The Special Olympics

I’ve been loath to post over the past few days, partly because I’m in Napa, and partly because the stupidity of the news of late leaves me depressed, tongue-tied, and even thirstier than usual.  All such conditions lead inevitably to writer’s block, although the comic possibilities of Weinergate were admittedly tempting.  I was finally roused from my not-unpleasant torpor, though, by the alarming possibility that our Capitulator in Chief, through no fault of his own, will probably be undeservedly reelected, thanks only to the abject idiocy of his Republican opponents.

First, we have Sarah Palin’s novel notion that Paul Revere rode around Massachusetts sporting an NRA bumper sticker on his horse, ringin’ bells and raisin’ hell to “warn the British” about something or other, a delusion so jaw-droppingly ridiculous that even Fox News’ Chris Wallace could barely stifle a chuckle over it.  Surreally, this got Michele Bachmann’s well-teased dander up, leading her minions to solemnly proclaim that Caribou Barbie was insufficiently “serious.”  Before Allen Funt could pop out of the bushes, along came Tim Pawlenty with a “plan” that makes George Bush look like a hippie, and not incidentally would increase the deficit by several trillion.

Not to be outdone, Herman Cain then became the first Republican to propose stimulative infrastructure spending of suitably millennial  proportions; our own Chinese wall to keep out the Mexicans, complete with an alligator-infested moat, to predictable cheers from his addlepated supporters.  In case this idea sounded like too, well, constructive, he hastened to add that no Mooslims would serve in his cabinet, but he might hire a gay or two because they would potentially be a fashionably dressed bulwark against creeping Sharia.  Later, after that, he backtracked a bit…  Mooslims could serve, if they took a loyalty oath over a pizza that resembled the Blessed Virgin.

Meanwhile, Democrats again demonstrated their lameness and political ineptitude by calling loudly for the resignation of Rep. Anthony Weiner, politely ignoring the whoremongers (and just plain whores) on the other side of the aisle.  The Republican leadership has its flaws, but stupidity is not among them, so they largely (and wisely) stayed mum, perhaps partly out of envy.

Then, along came the Frothy Mixture, and I was finally moved to type.  For sheer loathsomeness and anti-electability, no one beats the repulsive and crazy Rick Santorum:  Palin minus the brains, Newt minus the popularity, Pawlenty minus the sex appeal, and Mitt Romney minus the principles.

Behold today’s brief exchange after a “discussion” about climate change, which he naturally considers a liberal plot, with, naturally enough, Rush Limbaugh (h/t Mother Jones…):

Limbaugh: I have a minute and a half. You ever ask yourself where the American people are politically? Do you ever fear the American people just maybe want a European socialist country, that they’d rather be dependent on government? Does that worry you?

Santorum: Does it worry me? Well, you know, Rush, ’cause you combat it every day with the popular culture and the media and academic institutions, that gets pounded away every day into the minds of our young people, and I don’t know how many times I’ve listened on your show where people said, “You know, you opened, the scales fell from my eyes. It’s finally making sense to me. I understand all of these lies I’ve been told.” You tell people lies enough and you indoctrinate them enough, of course I’ve got grave concerns and that’s one of the reasons I’m doing this is because I think we need — look, the person who’s been able to win the presidency since the age of television has had one thing in common. They’ve been the best communicator in the race. We need someone like a Rush Limbaugh who can communicate and can touch the soul of Americans and can reach out across the radio and television and paint a vision that helps drop those scales, that can remind people what a great country we are and that it’s a great country because we believe in free people and the ability of free people to provide for themselves, their family, their community, and the God they love. That’s what America is about, and we can with get back to that. We need to begin to believe in ourselves instead of the having someone tell us that they need to believe in him, the anointed one to provide for them.

Limbaugh: Rick, thanks for your time. Your passion is infectious. It really is.

And there you have it.  Santorum went on Limbaugh’s show to promote…  Limbaugh.  Even he is too embarrassed to endorse himself, and for good reason.  Not for nothing did Pennsylvania voters turn his useless, cuckoo corpus out of the Senate, along with his stillborn fetus in a jar that he carried around in his minivan, and not for nothing did he get his richly earned Google Problem.  The guy is stupid and crazy enough, but Republicans hate him anyway.  Go figure.

I guess Obama can be as lame, ineffective, and as big of a sellout as he wants, and get away with it.  Kind of like being, as Jon Stewart put it, the thinnest kid at fat camp.




  1. dirigo says:

    Things are moving too fast, even for you, o fearless Hagster.

    Suddenly, the Newt-Calista Greek holiday appears to have run the Great One’s campaign aground, somewhere between Atlanta and Des Moines, as the Newtster’s core staff has jumped ship.

    Despite this debacle, Newt is Twittering on about his seriousness, vis-a-vis 2012, but thankfully not showing any desperate pictures.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Ah, in a moment of mental abstraction, I forgot all about Newt….. Not really, I never took him seriously to begin with. He’s going to LA to revive his campaign; the jewelry’s nicer than in Des Moines, I guess.

  2. daphne says:

    Religioso Santorum actually professed believing in oneself? And not in the Anointed One (as opposed to the anointed one)? Shouldn’t he be fearing divine retribution?

    • cocktailhag says:

      Nah. By “oneself,” in righty-ese, that just means not giving a shit about anyone else. He’s got that edited bible, like the rest of them, where camels walk four abreast through the needle’s eye into the gated community of Heaven.

  3. daphne says:

    ah, now I get it. Christianity, especially the “religioso” version was never my forte.

    • cocktailhag says:

      Ya oughta bone up. I think they have a lot more where that came from; and unfortunately, we’ll be hearing an awful lot of it in the coming months.

  4. Ché Pasa says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha!

    I’m in stitches here.


    The way things are going, there is no way His Serenity can lose, not with this crop of Rightist loons running loose.

    For sheer loathsomeness and anti-electability, no one beats the repulsive and crazy Rick Santorum: Palin minus the brains, Newt minus the popularity, Pawlenty minus the sex appeal, and Mitt Romney minus the principles.


    Can we have that line graven on Santorum’s headstone?


  5. mikeinportc says:

    ..Mooslims could serve, if they took a loyalty oath over a pizza that resembled the Blessed Virgin….”

    :) )))))))))))