Send In The Clowns

Over at TPM, they published the results of the New Hampshire straw poll for the GOP presidential nominee in 2012, and it looks like Obama can continue to phone it in as before, and not worry too much about how lame he is.

The worthies, using the term loosely, are:

1) Mitt Romney 35.14% Really.  He does look presidential and all, but do you think that all the Bain Capital layoffs, his own “Obamacare,” the Mormonism, and worst of all, the dog on the roof rack incident are going to play well with the teabaggers, let alone normal people?  The Village may swoon, but that’s about it.

2) Ron Paul 10.51% Legalizing drugs and closing military bases?  Enough said.

3) Tim Pawlenty 7.61% Even this low showing isn’t low enough for this (male) Minnesota nitwit, who has accomplished approximately nothing, but will probably still be considered too liberal because he occasionally speaks in complete sentences and isn’t eligible to join AARP yet.

4) Sarah Palin 6.88% Submitted without comment.

5) Michele Bachmann 5.07% Recently Politifact awarded this cuckoo person the dubious honor of being America’s Lyingest Politician, which is indeed saying something.  Of the 13 times they checked her, her highest score, achieved six times, was “False.”  The seven others rated “Pants on Fire,” complete with a neat moving flame logo.  In response to this mild pillorying, Bachmann told her 14th lie.  And she’s crazy, too.  Also.

6) Jim DeMint 5.07% Like Romney, he looks the part, and has that soothing Confederate accent that soothes the party faithful.  Still, he got beaten by not one, but two girls, which can’t possibly go over well in coon-huntin’ country.

7) Herman Cain 3.99% Forgive me for not having heard of this great American, but it’s worth pointing out that he beat …..

8) Chris Christie 3.26% As America’s Most Unpleasant Fat Person, Christie has stepped into a big pair of shoes (and even bigger pants), and despite Chris Wallace’s schoolgirl crush on him, I don’t expect America to follow.  We like our fat people to be jolly.

9) Rick Santorum 3.26% Thank heaven that Dan Savage put that one to rest.  When will someone tell him?

10) Mitch Daniels 2.90% This genius was George W. Bush’s Budget Director, and we all saw how that turned out.  He’s also a Hoosier.

Sigh.  It would be nice, actually, if any one of these charlatans and/or cretins were capable of presenting an honest conservative argument in this upcoming battle, but they can’t….  Obama is actually quite conservative, and they are saddled with a base that thinks he’s a Kenyan Castro.  Watching the smarmy and despicable Eric Cantor dance around admitting birthers were crazy before that bulldog David Gregory this morning was actually painful; Republicans are stuck between a crazy rock and a corporate hard place, and they respond with a clown car like this.

If Obama is reelected in 2012, it won’t be his own doing.


  1. mikeinportc says:

    “Dog on the roof rack” ? Is that something Romney did , or his caricature of his opponent(s)’ candidacy ?

    • cocktailhag says:

      The dog, an Irish Setter, was named Seamus. The trip was twelve hours, from Boston to Ontario. You know I don’t like dogs much, but I don’t think I would have done it.

  2. mikeinportc says:

    ^ Practicing playing to the base?

  3. cocktailhag says:

    Seems they put fido on the roof of the car for a family trip… Hilarity and liquid poop ensued. Google it.

  4. dirigo says:

    Bachmann should be fitted with stiletto heels and exported to Italy. She could probably do a lot more for the world by helping Silvio sort things out there. Italy’s a piece of cake compared to The Big Melting Pot.