The New Cuban Missile Crisis

For some reason, a lot of Republican broads never learned much about the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Is it because they’re too busy being taught to hate the Kennedys?  Is it because no Freedom Bombs got dropped?  Dana Perino was probably the best, having never even heard of such a thing, but Michele Bachmann takes the cake.  Speaking to an audience in Iowa, this startlingly cuckoo woman said the following:

“Why would you normalize trade with a country that sponsors terror?” the candidate asked a crowd of supporters in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. “There is (sic) reports that have come out that Cuba has been working with another terrorist organization called Hezbollah. And Hezbollah is looking at wanting to be part of missile sites in Iran and, of course, when you are 90 miles offshore from Florida, you don’t want to entertain the prospect of hosting bases or sites where Hezbollah could have training camps or perhaps have missile sites or weapons sites in Cuba. ”

Really? Hezbollah, a ragtag band of lightly armed Habibs scattered across a few faraway repressive countries, is going to team up with Iran and and go all Kruschev on us, putting MISSILE SITES from the nukes Iran may or may not ever have a mere ninety miles away.  Not to offend Sarah Palin or anything, but the very idea is, well, retarded.  Close to the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard; is there no bottom limit to the utter implausibility of things Republicans say?  I watched the clip of her entire demented and excruciating ten-minute speech, and I have mercifully decided not to post it, but more on that later.

You see, to people on the over-the-cliff right like Bachmann, Cuba is the sponsor of terrorism, despite the fact that we harbored for many years the actual Cuban terrorist, CIA flunkie Orlando Bosch, who killed 73 people on a Cuban airliner, just to show that nasty Fidel a thing or two.  (President GHW Bush even pardoned the poor thing in 1990 for his 1976 bombing).  But to Bachmann and her rapt audience, terrorism has a color, a mixture of red and brown, and the only answer is to continually kick it to the curb, no matter how ridiculous the persecution fantasies you have to indulge to get there.  In her world, Islamofascists can turn overnight into Islamocommies, and it’s just tomato, tomahto.  They’re bad, alright?

As is so often with Bachmann, she is just spouting the latest loony thing she heard from the craziest righties in America who flock to her appearances; she bragged about how she just spent time with the (increasingly nursing home-bound) anti-Castro Cubans in Florida, who will continue to party like it’s 1959 until they go to their graves, and thought they must be onto something as they gummed their jello.  In the real world, of course, most Cuban Americans would favor reduced travel and trade restrictions, and at any rate Fidel will soon tip over, but though it is unlikely that Havana will turn into Houston overnight, is this something the right still needs to wax apocalyptic over?

Of course it is.  At this point, the political and economic orthodoxies of the Republican Right are so toxic, destructive, and demonstrably calamitous, that the only way to continue to sell them is to blame their inevitable results some hated brown people or other, and then go after said other with guns (literally, often) a’blazing.  Everything, and I mean everything, is a racially-tinged apocalypse these days, with the glaring exception of the real apocalypses unfolding before our eyes, like the global looting of public treasuries by an unaccountable elite, the systematic destruction of the environment by that same elite, and corrupt governments throughout the “free” world regularly turning to police state tactics against their suffering citizens.

But Michele Bachmann thinks we ought to worry about the Second Coming of the Cuban Missile Crisis, instead.  Worse, her supporters have an entirely different Second Coming in mind, and they’re clearly dumb enough to believe in both.  To illustrate, she points out, accurately, that before Ronald Reagan was President, we were a creditor nation, but yet now we’re a debtor nation because Obama is President, confident that her audience has no clue what happened in the intervening years to change that, since they’ve been so fully narcotized by FOX, Limbaugh et al, that they just nod approvingly.

If you have the stomach, watch:  The video is up at Raw Story. (She looks disturbingly attractive and may even have false eyelashes on; she means business….)  Would she be the running mate for Romney that could pull in the stupid vote?  I fear the answer might be yes.  She’s dumb enough, she’s crazy enough, and dammit, people like her.




  1. mikeinportc says:

    She’s dumb enough, she’s crazy enough, and dammit, people like her.

    :) ))))))

    You should send that to Al Franken.

    Probably talked to John Bolton and Pam Gellar on the same day . When you’re on the Crazy Train Express, it all tends to blend together. ;)

    • cocktailhag says:

      Seriously, though, Hezbollah and Iran, and Castro, put together? The mind doth boggle, as I expect it will continue to. No wonder Obama thinks he can get away with being so lame. Look at the alternatives.

  2. The Heel says:

    Darn it, Tart, now you did it. I am losing my lusting for Michelle. Didn’t like her hair at all. Palin makes a much better impression of the strict librarian. Bachmann needs to wear her hair open.

    See, I have decided to vote for the sexually most attractive candidate from here on out. Everything else doesn’t matter.

    • cocktailhag says:

      When I was in college, I made New Years resolution not to sleep with anyone I hated. I broke it by Jan. 8th or so, but I was 21 at the time; I’m not anymore. I don’t understand how you can fall for crazy ladies, who also appear to be harridans, just because of how they look. Don’t you know how that always turns out?

  3. dirigo says:

    Silvio and “Colonel” Gaddafi are expected to retire there soon, no doubt to carry out a subversive bromance, all aimed at confusing residents of South Florida next year.

  4. michlib says:

    Is this the same Bachmann who claims God tells her where he vents his spleen ? The east coast earthquake and hurricane Irene are signs from God, she tells us. What about bridge collapses in Minnesota, or wildfires consuming Texas after its holier than thou Gubner asked people to pray for rain ? You can’t make this stuff up.
    I just wish she’d stop telling me wqhat god thinks.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Well, if I were God I would have dispatched her with a lightning bolt quite a while back. That broad’s damaging the brand, just like the rest of them. If any of them become President, it will be proof that God either doesn’t exist, or He drinks entirely too much.

  5. Ché Pasa says:

    That Bachmann woman, what can you say. I’m sure she tipples just a bit more than she ought to before she goes out in public, but if you’ve seen her “husband” you wouldn’t be any more surprised than I am. In other words, not at all. Who wouldn’t drink under the circumstances?

    I always wondered how the Rs were going to keep Castro isolated on that island there; now we know! He’s in cahoots! With Hizbullah! I knew it! The rotter. Thanks to Miss Micchele for clearing that up.

    As for Salon, oh man. Talbot’s back and fired up, isn’t he? Eeek. He’s good for the place — almost anything would be better than their doldrums the past few years — and he’s ruined it more than once. An odd duck… Greenwald had a piece up on Tuesday, didn’t he? Wonder what happened to it? Seems to be gone now…

    • cocktailhag says:

      Greenwald’s back. I heard from inside sources that he was midwifing for a dog….. Why do people have dogs, anyway? I’ll never understand it.
      Righties seem to have this thing going on where they think everything they don’t like is somehow connected; this is just a funnier than usual example of a very old, undoubtedly talk radio fueled phenomenon.

  6. dirigo says:

    Evidently playing hard to get (doing the big tease, though I won’t include the C-word here), Sarah told Greta the Fox being “shackled” by the presidency may not be all that attractive after all, and having the title of POTUS may be a wan proposition too (though the bullet-proof limo, 24/7 access to Air Force One, and after-midnight White House room service of pate, crackers and pinot grigio might be nice).

    Underlying this of course is the attitude that actually governing, sitting in on those boring meetings, and maybe, just maybe, having to settle for too many half-loaves in a lifetime may not be worth it.

    Sarah speaks from the mountaintop, perhaps also hoping that even the portly but earnest Chris Christie won’t satisfy the baying baggers, and that they’ll eventually turn their lonely eyes to her. Maybe she’ll soon draft an action plan on how to confront the Iranian navy before it shells Red Bank, New Jersey. That would upstage Christie at least.

    Anyway, like Richard III, she may yet, under such a scenario, reluctantly step forward with her bible, and accept the crown, mace, and national breastplate on behalf of us all.

    Oh happy day!

    • cocktailhag says:

      At least she’s smart enough to realize that Presidents have to work long hours, and their families can’t behave like trailer park denizens, so it’s just not a good fit for her.
      Bring on the fatass, I say.

  7. mikeinportc says:

    their families can’t behave like trailer park denizens,..

    Sure they can! Roger Clinton , Billy Carter ;)

    • cocktailhag says:

      I guess so, but having an illegitimate baby boom going on all the time might be frowned upon in some quarters, not to mention the parties at the White House when the parents are out of town.