking that my erstwhile party, and Obama especially, were so jaw-droppingly lame that they would simply hand Republicans another undeserved victory in 2012 by default, along came Caribou Barbie to cheer me up.   You see, this halfwit could, undoubtedly, receive the Republican nomination, but that would be about the only possible thing that could make Obama’s weak, placeholder presidency look good enough for Democrats and  those elusive Independents to hold their noses and vote for him again.  The ugly truth is that if nothing else, Americans do expect their goddamned PRESIDENT to be at least cognitively capable of lying convincingly on television, a precious fluency for Republicans (and turncoat Democrats like Obama) that utterly escapes poor Mama Grizzly.  In short, unless Palin accepts the fact that, to most Americans, she makes America’s Stupidest President (so far), George Bush, look like the love child of Albert Einstein and Dorothy Parker, and steps aside for someone who at least appears smarter, she will lead the GOP to humiliating defeat, symbolically if not substantively.   As this clip makes clear, she’s either way too dumb, or just too blindingly sheltered and narcissistic, for such canny pragmatism.  Overconfidence is a well-known and predictably disastrous Republican trait, but even that bunch has its limits, and Sister Sarah has, quite evidently, none.

Not surprisingly, Palin’s Fox colleague (!) Karl Rove, sees the unlikelihood of a White House decorated in gingham and moose heads with ATV’s littering the lawn anytime soon, and has wisely sounded the alarm early about Palin’s undeniable dingbattery and its sobering potential to rob Republicans of another shot at packing the courts and starting some more wars, which would both help make voting even more pointless for ordinary Americans, a longtime goal of the right.  He realizes that any Republican President, who will by current definition be frantically consumed with robbing Americans of their freedom and future, not to mention their money, will be always relying on “plausible deniability” something he learned at the knee of his first hero, Richard Nixon.  Rove’s clearly as nervous as a whore in church about Palin’s frighteningly inescapable power, which is the sort of thing can’t help but warm the cockles of my heart.

You see, Palin’s long on denial, alright, but that plausible thing?  Not going to happen in this lifetime.  That woman would lose, badly, a spelling bee with Dan Quayle, a personality contest with Leona Helmsley, and a game of Scrabble against her son Trig, but for the knuckle-dragging, semiliterate “base” the Republicans have so shamelessly and effectively courted of late, all these unseemly qualities are what make her so darn lovable.  Without Palin, and the horse(shit) she rode in on, the Republicans know they are toast, however lavishly buttered by their corporate masters.  The trailer park crowd they need to win isn’t going to meekly accept their beloved Rodeo Queen being tossed aside for a silver-tongued larcenist like Mitt Romney or a nerdy egghead like Paul Ryan, just two of several reliable servants of the plutocracy Republicans have trotted out so far.  Those guys, after all, know big words and stuff, which betrays a sneaky, crypto-foreign elitism  that is now all but automatically disqualifying for the Republican primary voter of the new century.  This convenient but increasingly problematic new “base,” stoked by Fox News and a boatload of  corporate money, is on a stupid binge, and they just can’t get enough anymore, no matter the consequences.  George Bush was like a tantalizing ice cream cone, and after that they want nothing less than Sarah, who is, by comparison, a Double Banana (Republic) Split with extra marshmallow goo and three maraschino cherries on top.  (No hot fudge, though; it’s too, well, brown…) No wonder Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden went over like a fart in church with this crowd, who already wear XXL t-shirts proclaiming, “I’m with stupid,” and would be happy to sport the same pithy phrase on a bumper sticker, with “2012″ tacked on at the end.

You go, girl.


  1. Ya know.

    I’ve gotten to the point where just seeing the incredibly unimportant, faux-news pushed, totally meaningless face of Sarah Louise Palin on any media – be it major print, reality TV, M$M highlights or “Dancing with the Stars” – has made me want to toss my cookies.

    Somehow we’ve got to get Sarah out of the spotlight. It’s like viewing the biologically-insignificant growth of pond scum.

    Why do we have to watch this stuff?

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, because if nothing else it does make you feel good to be a Democrat, which doesn’t happen very often these days.
      (Did you see the daughter’s homophobic and illiterate Facebook crapola today? Those Palin apples don’t fall too far from the tree, you betcha….. Also.)

  2. The Heel says:

    on my way home I listened to AM1240 – central coast hate radio. Interestingly enough, one of their Rush disciples urged the double digit IQ crowd to avoid Sarah running. His take was that she would even lose to Obama and his prediction was that Hilary will beat Obama in the primaries and would easily win over Palin.

    Very interesting to find you in coherence with wannabe Goebbels (you should have heard him scream in bozo-passion) on right wing talk radio.

    For once I hope they are right and you are, too :)

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, your local righty is at least half right; Hillary and Bill are fixed for life, and don’t need the headaches (of which Hilary certainly has the most…), but there’s absolutely no way Palin could beat Obama, lame as he is.
      I know that growing up to be president someday hasn’t required brains, at least since 1980, but Sarah Palin for president…. Really?
      To coin a phrase, “pls refudiate.”

      • The Heel says:

        I would like to say you are right and I wish to believe that there are limits to American election “surprises” (the least arrogant formulation I could come up with), BUT then again, dimwits Reagan and Dubya had two terms.
        Time has moved on and the masses have been drinking the cool aid of infotainment for decades.
        In any case would Caribou Barbie make for a hilariously funny election season. Coming to think of it, I should start contributing to her campaign :)

  3. dirigo says:

    Pure arrogance, and she’s given a platform and a microphone every time. Is Barbara Walters jerking her off? Or us?

    “I believe so!”

    Cue the meringue pie.

    • cocktailhag says:

      The good news is she believes a whole hell of a lot of things that are equally ridiculous… As far as soothsaying goes, she’s like Bill Kristol’s little sister.
      That’s somewhat comforting.

  4. avelna says:

    The rethugs will get what they deserve if Sister Sarah is their Chosen One to run against Obama. Unfortunately, the Dem Obamabots will also get what they deserve when Obama creams her in the election. He still apparently hasn’t made the connection between it will be “Obama’s Waterloo” and the willingness of all rethugs to allow the country to slide into total anarchy so that they can get and maintain a stranglehold on power. Also unfortunate that the rest of us will slide down too.

  5. nancy says:

    Does anyone else feel like we’ve entered a very strange reenactment of a series of “Twilight Zone” episodes? How can we possibly be discussing this person, her “worldview”(!), and serious matters for the country and planet we inhabit? What is going on when I log on to the NYT, and the weekend magazine preview features a lengthy iteration of an obvious loon? Is this the “lamestream media” earning its bona fides by column inch? Jeheebus. I could not watch this clip, but I’m sure I’ll hear from my brother-in-law suggesting that I check it out. He has two, count ‘em, two, Ivy League degrees, and he sends me razored clips from In Touch magazine about the real-folks Palin family and their all-American values. I need an Alka-Selzter.

  6. The Heel says:

    Hey Tart, thanks for making me read up on Dorothy Parker. What a fantastic glamour tart with sass and class. And finishing school, no less!
    Her later years turning into a cocktail hag….

    Still smiling ;)